Thesis-ing and stuff

Still been working on the thesis. Stata and data work is taking over my life. Not for much longer though - we're away in Scotland this week, hurrah! Going to Edinburgh and Aberdeen, exciting!

Finished Sex and the City series 5, very good, I liked it a lot. Am thinking of watching it backwards now i.e series 4, then series 3 etc.. Also saw Harry Potter 6, which was entertaining. We saw it at the 5:15pm showing, thus it was full of tiny children and their parents (or, given that this is Oxford, more likely nannies). It was funny to watch with them, they were captivated and so excited! Have now been inspired to borrow the books from the library and read them again - they're just so good!

What other news? Now potentially staying in Oxford for my DPhil. Well, certainly not going to Cardiff any more as I've turned down my offer and studentship (yikes!) So we went to see a funny old land lady in Oxford, who has a room to let. It's pretty bargainous I think, but the woman was a proper old Oxford lady so I'm not sure how well we'll get along. Haven't got anywhere else to stay as yet though, so might have to commit there. Hopefully will have paper confirmation of my place and the studentship here soon....

Listening to the cricket while doing some Sri Lankan campaigning. Things are still bad over there. I've been having my head in the sand for a while but it's time to do something useful again. Especially after Friday and yesterday, where most of my time was spent feasting and drinking and having fun - I'm lucky to have all of this so I should try and help others too.

Some plans and general ramblings

We are making a butternut squash soup with our new blender, Glenda. It's the weekend and we have been super relaxy - doing cooking and playing squash and laying in bed and reading the papers and watching silly films. Awesome!

Have been back in Oxford for 4 days after going home and then having a meeting in Cardiff. Am currently debating whether to take Cardiff's funding offer or to take a year out and apply for the Civil Service. Have got it into my head that I should work for the government, and maybe eventually become an MP (fits my initials and all). But then again I have three years paid for in Cardiff and I can be near X there, so it's a tough decision. Oxford are "re-evaluating" my application, which doesn't sound promising, so I think I'll have to sack that.

Spurs threw away a win against Blackburn yesterday. Admittedly there were some dodgy reffing decisions, including Palacios' second yellow card, which led to him being sent off and Blackburn capitalising on our chaos to score two goals, but even accounting for that, Spurs still were lacklustre. I think Redknapp should have brought on Pav instead of Bent after about 70 minutes rather than sticking with him when nothing was happening. Spurs' goal only came from a debatable hand-ball penalty award so really we are not doing enough to finish in a decent position. My eyes are on next season now.

Next week I'm in Cambridge on a higher education programme with TF. We're helping Y12 kids get in the zone for uni applications, which I'm looking forward too. It's a packed programme, and I've forgotten what it's like to teach/manage people, but we'll see how it goes.

Been planting in the allotment, now about to watch No. 1 Ladies' Detective Agency. Back after Easter!

Happy New Year!

Once again I'm back! Similar to one of those small shoe factories, I "closed down" over the Christmas break and am now forced to return to work on this first Monday of January. Except I'm not really at work, heehee!

So what's been happening? Some highlights of the vacation (note: I am still on holiday regardless of what my books or the people around me try to tell me)!

1. Christmas day - a true feast of food and presents, so much fun
2. Boxing day football - Fulham vs Spurs, a poor game, but a cool anniversary celebration with X
3. The Nutcracker - nope, not at the Royal Opera House, but instead streamed live at the independent cinema in Notting Hill, very cool and we could take in our own beers and sweets to, aaaah
4. House/cat sitting for D&W and Stripeypants in Shebu - essentially lots of festive fun times with X, brilliant!
5. Our Christmas dinner at Hudsons and stocking swap - the coolest presents and the nicest dinner, we are SO doing that every year
6. Poker party - held at Shebu for my friends to kick off some festive fun, was ace!
7. Knee arthroscopy - this wasn't as much fun, but was def better than when I had the ACL reconstruction and it's healing up quickly too so hopefully my knee will be back to feeling better soon
8. Academic work - so much work, I have done so much work in the break. Ok, fine, I know it seems like I've not really done work but I have, honest. I submitted my last STATA assignment, wrote my Sociological Analysis essay, wrote my Research Design essay (all day Saturday just gone, but I had to do like 3 days of reading before that), two PhD proposals (yes, they are the same basic proposal, but that took ages, like 4 days of solid work). And now I have to refine my proposal and revise some statistics for my exam next week.
9. Chilling out with the family - our house is busy and noisy again and you know my folks are very sociable so we've been busy but having a cool time with just us (and my aunt, uncle and cousin from Canada)
10. Reading and watching films and Christmas telly! - we don't have Sky or cable or any actual TV at the moment so I've finally been able to do some leisure reading again, which is ace. I read The Carbon Diaries (Saci Lloyd) which was really thought-provoking and so I'm trying to be better with my carbon usage. So far this is going well since I'm essentially house-bound. I also read Henry Tumour (Anthony McGowan) which was funny and emotional and for kids so I liked it (as was Carbon Diaries). Now I'm reading A Thousand Splendid Suns (Khaled Hosseini) which X derides because it's populist, but I don't care, it's a good story! Have also been watching things on BBC and ITV online players, which is brilliant!

So yes, that's what I've been doing. My new year's resolutions are similar to last year, including doing something nice for someone each day, not using God as a cuss word, not drinking in January. I'm also going to try and make a plan for my life, and I've been doing some research into that today, so we will see if I can actually go through with it this time! Finally I will try and update my blog more regularly. YES!

Staying or Going?

Hmm. I am confused today. And generally. I think I may have made some tactical errors.

Before all of that ramble, thank you Jade for such a lovely dinner party, you are a proper grown-up in a seriously fancy house, congrats! And the food was awesome, was full all day today, yay!

Also, check out this TUNE by Estelle again, it's properly bouncy and fun, I want my own American boy now.

And I want to read this book by Sudhir Venkatesh, and be a sociologist again, rather than a teacher.

And I want my Y10s to be good tomorrow, they were bad and naughty and made me cross today.

So why am I confused you ask? Well, today I had a meeting with the principal of my school to talk about contracts etc. next year. On the one hand she was positive about offering me more sociology teaching and definitely keeping me on next year. On the other hand, she said she couldn't match my city offer (fair enough) and then was really vague about what she could give me and when. I guess it didn't help that I didn't know what I wanted to be in the future, just that I didn't want to be a second in department or progress along the subject route. Hmm. So essentially, I told her I'd think about whether I wanted to stay or not, but then an hour later I told my head of department that I'd be leaving after the summer term. And he was sad. And then I was sad. So now I have been mulling it over and thinking about whether I really want to leave school, and whether I really want to work in the city.

Leaving: won't have to deal with irrational, rude, mad kids.
Going to city: may have to deal with irrational, rude, mad adults.
Leaving: won't be stressed about school
Going to city: will be stressed about something else
Leaving: no more early early starts and loooong marking sessions in the evening
Going to city: instead late evenings in the office
Leaving: getting to read on the tube to work
Going to city: having to take the tube in the first place, aaaargh commuting
Leaving: no more feeling resentful about not getting paid enough
Going to city: getting on the treadmill and becoming really materialistic
Leaving: no more serious leftiness
Going to city: serious right-wingness
Leaving: my life will be about more than just education and kids
Going to city: my life will become about completely pointless things like making money and merging companies.

I guess the thing that gets me is that I am just leaving because they won't pay me enough (for how hard it is) and that I feel like I'm copping out and letting my department and my kids down. My school and department have been really good to me, and despite all the drama, at least I actually feel something about school you know. I remember someone saying that school is the only place where people will notice and care if you are not there. Plus there are the holidays, and the fact that I got to have a nap today at 4pm because I decided to bring my marking home. I get to be in charge of my own time and own work. But then my teaching has become mediocre because I am bored of teaching maths again and again. Primary school?

Anyway, I guess I will have to hand in my resignation now. I just wish they'd pay me more, and then it'd be fine and I could stay and be happier. I can't afford to stay in school, not when other things are factored in, and when she showed me the pay scale and it would take me six years on the normal scale to even be close to what my starting offer is now, my heart just sunk.

Humph. I shall go to bed to contemplate.

Reading and Writing

I finished my statement of purpose in the end. But I don't like it yet, it's not quite right.

Then I made a mistake. I started reading this and then I couldn't sleep, it was all a bit too real. Now I am out of bed and ready to plan lessons. But first I must write my own (poem, not lesson, although maybe they could be the same thing?) else I will be distracted all day.

I think I may have judged the Amber Spyglass too early, it's already very good and mysterious, please erase all my negative comments from your minds.

Update 10:49
Hohoho, it is complete, and I like it. It's a bit filthy though. You, please don't read too much into it, I am feeling a bit dramatic today.

The Perfect Bed

It used to be the case
That in the instant before I landed
The delicate closing of my eyes
Would open my mind up
Wide like a gracious host to sleepy dreams.

The perfect bed
In the corner by the window
Made it oh so easy.
Lumbering and confidently Victorian
In its dominance of the room.

Slipping in and under the ideal weight
Originally wrapped in tessellations of footballs
But now alternating mocha and beige
Just like us.
In the mornings I struggle to shed this second skin.

I wonder if the perfect bed
Would change in your presence?
My certainty is that it would sincerely succeed in
Warming you and cooling me
Until we were mathematically satisfied.

So I toss and turn and flip the pillow over
Hoping the fresh side will distract me
From lucid dreams of tongue tracing
Maple syrup ABCs along your spine.
Even though food isn’t allowed in the perfect bed.

The varnish fails to hide the mottles in the wood
Swirls that he used to graze with hot fingertips
Melting me.
Now it’s you that keeps me awake
Pondering whether your dearth is its first flaw.

Civil Service Day

Tuesdays are meant to be the most productive days for UK workers. Am I feeling productive today? Kinda. Am I channeling this productivity? Not exactly. I do have grand plans - completing my uni applications. These plans are not quite at an implementable level. I have completed one though, so half the battle....most of that was already done though.

Reasons I am not working:

• I lost a scrabble game by 11 points, when it was in the bag until an entirely unforced error. Boo.
• Spurs lost last night. Again.
  
• I have a slight hangover.
• The lovely lovely staircase polisher man is singing along to Magic FM.
• I woke up at 5am and couldn't go back to sleep. This too wasn't that bad, meant I could daydream, giving me control of my screenplay rather than just having to accept whatever my mind chooses. Enough of that.
  
• I am still a bit high from yesterday and can't really be bothered to focus.

So, yesterday. It was the TF Government and Civil Service Sector Training Day. A really good day, learnt a lot about the Civil Service, how the Government is structured, how policy is implemented, the various roles civil servants can take on, the opportunities presented by the Fast Stream, a snapshot into the life of an MP etc. Very informative. Two highlights: visiting the House of Commons, and being taken on a whistle-stop tour of Whitehall while being simultaneously taught about the structure of our political system by lovely Irish Steve.


I didn't know that members of the public can actually sit in on parliamentary debates, but we can, you just have to request a ticket for the Public Gallery from your MP. You can find out who your MP is using theyworkforyou and then email your MP using links from the site. My MP was super efficient (a reason to vote Tory?) and got me a great seat.

We watched questions to Des Browne, Secretary of State for Defence, which was really good and detailed. The department under question gets questions submitted to them 5 days beforehand, and then they have to prepare all the answers. It's good to know that other MPs are questioning the actions of various departments, and also that there's a bit of checking and balancing going on even within the Labour party. I was a bit shocked at how the MPs behaved around each other, lots of heckling and cutting each other down etc. but the Speaker was a good referee and kept them under control (kinda reminded me of dealing with a rather enthusiastic class!)

Anyway this was all exciting enough, but then at about 3:20pm loads of MPs started coming into the Commons and we were all trying to figure out why. Then the big-shots came in too - Cameron and Brown. Mr Brown delivered his speech on the EU Treaty hot off the press, was really cool. Annoyingly we had to leave before it got super juicy, but it was pretty awesome to watch the whole thing and also see the Prime Minister and Charles Kennedy and Ian Duncan-Smith and others too live in action. I wanted to say live in concert there, heehee.

The crazy tour made me a laugh, mainly because Steve doesn't know I did politics at university, and also because I am shocked at how little I remembered from first year...clearly the years of drinking have knocked me out. Bless him though, he answered all kinds of questions and even dealt with my endless comparisons of our government being a large football squad and the Cabinet being the first XI. So despite being really rather hyper all day yesterday, I was on good form and it was educational.

Still a bit gutted that Spurs lost last night, but on the plus side I had a lovely evening with Mouche, with lots of walking and drinking and laughing about silly things. London at night by the river is SICK. It was strange, we were walking through these side roads in the cold cold back to the tube station and Westminster was just silent, it was like being in some village somewhere, very nice. I think the coldness helped keep me sensible, I am proud.


Right I'm going to have a nap to prep for some squash later this afternoon. Rouse, a shout-out to you, I am still laughing at you today, you're hilarious! Maybe I will dream of you and cakes...

A good Wednesday

I've always liked Wednesdays. I think it stems back to school days, halfway through the week + activities afternoons.

I had a really good day at school today. Yesterday was a little bit hectic, it always is after a day away. Lots of my kids were giving up on their work, putting heads on the desk, behaving badly, rude etc. But today it was much better, maybe because I was more in control and positive about things. This was despite getting out of the wrong side of bed, and wasting ten minutes in the morning trying to locate my wristwatch, how scatty! Speaking of scatty, can you believe I left my book Drinking Coffee Elsewhere on the plane? I am so annoyed, partly cos I love the book, and partly cos it's a library book and I'd hate for them to suspend my account.

So the good things today:

1. Completely took control of my Y10s, didn't let them get away with anything, so we learnt a lot
2. Successful assembly mission - you know how much assembly stresses me out, but today's KS3 assembly was great and the kids were all so good
3. Taught my Y9 compass constructions (perpendicular and angle bisectors) - very tricky topic but they all completed it, am really pleased :)
4. No fights on my break duty :)
5. My Y7s and Y8s girls football team drew their first match last night, and they were all so sporting and good natured and team spirited that I'm still really high off it
6. One of my tutor group shoved an LSA today and stormed out of school, but we managed not to freak out too much. Although she will be dealt with tomorrow.

I think the biggest good thing today was having a meeting with our Principal. I don't know where I stand on the whole "is she any good"? debate, but she was certainly awesomely supportive today. I approached her for a reference for university applications and she was really positive, which was good. But then she started confusing me, talking about doing an Educational MBA through our academy sponsors, and about how I could get on the leadership fast-track and she'd support applications and stuff, and that I should consider staying on in school. And after a day like today, even with having to mark two sets of 30 books, I feel really good, like I've done something worthwhile and it's been fun. But then sometimes I'm cynical, maybe she was just buttering me up for something, and is just after cheap non-political labour? But then on the other hand, I think I appreciate the recognition, and I think I want to stay in education long term, so hmmm....

Got me thinking anyway. Am excited about tomorrow too, we are restarting our trumpet quartet :) Am just as excited about tonight too, an early night, yay! Well, after marking all these books. I'm not even going to let England's loss to Russia get to me.

I am such a yo-yo.

Facebook Dependency

Grrr.

I was in the middle of doing some "Facebook Work" when the silly site shut down for maintenance. How annoying! I have four Scrabble games that are awaiting my move. Yes, alright, you can shout geek at me from afar. But really, it is very annoying when the site's down. Almost the same as when you can't get to your email or something takes aaaages to download. Humph. Impatience is a virtue right?

In other news, we had the most awesome picnic on Sunday. I'll post the pictures up from that as soon as I can sneak my bro's camera cable.

Today I definitely realised that I would struggle to work independently in an office. By independently I think I mean "continuously and quietly". On the plus side, I am loving the whole 9-5 malarkey, particularly with the extended 11am and 3:30pm tea breaks, and also the fact that I don't have to do any work or think about work or anything like that as soon as I leave the office. I guess this is what normal worker people feel like.

I am currently spending a lot of time thinking about the future and what I should do after my NQT year. I have many different ideas, none of which seem to be related, or even slightly similar, to each other. The most dramatic one is still graduate entry medicine, but I was reading "The Practitioner" journal on the tube this morning and I wasn't enthused. The whole medical debate is something else I need to blog about at some point. Wow, having a life really does make it difficult to ramble on here. Well, obviously not that difficult - all that needs to happen is Facebook going down.