Last thoughts of the day

Almost time for bed :) I am sleepy.

I've moved into my little brother's room because a) the bed is bigger so I can happily starfish b) the room is darker so I can happily oversleep c) the room is quieter so hopefully I won't be woken up by my parents when they get back. Thus now I have a bedroom and study, like my other brother. Yay!

In other news, I found out today that I have to bring in my NQT folder. This will be difficult, given that it doesn't exist. But I'm not gonna stress about it.

And finally, I wonder what the protocol is with regards to adding family members on FB? Cousins and siblings are cool I think, but what about uncles and aunties? I have loads of them on there, but am starting to reconsider whether that's actually a good idea.

Have a good week!

First Day Back at School

First day back at school today, after the extended hiatus. Pretty good actually, was very cool to be back. Only one truly awful moment where I contemplated running away home, but the rest was ok. I'm doing half-days for the rest of this term and have been relieved of the majority of my tutor responsibilities so that I can ease myself back. Had a return to work meeting where I had to explain what had been wrong with me. Was rather cagey, despite my HoD being there too and him already knowing a bit about it all, but anyway. Am thinking perhaps tomorrow I will come clean a bit more so that in case I lose the plot again they can be prepared.

My Y7s were convinced I'd fainted last week and that was why I'd had to go home. My Y8s were angels and just so glad to learn some maths again. Y10s were a handful - they are so love/hate with me. One sticky moment when I kicked out J after she threw a strop. Was going to turn into a slanging match, but she left. Found out later in the day that during my absence she'd been excluded for breaking another girl in my maths group's nose by punching her in the face. So bad were her injuries that she's had to have reconstructive surgery. Scary. Also got into a battle with L who was passing his mobile phone to the girl behind him and then kicked off when I tried to confiscate it. But mostly the day was ok.

Am having crazy dreams for the two hours I'm getting most nights. Really should bother to keep that mood/sleep diary. Hmmm. Still, I'm glad to be back in the game.

Finally a quote that I saw on someone's Facebook today....

The pessimist sees difficulty in every opportunity. The optimist sees opportunity in every difficulty. - Winston Churchill

I like that.

First day and I need a break!

I feel bad for anyone that has to see me straight after a tough day at school. Today's innocent victim was Jadey Bladey - thank you for putting up with my incoherent rambling.

School is always extremes with me - bits I love and bits I hate. Firstly, two things I loved from the day. In Year 7 PSHE the students had to write a little note to two adults and two kids who had made them feel good about stuff since September, and I got a note from little Daniel, who I chose to help me at Open Evening, and who apparently thoroughly appreciated the opportunity. This was sweet. Then my Y12 sociology lesson today was just great, the kids were really into it, it was banterful but we got a lot of work done too, nice.

Two things I hated from today. My Y10s were just uncooperative today, persistently talking and off task and rude and time wasting, was really frustrating. Worse than that, my tutor group. They are driving me up the wall, it's like whatever I do with them, they still walk all over me. I get really cross and worry I will eventually resort to kiddie tactics e.g. giving them the cold shoulder, shouting back at them. They would love that.

I wonder if there is any job where one regularly has to put up with pretty harsh emotional trauma from people one is supposedly there to help? After a bad tutor session with them I feel like jacking it all in, well, at least the tutoring side of things. It also makes me realise I could never be like someone in Spooks - if I can't deal with pressure from 13 year olds, how can I deal with international master criminals? I spend a lot of time thinking about what I am doing wrong, but am yet to come up with a solution. It doesn't help that my FB horoscope says "It's ok to take the easy way out this time. Don't make things more complicated than they need to be. The simplest solution is often the right one". So give up the tutor group?

Thought I'd end with this story I got emailed today, it's pretty deep...

There was once a little boy who had a bad temper. His father gave him a bag of nails and told him that every time he lost his temper, he should hammer a nail into the back of the fence. The first day the boy had driven 37 nails into the back of the fence. Over the next few weeks, as he learnt to control his anger, the number of nails hammered daily gradually dwindled down. He discovered it was easier to hold his temper than drive those nails into the fence. Finally the day came when the little boy didn't lose his temper at all. He told his father about it and the father suggested that the boy now pull out one nail for each day that he was able to hold his temper. The days passed and the boy was finally able to tell his father that all the nails had gone. The father took his son by the hand and led him to the fence. He said "You have done well, my son, but look at all the holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same. When you say things in anger, they leave a scar just like this one. You can put a knife in a man and draw it out. It won't matter how many times you say 'I'm sorry' , the wound is still there. A verbal wound is as bad as a physical one." Friends are very rare jewels indeed. They make you smile and encourage you to succeed. They lend an ear, they share words of praise, and they always want to open their hearts to us.

A lesson learnt?

It's almost sunrise and I've just got home after another ridiculous night. Bertie was supposed to be with me but I have somehow lost him along the way.

As if last night wasn't pushing it enough - nicey pricey cocktails on the 40th floor of 30 St Mary's Axe. The kinda place most teachers are just not allowed; the kinda place that has security checks for yourself and your bags, and simply assumes you are well-off enough for a tab. Good stuff.

But then tonight I officially feel hyper. As I have all day, and maybe even all week. So the Hawaiieen night reached its natural conclusion, with a French boy with a funny name, and then I decided it was time to run off home. And am I proud? No, I feel like an f-ing muppet for doing the same old sh*t once again, when I don't even care. So will I learn? I hope so. Especially since I have now lost two devil's trident type things, and also a set of flashing horns, alongside my flip-flops, which just got stuck in the stickiness of the floor. Classy. No, we were classy, when Bertie and I went to a lovely restaurant on The Strand called Paradiso Inferno (Heaven & Hell) and it was just like Luna Caprisce so I loved it, and so we started off on a good foot; I think I just can't help the drama.

My aim for this weekend now is to sort it out so I don't end up doing this again and then feeling all cross on the night-bus. Not worth it. Let alone the hangover. But then what can I do eh? It's a bit win-win, lose-lose right now.

Update 19:21

Hahaha, I have just re-read what I wrote, I am such a drama-queen. Actually, I did feel bad this morning, but Bertie Smarty Pants has reasoned and justified and managed to make me realise we only live once, so why worry eh? Besides, I like it that I have a reputation amongst lots of random strangers :)

Spent the whole day in bed, but only 4 hours asleep, the rest of it whining and moaning about the world's worst hangover. People who go on facebook and say they have a hangover are lying - a real hangover stops you from doing anything. I couldn't move my head, I had chills and sweats, and when this fly came in the room and started buzzing I thought the world was going to end. Happily at about 2:30pm I picked up the pace (an unintentional "tactical" in the words of my brother...the nausea was overwhelming) and now I am comfortably in my second wind. Meant to be at two separate parties in opposite sides of London - instead am doing the local family shindig where the whiskey will no doubt be flowing.

So no, I don't learn.

Pre-school Greece Chatter

I think it was this time last year that I started my blog. A whole year has gone by...where's the time gone, eh? NQT Miss P, rock n roll.

Got back from our sailing week in Greece this afternoon. Even sitting at my desk 5 hours later I have a vague feeling of motion and swaying. And the accompanying nausea of course. Nothing at all to do with the two week hangover I seem to have accumulated.

So the sailing itself was pretty awesome. Like really awesome. A lovely boat, blue seas, sunshine, islands, Greek food and drink, friendly people, the occasional useful wind(!). I loved all of that - hopping from island to island in the Ionian, learning new skills, both sailing and banter-wise. Things were fine until day four - the jinx day for most of our holidays.

To put it mildly there may have been a teeny tiny bit of drama over the holiday. By tiny I mean just ridiculously out of control drama. Perhaps I am even a little emotionally traumatised by it. I would try and explain it all to you, but unless you knew Disney and all the intricacies of our world, it just wouldn't make sense. But honestly, there were parts of this week that were just amazing, and other parts that were so devastating that you couldn't script it if you tried. I wonder if anyone would watch the film version? Anyway, I think Disney as an entity may be a bit broken at the moment, so perhaps I should use the time I would have spent with them this autumn to write my screenplay instead...

I'm exhausted. This does not bode well with the fact that school starts tomorrow and I really don't care. My Facebook horoscope says "no matter how much people try to cheer you up, you're in a funky mood, and you're just fine with that, thank you very much. Alone time is in order". I'm not sure being in a school with 700 people quite counts as alone time.

Fingers crossed for the new term. Sailing highlights to follow in the week, and maybe even some photos!

Facebook Dependency

Grrr.

I was in the middle of doing some "Facebook Work" when the silly site shut down for maintenance. How annoying! I have four Scrabble games that are awaiting my move. Yes, alright, you can shout geek at me from afar. But really, it is very annoying when the site's down. Almost the same as when you can't get to your email or something takes aaaages to download. Humph. Impatience is a virtue right?

In other news, we had the most awesome picnic on Sunday. I'll post the pictures up from that as soon as I can sneak my bro's camera cable.

Today I definitely realised that I would struggle to work independently in an office. By independently I think I mean "continuously and quietly". On the plus side, I am loving the whole 9-5 malarkey, particularly with the extended 11am and 3:30pm tea breaks, and also the fact that I don't have to do any work or think about work or anything like that as soon as I leave the office. I guess this is what normal worker people feel like.

I am currently spending a lot of time thinking about the future and what I should do after my NQT year. I have many different ideas, none of which seem to be related, or even slightly similar, to each other. The most dramatic one is still graduate entry medicine, but I was reading "The Practitioner" journal on the tube this morning and I wasn't enthused. The whole medical debate is something else I need to blog about at some point. Wow, having a life really does make it difficult to ramble on here. Well, obviously not that difficult - all that needs to happen is Facebook going down.

Primary School Visit

Firstly, Bertie, I am very glad you're reading this, hope you've been keeping your eye out for the lesbionic facebook banter - I've been trying hard to impress you on this front.

Secondly, two quotes from today that I like:

Jade (during my rather funny piano lesson...bless my fingers): "it's meant to make a sound - it's music!"
Emma (during a cheeky drink at the Cuckfield, which by the way has been fabulously redone and is now clearly going to become one of my favourite places to drink): "I've got my head screwed on when I take drugs."

Thirdly, after a delightful meeting tonight my father has confirmed builders will be returning chez nous in the middle of August for 6+ weeks. Excellent, I am eager for this to happen. As eager as I am to teach my Y8s aaaaall day long.

So, on to the primary school visit. I give it an 8 out of 10 - it loses two marks because sports day got rained off towards the end, and because I didn't actually get to watch any maths teaching.

Good points about my day and also primary school teaching at Parkhill in general:

• the kids are smaller than you and thus infinitely more controllable
• they are keen to learn and able to concentrate
• they produced some wonderful creative writing and poster work
• the whole atmosphere of primary schools is colourful and fun and friendly and positive
• there aren't any of the ridiculous secondary school type issues e.g. llittle Jonny and little Sarah trying to sneak into your classroom at break to get their ends away
• better socio-economic status, which leads to a more positive attitude to learning, more resources, more enthusiastic parents, better support from parents, greater aspirations etc.
• you can teach a wide range of things and with more control over how you do it
• you can really mould your kids and build good relationships with them

Bad things about teaching primary:

• the need to socialise kids into behaviour and the ways of school (although I guess you do that at secondary too)
• being with the same, very young kids aaaaall day
• assessment and pressures on kids that is pretty unnecessary in my opinion
• needing to be able to teach lots of things but always at a fairly basic level

Well, Parkhill is a good school - it was rated outstanding in its last OFSTED and gets excellent KS2 results (61% level 5+ in science, 31% level 5+ in English, 38% level 5+ in maths - and all that's with a supposedly "dodgy" year group), not that that's the best way to judge a school. But just being in the place filled me with a sense of the purposeful nature of the school. Once again I am inspired. Maybe a bit of primary teaching wouldn't go amiss with me...?

And finally, was mightily impressed with the school's dyslexic and dyspraxic PE co-ordinator. A delightful man, who organised a wonderful sports day, which the children all thoroughly enjoyed. He even spent time with me explaining how he differentiated PE, a far cry from our streamed PE groups at Forest - whose bright idea was it to put all the PE haters in one group?!

I'm back!

I'm back and running off that weird energy you get when you are knackered. Life is good, my holiday was great, I love Toronto, I love my cousins, I love my uncles and aunts, I love all my family over there and the general wholesome feeling of the place. I think it's the only place I go where I really feel like I have nothing pressing I have to do. Maybe that is what all holidays should feel like.

A more detailed update will follow, but some key thoughts:

1. I am adding The Pursuit of Happyness to my favourite films. I watched it on the flight back too and it almost made me cry both times. Too deep.

2. I wish I had a digital camera to record some of this stuff. I keep meaning to get this sorted. Humph.

3. Three girls from my school-life past have got in touch with me through the wonder of Facebook. This is a very nice and good thing. Two of my uncles are now on Facebook and at least 5 of the teachers from school are on Facebook. This is a kinda nice and good thing, but being the paranoidly guilty soul that I am, I fear only bad can come of this. Obviously no-one will care enough to actually stalk my activities but at any rate I think I will try and be a little less blase with my thoughts and actions. Gone are the days when misdemeanors were quickly forgotten.

And finally I think they are shooting a music video next door - strange. There's a huge red and black limo outside, the house is covered in lights, there's loads of cameras and photolights and stuff, and a red carpet too. Wonder what's happening...

Six weeks of school to go - good thing tomorrow is a training day! Can't believe it's the last bit of term for the year already!