Boiler and the boiler room

Our boiler is on the blink. The gas people have temporarily done some banging to it to make it work, but we fear it needs a big and major operation to fix it. They will be back with some kind of replacement part (organ donation) to fix it up and help it last a bit longer. Being with hot water is gruesome (hot soft am I?) but it was sort of fun bathing out of a bucket with one third boiling kettle water, two thirds cool cool tap water. Reminded me of being in the village in Sri Lanka and also a bit of my time in Africa. Crucially though, those are hot places so the sting of the cold water isn't so noticeable compared to chilly Swantown. We hope it will be fixed up soon.

With regards to the boiler room, well, my brother has been working in what pretty much seems to be a boiler room (he got made redundant, which some of us are not as devastated about, given the terrible macho atmosphere there) and I have just been listening to a report about "fake boiler rooms" where con artists trick innocent people into spending hundreds and thousands of pounds on non-existent shares. I can't believe how convincing the people sound - it makes me realise that if you have the gift of the gab, you can sell pretty much anything. I only hope my brother wasn't working in a proper boiler room - and that he was actually selling real shares!

In other news it is sunny today, which obviously makes me chirpy. To make the day even better:

1. I have been shopping. This simple act of hunter-gathering (simple so long as you have some money) is wonderfully satisfying, particularly when BARGAINS are to be had. Today bargains included two pairs of TU trousers and also some new potatoes.

2. We have a Weds-date later, to the cinema, whoop! Time Traveller's Wife, no doubt will be terrible as most book-turned-films are, but it'll be fun.

3. England are playing Croatia tonight and we finally have ITV on our telly so we can watch it directly rather than through a dodgy internet connection. Probably the game will be dismal but I am excited for now.

4. Fish and chips with green peas and tartar sauce. Enough said there.

I am pleased for Speech Debelle, who won the Mercury Music Prize last night. I am also a bit gutted that it wasn't Jij who won the prize.. Don't get confused, she wasn't even in the running or anything, but they seem to have had really similar lives and Jij is so talented, I want her to win a prize and make her music too. I will listen to Speech's album later to see what it's like.

Finally, I'm enjoying the holiday having finished A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius - very good, if rambley, but true to life and impressive too - and so now have started Making History by Stephen Fry - the main character is annoying me already - and watching lots of good old telly and listening to Radio 4. Aaah holidays.

My children's books!

Wanted to come on here to note some of the children's book titles I've come up with, as I'm starting to forget them. At some point in my life I'll write them, hopefully.

- Reggie the Veggie (the tale of a vegetarian lion)
- The Brontosaurus Bus (dinosaurs discover eco-friendly transport)
- Indiana Bones (a skeleton travels around the world to collect the long-lost bones of his pet dog)

There were more, but I have forgotten them!

Just about to tighten up my Oxford DPhil ESRC one page proposal before submitting it, woo!

Have an annoying pain in my right shoulder, right elbow, and right wrist. Probably slept funny on it. Not good for typing.

Think birds are finally coming to the bird feeder, hurrah!

Looking forward to the weekend, lots of fun to be had in Oxford and London (not including my last shift of work!)

Wednesday...

Wednesday afternoon. So we are officially half way to the weekend. WOooooooOOOO!

This morning I went to the fruit & veg market at Gloucester Green and bought loads of veg. Like this:


I also went to Sainsbury's and bought lots of food. I am feeling like a good hunter-gatherer provider for the nest.

Having X get up at half seven each day for work has been good for my discipline. However, not having X around to make me work has meant that today I have become a bit distracted. I really should be writing my stratification essay (on occupational sex segregation, so something I care about and figure I can actually write about) but I am planning a nap first.

We're going to see The Curious Case of Benjamin Button tonight, which seems like it could be very interesting. Am pleased as we have bought a cheapy Orange PAYG sim so that we can get the Orange Wednesdays vouchers, a total bargain, two tickets for the price of one means twice as much cinema for us.

Yesterday I managed to get all my reading done, was very efficient, so I got to hang out with X in the evening. We played Scrabble. I won, it was close towards the end, but not close enough.

In our qualitative methods class this morning we were given our course assignments. Our project is to do with cultural consumption and whether it is stratified by class. We have to go to different music venues and interview someone from the audience about their music consumption. It's really cool, as well as the interview (using a schedule designed by us and digital sound recorders), we do an ethnographic style write up of the observations we make, and also make a transcription of our interview. Then we get to see everyone else's interviews and make a codebook for them (a way to kinda generalise the findings into a table with variables and evidence). Finally we use what we've learned to write our own qualitative research proposal, which will be cool as I'm well into all this interviewing and ethnography stuff.

Last thing. X and I were discussing baby names, and we added Winston to the list. It's funny though because when I was talking about this name with some people from my group today, the Americans said it sounded really posh and aristocratic, while the Brits said it sounded more Jamaican/Afro-Caribbean - real opposites! I like the name anyway, and everyone said that they thought it would be a good name for an entertainer, and that he would certainly be a character with a name like that, so I'm keeping it on the list!

Ok I'm off for a nap, just a quick recording of some stuff from today!

Also...

...I was just thinking that perhaps I should update my blog a bit. For a start, the heading still talks about maths teaching, which is over two years old now. And my age is wrong and there are no more disasters...well, not in the classroom at any rate. Hmmm, I'll add that to my to-do list. The updating I mean, not the disasters.

I'm Back!

I'm busy listening to Spurs play Krakow in the UEFA Cup plus I have clicky wrists, so just a quick note to say that I'm back safe and sound from a brilliant holiday in Vancouver, and that I'm getting ready to go up to Oxford next weekend (oooh exciting!). So fear not, faithful readers, the blog will be back to normal shortly, so keep your eyes peeled (what a gross phrase).

No desk job for me

I shouldn't really be typing now. After a loooong day of tapping away at a keyboard writing up various clinics etc. the last thing my poor fingertips need is more clacking.

Just a quick one though to say my rage was short-lived and I am back to chirpy. I watched a Beautiful Mind, which was awesome and just let all the rage go (mainly because the rage on the screen was worse).

Also I thought it worthy of note to say that after sitting down all day and typing for the past 11 working days I can safely say a desk job is not for me. The only good thing is finishing and then leaving your work behind you. I don't like commuting or being quiet at a desk all day or sitting down. In fact my arms and wrists and back and legs HURT from sitting down and typing away. So this is the end of this post.

Roll on the weekend! Super busy fun, woo!

Monday again

Points of note:

1. My laptop is fixed (just about!).
2. I'm thoroughly enjoying my new hobby - learning about psychiatry.
3. I am getting more broke - have not yet been paid for my temp job + I had to fork out a LOT of money today in prepayments and fees for uni.
4. I am a bit scared about uni but also excited but also scared but also excited. Phew.
5. I spent ALL weekend with X, literally, and we saw Wall-E, which was hilarious, and we went shopping and we played jigsaw and we cooked/feasted lots, and had a great time generally. I am pretty much besotted here.
6. I finished Psalm 119 and now am battling between Othello and Midnight's Children.
7. I have a knee appointment tomorrow, where I'll hopefully get my surgery date, and hopefully this won't clash with my work or my trip to Vancouver. Fingers crossed.
8. I have a new phone contract after not realising mine had expired in May so I was back to paying full price for no benefit (this is what happens when you choose paper-less billing!). I get my new phone tomorrow and am hoping it won't be a hassle but instead be the bargain it has sold itself as being.

That is all really. Oh, except I chopped my hair quite a lot shorter, so now it looks like a crazy big Afro, which is partly cool and partly annoying as it can't be controlled AT ALL. Heehee, it's fun for summer!

Highlights from the week

I'm putting off the gym for 20 more minutes because it's been a whole week and no blogging action from me. Time to update this wonderful record of my rambley life.

Good things from the week:

• 8E stepping up for sports day and doing the business (every single kid in the tutor group bar one took part in one event or another, excellent...fingers crossed we finish well in Year 8)
• non-uniform day - yeah I got to wear flip flops!
• playing tangrams and Nubble Express with loads of my classes (hope I haven't started the "fun lessons" too soon)
• telling all my classes that I'm leaving and them all being sad about it - maybe I'm a good teacher after all
• teaching 8E a PSHE lesson based on the role of education in society (something that I taught my Y12s in AS Sociology) and having them respond really well to it
  
• spending most of my weekend with X, and also a midweek meet-up too - aaaah it makes me happy. As does winning two pairs of knickers in a bet over dominoes
• reverse parking into a tight tight spot the first time round, and then being told by the parking attendants that I was the best lady parker they'd seen all morning
• the end of year staff boat party - a free bar = shocking hangover, but it was loads of fun to celebrate the almost end of year with my colleagues. Not to mention getting muchos compliments for my "bap dress"
• having the new TF maths teacher in for his London week, and hearing that having watched all the maths teachers teach, the one he most wanted to be like was me!
  
• seeing my American friend Braden from my summer at Dartmouth, and also reunion-ing with all the kids from our exchange that year
• our final TF workshop, which was a bit lame, but so ace to see all of our year, and also to know that we've almost completed the programme, yeeehaaaa!

Not-so-good things

• not getting the money back from that ridiculous Wing Security towing my car away - grrrr
• being so busy that all the mundane chore type stuff has just not been done
• having to a learning log (boring)
• still not knowing about my knee operation and so not being able to book anything proper for the summer
• waiting for my WWOOF-ing booklet so I can finally contact some people about that

Aside from that, it's been a stellar week, I'm feeling awesome and happy! Five days of school to go, which will be crazy and emotional, but this time next week, well, I'll be at a colleague's BBQ celebrating the end of a mini-era. Hope all is well with you.

Serious things then liberating things

Last night I went along to a poetry rehearsal for my mother's old school reunion show. I was welcomed by two lovely old ladies, who proceeded to sing a rather odd version of what I thought was a poem. This was all very funny and amusing, particularly when I got my mobile out and tried to record them so my mother could hear it when I got home. But then I started to take it more seriously as one of the old ladies told me the story of the poem. When she was a small girl in Sri Lanka, she studied at a convent school established by Irish missionaries. They used to sing a song about Ireland and how beautiful it was and how much they missed it. Even as a little girl she understood the strength of their feeling and felt sad for them. Later when she was forced to leave Sri Lanka because of the civil war, she composed her own variant to express her sadness at having no place to call home. Once I realised the real tone of the poem and the longing they both felt to return to where they grow it, things weren't so funny any more. I guess I'll never know what it's like to have to be uprooted from all that you know, but I hope that one day they can go back, or at least they can go somewhere where they feel at home.

The old lady was a teacher and quoted Sir Walter Scott's Native Land word for word, which was lovely and made me feel it even more. In the end I realised I couldn't read that poem or sing with them after all, it wouldn't be right, those words coming from me.

In other news I had to unexpectedly take the bus into school today and thus was 40 minutes late, meaning my tutor group weren't registered and my Head of Department had to cover the start of my lesson 1. A lot of people get quite stressed when they are late, and I do sometimes too, but today was liberating since I knew that I was going to be late and there was nothing I could do about it, so once I had accepted my fate it was lovely. I think it was also because I have just started How to be Free and it mentions letting go of time and unnecessary pressures/obligations and instead just enjoying things (including riding on the top of a bus...if you have to use public transport that is). I also continued my research on WWOOF-ing and have decided I either want to go to Wales or to the South West. And I found this lovely little blog on the Times to do with allotments, or what the author affectionately refers to as her "lottie".

I have been marking lots of exam papers recently. One of my colleagues, who I share a class with, did one exam paper in her lesson with the shared class, but then asked me to mark the papers. I reluctantly said yes, feeling pretty resentful that she had the free lesson but then gave me the work. Later however, when I mentioned my protracted bus journey, she immediately offered to give me a lift and was really lovely and generous, making me think that 1. I shouldn't be so bitter, I should just get on with it 2. when I do good things, good things will come back to me. Plus I gave someone a lift home on Monday so I have been collecting up my good deeds.

My knee keeps popping and clicking, which is discomforting and disconcerting but hopefully it'll stop soon. Last lesson with Y10s tomorrow before a two week work experience break, woo!

A good day's worth of ramblings

I was going to lesson plan but I really wanted to ramble on my blog first so here I am.

A good first day back, mainly because my head of department came and shouted at my Y10s again and then they were good (albeit perhaps for one lesson only) meaning that we actually did some work and I didn't have to shout over them and thus the rest of the day was good. Disappointingly I had to move my classroom tables from the group work formation they were in back into rows of desks so that I could split up the kids and hopefully stop them talking a bit. I also had to go back to seating them in alphabetical order. Two kids just wouldn't conform to the new set up and so truanted, while one was kicked out twice. Thus I spent some time calling parents today, but that was ok.

In other news the general incompetence of the people in charge of internal exams meant that the maths exams for Y7 and Y8 didn't happen today after all, and so we had to teach them. My impromptu lessons were ok though, I am pleased and I managed to write up one set of Y7 class reports, meaning only one more class to go there, yay!

Most of the day was spent thinking random thoughts that I wanted to post up. Firstly R, one of my colleagues, told me about WWOOF, which is this cool organisation whereby volunteers go and work on organic farms and gardens in return for food and accommodation. She went to Norfolk over the half-term and had an awesome time, so I am thinking maybe I will get a bit more self-sufficient by learning some of this stuff myself this summer. Secondly she told me about a book called "Grow It Eat It" about fruit and veg growing and recipes to cook with, which was a lovely book (made for kids!) and really captured my imagination.

I also spent some time contemplating how relaxed my holiday has made me in that things that normally stress me out haven't (and hopefully won't). For example I was called up in assembly today to give out merit certificates for my tutor group and accidentally had the clip on my trousers undone and the kids pointed it out to me, which should have been mortifying, but was actually quite funny. Also facebook keeps messing up when I try and load my Malta photos, but that's ok, I can do it another day. Also my little brother is running for the Cambridge Union, meaning he is now officially a hack, yuck, but oh well, whatever makes him happy.

Going back to assembly, it was on the environment and the UN World Environment Day. In an exciting move forward our school is finally going to get its recycling sorted, yay! The assembly itself was pretty inspiring and carried the message "Reduce, Reuse, Recycle" which I am going to try hard to do. I made my first big step today by switching my credit card, bank account and mobile phone bills all to digital versions, meaning less paper posted to me.

The last thing I was thinking about was how much drama there is with football managers at the moment, what with Mourinho going to Inter and Sven formally getting the boot and maybe being replaced by Mark Hughes, and also how great it is that we have the Euro tournament to tide us over until halfway through August when the Premiership kicks off again. Football is so dramatic and ridiculous sometimes. I mean, can you believe that the Glazers would potentially turn down £70m from Real for Ronaldo, even if he refuses to play for Man Utd, and instead just force him to sit on the bench just cos they can?! Talk about trying to prove a point.

I had a nap at 7pm today after dinner, against my usual belief that 7pm is too late if you still wanna go to bed at a decent time, and am feeling mighty refreshed from it. There was an article in the Metro about sleep spas and how 39% of people surveyed said that they felt so tired at least one day a week that they just wanted to go home from work. There was also this woman that lost 3 stone over a year simply by taking power naps. I knew naps were good for the soul.

Right I really should get back to my lesson planning if I want to read any of the books I am browsing through at the moment. I currently have three and picked up a fourth today that I want, so I think maybe I will put the other three aside and read this new one, and then come back to them. Hmmm, but perhaps that is the mistake I made each of the other times? Perhaps I should just focus on one.

Oh and finally, I can't remember if I mentioned it already, but please make sure you see Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull just because it is so awful it's funny. And if you're still bored after reading all of this you can text 'JOKE' to 118118 today for free to get a nice joke from them, hahaha!

Yay I made the weekend!

Phew, it's been a looong week, but woo, it's the weekend! I made it through :)
Am off for fun and games in Oxford tonight, but before that, some things I've learnt:

1. Taking the piss out of students is a risky strategy, but occasionally works a treat when it comes to managing behaviour
2. If I was hyper all the time, no learning would ever get done
3. Staff seem to like me bouncy
4. Doing good deeds for other people makes me feel really good, so I can always try and do things for other people when I feel bad myself
5. Shopping and tidying and exercise always make me feel good

I went to bhangra with my mother this morning, that was hilarious fun, I really enjoyed it, and I love how keen my mum is about her dancing. Also, I got ID'ed in Waitrose trying to buy Pimm's and beer, which is also hilarious since in 4 months time I will be a full SEVEN YEARS over the legal drinking age, hahaha, and yet I still can't pass for 18.

Nothing else major to report except that I'm feeling good. Oh, and as a sign of my positive commitment to trying to pass this year after all, when I had my knee appointment on Friday and they offered me potential orthoscopy dates in June, I told them I couldn't have two weeks off until July 20th - check me out! Turning down two weeks of paid medical leave AND messing up my summer travel plans all to try and do my best to pass this NQT year. Keep them crossed for me, as always. Have a good weekend!

PS LOVE Adele's Cold Shoulder, it's a tuuuuune!

First day back with the kids

First day back with the kids. Was kinda dreading it, but actually it went really well. Despite all the time-wasting, managed to plan the week's worth of lessons, and the sudoku starters went really well. Found out I only have 7 more lessons with my Y9s before their SATS, and only 7 more lessons with my Y12s before their AS paper, good drama!

Was cool to have my tutor group back again, and there's just something about the summer term that makes me happy, it's just nice to work in the sunshine I think. Today has been a lovely day weather-wise, plus I don't have any marking to do, and I got to have a nap, so generally I am in an awesome mood.

Other good things include the wonderful Dina sorting out the half-term escape, woo hoo! I am also pretty psyched about the weekend, since I have decided to get all my planning done tonight and tomorrow night after all, so that I can play all weekend. We're going to see Avenue Q on Friday night, which will be hilarious, and then a big night on Saturday, and I am trying to wangle my Sunday with X, so it'll all be good fun I think, and thus I am looking forward to it. And then it's only 4 weeks to half-term, and only one of them is actually a full week of teaching for me, so that'll be awesome. I shouldn't get too used to four-day weeks, it'll mean after half-term will be shocking. Oh well, enjoy the present right?

My school is an academy so we're not part of the NUT strike on Thursday. This is controversial in my opinion, since even though our sponsors set our salaries, they are in accordance with government pay scales, plus, more importantly, the whole point of the union is that the members stand together, whether an issue directly affects them or not. Collective action looses power if some members don't take part, and I feel a bit like my right to stand up for my colleagues has been taken away without my consent. Another negative of the academy system...there's no way the whole country could strike for the staff of all the academies because you can only enter a dispute with one party at a time, and so those people not employed by academies wouldn't be able to take part in any pay dispute we had with our sponsor. The other thing that isn't right about this is that just because we work for an academy at the moment, that doesn't mean we always will, in fact, there are so many more government run schools, that chances are our future employers won't be academies, so we should get a chance to stand up for our future.

Anyway that rant over, another thing I want to ramble about is homophobia in school. Two kids in my tutor group came to me today and said they had been joking about "lesbian friends" and that a girl in Y11 had gone a bit nuts and threatened them. I spent some time trying to explain that it's offensive to say what they were saying, just like racial terms can be offensive if used in the wrong way. The kids just couldn't see the similarities - they knew and agreed that using certain racial terms in certain way could be offensive, but were adamant it was ok to joke about homosexuality because it "was just a joke" and "it's not real anyway". I'm not sure how to educate them about this without being seen to promote homosexuality, which, as far as I understand, is a no-no, particularly in our "Christian-ethos academy". Hmm, something to think about.

Right, time to lesson plan. In front of the football of course.

More reading

Jonno, are you reading my blog?! This is the sure fire way to tell. Clearly rhetorical questions provide the best answers.

My family are all out until lunchtime (I'm back in Brampton) and so I thought I'd use this time to think of more dazzling things to say during my interview on Friday. Obviously that is going well - everything I say is dazzling. So I decided I didn't need to do that after all so instead I've been distracting myself. On the plus side, I did look up the interview location so hopefully I won't be late in attending (note to self: punctuality is in my own hands. Yes it is.)

Finished Perks, it had a happy ending I guess, but it came about through a looong and saaad way, boo. I think I should go back to reading kids books with my cousins, they are not as dramatic. Although when Dora the Explorer was about to figure out who had been making the footprints in the sand, my heart almost stopped beating. It was Benny, of course, wearing flippers. Duh.

Now I'm finally on to The Inheritance of Loss, and properly this time, and it's good. Puja, you'll be happy!

Belated Sunday Noon Rambles

This is my horoscope for this week, courtesy of the Sunday Times:

This week’s events pit your fundamental practicality against the more canny side of your nature that has a knack of observing developments and making remarkably accurate predictions. The practical side insists that you need to consolidate arrangements involving personal, domestic and relationship issues. But your intuition says that because the sweeping changes you’re observing would rearrange various elements of your life anyway, it’s not worth bothering until the dust has settled. What you can do is tidy up mundane obligations so that, when the changes you’re anticipating begin early next week, you’re ready for them.

Good, I like mundane obligations, they sound decidedly drama-free. But I do have a pressing To-Do list that is gnawing at me, despite my attempts at ignoring it. Perhaps it's more of a Maybe-Do list?

Last night I was at my uncle's daughter's birthday party, a 5th birthday party I might add, so it was hilarious. Proper old-school - party bags and hats, musical chairs and statues, party poppers etc. For the kids AND for the grown-ups. I did the night entirely sober, and it was good fun, but for some reason I woke up this morning with what feels like a hangover. This is strange. I'm sure I didn't drink.

I also managed to pop my shoulder out while turning over in bed last night, that wasn't fun at all. There's an unpleasant ache in my arm now, and if I allow myself to think about it, I can just about remember the excruciating pain of a distended shoulder. Ouch. Dang my loose ligaments.

So due to my fatigue I have bailed on lunch, but am due at a fancy pants 1st birthday party in about 2 hours. Good-oh. What is the deal with all these kiddy parties? Have I regressed somewhere along the way? I think I may need to drink through this one...

Some random stuff

I am feeling pretty psyched. I don't really know why. Hopefully it's nothing to do with the fact that I may well spectacularly write-off this weekend. I should at least try and pretend it's going to be calm. But really, it's the last wedding weekend of the month, and my cousin is getting married, and we have a three hour gap between the wedding and the reception in which to cause mayhem. In saris.

I pondered a "prime number" theme to my life, in that I would only contemplate dabbling in trouble on prime number days in month, similar to what I do with the Tuesday and Friday veggie thing. But I'm not sure I can stick to it. Plus, really, if I was going to do it, patently the prime number days would be the sensible days, giving me twice as many days to cause trouble in.

We watched this tonight. My mother was obviously enthralled. I admit, it was nice it kinda worked out for the people on it, but I'm still staying well clear.

And finally, I love Open Your Window by Reverend and the Makers, please check it out, and it's a great video too!

Rollercoaster Ramblings

I am a little concerned. Despite being half in denial and half wary of my own diagnostic abilities, I still think I may be in a queue for a rollercoaster. Yes, this is another new term I have decided to add to my own psycho-babble lingo, even whilst not yet being formally diagnosed. Wonderful.

So what do I mean? Well, I have noticed that since seeing another Giraffe on Wednesday, I feel quite a bit better i.e. not zombie at all and far less wimpy (although I am still only listening to classical music). Back in the gym, back playing the piano, back wanting to do things, all that good stuff. However, Giraffe said this good stuff needs to be slowly eased back in and that I need to keep an eye on what I'm doing. So I am, and I can see there could be trouble.

Oh wow, I just got why there are so many Blamange blogs out there, it's all that mood diary stuff and because I figure most people won't actually say this stuff to people.

So indicators of rollercoasters...I am now struggling to sleep, both in the afternoon and at night. My brain is busy planning things and thinking things. Oh I have a great new business idea to do with providing utilities for student housing....like basically getting loads of student houses to sign up with the company, and then using the power of the company to negotiate discounts on gas and electric and phone and broadband etc. Whichever utility companies gave the best offers would be offered the contracts to provide the utilities for all the student house members. Harnessing the force of a big student population to push to lower cost contracts and a nice little slice somewhere for me!

Anyway, back to what I was saying about rollercoasters...I can feel myself getting really annoyed with lots of things, like having to talk about letting agencies, and trying on sari blouses, and people asking me what is wrong. And also distractions...see while I have kinda regained a bit of focus in that I want to do things, I am still not really concentrating. And finally the busyness, I am bringing back the busyness in fantastic style (this is something Giraffe suggested I try not to do but it's in my nature). Things I have taken on since Weds:

1. Trying to negotiate a Deloitte contract (this is a complicated manoeuvre, but I figure I should just be honest and put my cards on the table)
2. Hassling my Learning Associate to get my GS Learning Log sorted (and hassling TF because of it)
3. Working with BITC to sort some meetings at school
4. Working with MyBnk editing some booklets
5. Turning my social schedule back on, and even double-booking myself

So yes, somehow I have decided to go back to normal, except I am concerned that I am not going back to normal, but rather back to whirlwindy, but then I don't know if I should be concerned since I can't really remember what my "normal" state is, if you see what I mean.

Excellent, Giraffe will be pleased with these reflections. Now to make a plan to SLOW THINGS DOWN and get out of the queue for the rollercoaster. Oh and also to use this as an argument against having blamange, in that clearly I am far too insightful for it.

Wimp

I am a wimp. Officially.

Today is the second day I have wimped out of school, and I have a feeling I will be wimping out for a bit longer too.

It's safe to say I am no longer whirlwindy, and now instead feel wimpy. This isn't too bad though, I am not hiding away too much, and this loose indifference is vaguely liberating. I don't really care that I am a wimp. It's only that other people care that makes it an issue.

Anyway the reason I am a wimp is because this is nowhere near as rough as I have felt before, but I still can't seem to force myself into school. Back last summer I was literally like a zombie but at least I managed to make it in. I guess I am thinking of it as damage limitation, in that I hope a few days off now will stop the full-blown zombie coming back to play.

There is a slight danger of getting entirely wrapped up in this so in search of perspective...

Reasons not to quit school:
1. Letting all the kids down
2. Letting all the staff down
3. Letting TF down
4. Being a quitter is rubbish
5. My references will suffer and then I won't be able to do any of the future stuff
6. My family and friends will think I am a loser
7. It would be too ironic, given the number of people I have persuaded to apply to TF, and how much I rave about the power of teaching
8. It's all in my head and once that is sorted things will be better

Reasons to quit school (in the interests of a balanced argument)
1. Too long hours - reckon I am clocking over 60 hours a week and then am rather too knackered and resentful to do everything else I would want
2. Poor leadership, ethos, and discipline - from the top of the school down, which leads to poor morale and poor teachers
3. Too stressful - the hundreds of daily battles and grinds are exhausting
4. When I don't like my job I really hate it - why waste time in something so arduous?
5. It may be contributing to my doolally.

Hmm so this is a rather honest post. Readers, don't worry, I am ok, I am just writing all this up to get it out, and also for the sake of posterity, so that I actually remember that sometimes I feel like this. See, this is what happens when you never talk about yourself and then suddenly you spill out your life on-line, it makes people worry. I may have to set up an alternate blog for the sakes of all your sanity.

Assorted Highlights and Ramblings

I woke up with a smile on my face this morning. This is just the kind of autumn day I love. Sunny, crisp and cool. Stepped over to the park, watched a bit of football, had a stroll, crunched some leaves. It's beautiful out there, it makes me shiver. Can't explain it really,

Two posts today. The first one, assorted highlights and ramblings since I last posted. Am pleasantly hungover, two fun nights with no regrets.

Things I have been meaning to write about on here:

"Do as you like with me. I'm your parcel. I have only our address on me. Open me or readdress me". Again from Birthday Letters, loved those lines.

"When she saw how they worked, not on their own but two by two, working their trunks together to tie a knot she realised how astonished they'd been by her hands, because of course she could tie knots on her own. At first she felt that this gave her an advantage - she needed no one else; and then she realised how it cut her off from others. Perhaps all human beings were like that". From The Amber Spyglass, which is wonderful fantasy now, I like it the most out of the three.

"My life is very grown up and sensible these days (not entirely true...) so I enjoy other people's drama. It is much more interesting than engaging with your own. You should try it and then you wouldn't have to worry about being a bad person anymore. :)" I can't officially quote this person, but hahaha, just made me laugh.

I love The Wombats song about Joy Division at the moment. And also The Pigeon Detectives. And a plug for an old friend here.

Went out on Friday night with CK, Gid and a friend of Gid's. Impressed with CK and his drama-management skills. Lovely to see Gid, am so excited about his FCO stuff! Didn't play Scrabble in the end, instead drank cocktails in various places and had a lovely dinner at a place called Balan's, a trendy restaurant on Old Compton St. Very good service, eye candy waiters, great food and drinks, a good buzz around the place. Decided I like going out around there, it's just nice to do a relaxed night out, where no-one's on a mission, there's no fights or drunken louts, just people out for a good time. I love the streets in Soho.

What else? Spent all day yesterday on the TF Conference (the other post will be about that). Sadly missed the Wanstead Flats fireworks last night due to the 5th Anniversary celebrations (TF is 5 years old, yay!) but had a lovely dinner out in Angel with TFers. I love Angel too, I still can't believe it's where my folks first lived when they came to London. Heard from one of the girls yesterday that her boyfriend is doing his PhD in Cardiff and he pays £250 rent a month and lives 15 mins from the centre of the city. Was mightily jealous, vowed to leave London immediately, but upon reflection, I don't mind paying, it's really rather too good to leave just yet.

Have an engagement party to go to tonight. Little brother as my principle drinking buddy. Oh dear. Aaargh still not done my Learning Log....oh well, let's read the paper first...

Time For School

The end of half-term. How have nine days passed so quickly? It's almost a blur to me. Still, all good things come to an end...roll on Christmas, only 7 weeks to go!

After yet another night of fun, this time on a local level (nothing like being 15 mins from your bed, and also the clocks going back...wish that'd happen every weekend!) I decided to hit the gym hard. Loved it, my arms are gloriously aching. Berts, you'll be pleased to know I got yet another phone number in that place, hot stuff :) Then went to Diwali in the Square, which was beautiful. I love those times when I feel really connected with the whole Asian thing, and not on a banter level. Lots of dancing and singing and lights and food and all of that, excellent. Then tried to make it to an open mic night, but somehow got lost, and my conscience got to me, and I want to watch MOTD so legged it home. Lovely Sunday. Resolution for this half-term: live for the weekend.

What else? Well, I love Daniel because when discussing my potential as Spurs manager he said: "I think you'd be a great Spurs manager. Plenty of experience dealing with stroppy brats who don't want to do what they're told, used to being shouted at by hooligans, and trained to improve results in 'challenging' institutions". Hohoho.

I also love Bertie cos he sent me this: "bertie smarty pants? ouch meena very ouch. hope ure feeling better today good luck for tomorrow gorgeous x". When people on Saturday asked me why we weren't together I said it was because of THE RASH, but really, I think it's cos he's just too good to me. Wonder what will happen to the drama on that front....ooooooh drama Bertie!

Speaking of drama, I had decided that I would get my number one drama out of the way by just trying to sort it out so that after half-term I'd know one way or the other what was going on. I don't know why half-term is the deadline - this week means nothing to ordinary people. But then I decided that if I don't know one way or the other, then nothing is really happening, so I should just get on with seeing the other lovely boys. But then I decided I didn't want that. So I am back to square one.

What a useful ramble. It's similar to the battle I had with the Photo-Me machine today - wasteful. Which brings me to my final quote, Liz C: "I don't have the evidence for the link between psychotic behaviour and diarising every minute detail of your life to hand. I'm sure it exists. Doesn't the guy in American Pyscho do stuff like that? Not to worry, I'm sure you're fine. x"

Hohoho. Come on weekend.

Sunday Night

Well, it's late on Sunday night, and I'm asking myself why? Why on earth have I let this happen again? Surely I would have learned by now that yes indeedy, I'm tired, I need a rest. But no, I keep on going. Can you believe it was a mere 11 hours ago that I was just making my way back into the house from Oxford last night, and now I am already hungover again? Time for a rethink.

Last night was pretty damn awesome...forget what I said about giving up on the Disney love - they're all just too funny, I can't get enough! Bertie too, and Michael, and Bertie's brother...all lovely :) Tonight dinner at Bel's was also fantastic, a hilarious crowd with some entertaining characters of dubious sexual orientation and, further, impressive keyboard skills. Despite the water having been cut-off to their place, the food was tastalicious and the banter was good and solid.

In other news I am trying to figure out the difference between sensual and sensuous. Also, how about this for a great description of a person - "a living anthology of mediocre sentiments". How much would you hate to be described like that? I am loving Notes on a Scandal by Zoe Heller. So much so that I might have to write notes on my own scandals...

And so to Monday.