Showing posts with label crazy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label crazy. Show all posts

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

On the job training!

It is eleven o’clock and I am listening to Radio 4 and sipping a nice cup of Earl Grey. I could be a middle-aged lady. Perhaps I am. In fact, I have just been visited by a middle-aged lady – one year off retirement, so maybe more than middle-aged. She is one of the other med secs and she’s nice enough but really rather bitter about her work and life. Her conversation is littered with expletives, which are spat out with such force that I like her less.

I have completed my work for the day (so far anyway). I have done well to stretch out that work for these two hours as really I could have done it in about 20 minutes. In any case, I feel I am now suitably free enough to document the events of yesterday afternoon, namely the ward round and SHO supervision.

The ward round is when the consultant goes and meets the patients and chats with them about their progress and treatment plan. We met a young lady, who looked so sad and pitiful and a product of her history that I crumpled a bit inside. She was admitted after setting fire to her apartment as she thought there were spy cameras in there, through which people could watch her, and ultimately clone her. She was on crack cocaine at the time and in the past has been a heroine and cocaine addict. She left school at fourteen and her baby has been taken into care. She lives in council housing and was given the crack by a man who comes to take photos of her to put on a website (you know the kind I mean). The doctor thought that maybe she had a psychotic episode through the crack. She said she had to drink and take crack to help her stop thinking about her problems. During the ward round she seemed reasonably upbeat and wanted to sort things out for herself. All they could really do for it seemed was to give her advice and contacts to help her e.g. adult literacy classes, drug rehab, council housing phone numbers etc. She won’t be discharged until the end of the week.

The consultant told me that a lot of the time the inpatients get better by themselves, or with a bit of medication, once their episodes are finished. The hospital gives them some time out from society and reality, with people who are focused on their care and wellbeing, so that they can feel strong enough to get better. For the manic patients it is a calm place where they can just be more controlled.

I was looking at the ward list and listening to the briefing meeting and so much of it just made me sad about how these people have come to where they are and what was wrong with them. Granted we are in a deprived area but really for people to go through some of the things that seem to happen here is just inexcusable.

On a more positive note, the new SHOs have started in the department and so yesterday I got to sit on a supervision. We learnt about mental state examinations and the five indicators people check for. These are: mood, energy levels, suicide risk, hallucinations, and delusions (thought disorders). Delusions were postponed until next week because apparently they are the most complicated. For the other four there were loads of definitions and case studies to talk about. Really it seems you can only properly link all the different aspects together after you’ve seen lots and lots of patients and so you know what symptoms constitute what illness. Most interesting to me was the discussion of suicide risk. Apparently a lot of patients say they are a suicide risk but you don’t really need to take them seriously unless they have a plan i.e. have thought through the logistics of their intentions. Otherwise they have only vague ideas, which aren’t so much to worry about. The exception to this, obviously, is the impulsive suicide candidate. In both cases there is usually a precipitating, or trigger, factor, which will set off the suicide, or in some cases, save the patient. The doctor gave the example of a woman who was going to jump in front of train, but decided to have just one last cigarette before plunging, and then by the time she had finished her fag, she had changed her mind. Who would’ve thought cigarettes saved lives?! Another interesting thing we learnt was how the expression “one for the road” came about. It seems that there used to be a prison on Tottenham Court Road, and prisoners that were sentenced to death were hanged down at Marble Arch, so when they had their last drink it was to pluck up the courage to make the long walk down Oxford Street. Again, interestingly, there is a lower risk of homicide amongst mentally ill patients compared with the general population – so low in fact that the risk of homicide is hardly ever formally assessed unless the patient has a forensic history.

The stuff on hallucinations was also really interesting. Hallucinations are perceptual abnormalities i.e. people actually sense these things through touch, sight, hearing etc. Sufferers don’t normally have gustatory, kinaesthetic or olfactory hallucinations – auditory and visual hallucinations are far more common. Hallucinations are a major symptom of paranoid schizophrenia. It was interesting to hear that normally when sufferers hear voices they are simply commenting on what is going on e.g. the voice might say “you’re typing, good, you’re typing” or something like that. The voices are supposedly without emotion or inflection and speak very simply i.e. no clauses or conditions or complicated syntax structures. Sometimes they can even be positive – when people hear “nice” voices it can be difficult to treat them (the doctor said he only treated people who were actually in distress, and not if they didn’t want him to). Normally the voices are not positive though – they are either neutral or derogatory. Often they encourage the sufferer to harm him/herself which is why there is a big risk of self-harm amongst schizophrenic patients. The doctor gave many examples of patients he had had who experienced hallucinations, especially those with alcohol withdrawal symptoms (the ones who see snakes and spiders and all of that).

The final thing I looked at yesterday was a twenty-four page document by a manic patient about how he was going to save all the world’s problems through crying and having a nervous breakdown. It really was a rant of the most fabulous proportions, ridiculously grandiose (he mentions marrying Barbara Bush, and also being given $15 million from the US Government) and repetitive. Mostly I found it sad, that this man was so convinced he could fix the world. Imagine being in such a frenzy and imagine the pressure you could put on yourself at that point. No wonder manic episodes are often followed by major depressions.

Right Radio 4 are doing a programme on controversial books, maybe I’ll have a listen.

Thursday, January 03, 2008

The Wrong Side of the Bed

A valuable lesson learned today. If I get up on the wrong side of the bed in the morning, the correct course of action is to get immediately back in and try again, else the day will be a write-off.

I only pursued this correct course of action at 4pm, when I got back home from school after much trauma, and lo and behold now I feel better. But a lesson learned the hard way.

Actually, I didn't sleep last night, that is probably more the cause of my traumas. I guess it was to be expected - I was having far too good a day on Wednesday that there was no way Thursday could keep up. The problem when I get really happy is that comedown is inevitable, and along with it arrives all kinds of paranoia, weird thoughts, and generally ridiculous actions. For example, I am running redlights, which is something I only do when feeling reckless. Luckily that was ok, but I hit problems when we made a giant skipping rope in the corridor at school and I tried to jump in without looking at the rope (surely the other members of the maths department should have stopped me?!). Inevitably I f-ed up my knee, and am now back to being Limping Lucy. Rubbish. This meant that I didn't do anything properly at school today, preferring instead to cause drama.

That was the most minor of traumas. I upset three people today - two on a small level, one on a real level. I don't know why I have to be honest about what I think and feel. Life was much better and easier when I just kept things to myself and didn't let other people affect me. It turns out being honest about things isn't always the best way forward, particularly when you end up looking like a fruitloop and people get upset with what you say. Further, knowledge is clearly power, so I should try and keep some of this power for myself. As a result, I am now making an effort to be quiet.

A few good things though. I packed up the Christmas decorations early, so at least I have done one thing today; I don't have that Norovirus thing, although am convinced I'll get it since some of the kids will have had it, plus my mother's a doctor so surely it'll somehow sneak in here; I am ignoring school work; I can still walk despite my knee :)

So yes, the RIGHT SIDE OF THE BED tomorrow. It has been decided.

Thursday, December 20, 2007

A wee bit whirlwindy

I am mildly concerned that I might be getting a wee bit whirlwindy aka manic again. I say mildly because I am a bit drunk, but also because I am actually at home not being a nutter, so it can't be that bad. But the signs are there, in that in school I have lost the plot e.g. insisting my department perform a play of The Demon Headmaster when we should be packing crates (ok, not as nuts as all that, we have a copy of the play in a classroom, for some reason....plus I was bored). In the end I made them play poker with me, was the most surreal school day, weird. Generally I feel rather too lively, like in the gym I wanted to run for miles, and even after that I still wasn't tired, and now I just feel like getting into trouble. What is that about?

In other news, two people in our Year 8 dinner asked me if I had a partner at the moment. Again, what is that about? About 2 months ago, when they last asked me, they asked if I had a boyfriend, and now why the switch in lingo? Am I being stalked or can they read my mind or what? Bizarre.

And finally all I have drunk today is tea and alcohol after I put myself on a caffeine ban. Somehow water got caught up in there too. Must make an effort to be better tomorrow.

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

The saga continues

So despite hoping I would make it in to school this week, I am in fact now signed-off sick again. Not entirely sure where the good intentions have gone - perhaps to the same place where my sleep is as that's disappeared too. There are now only two teaching weeks left of this half-term, I can't believe it, how behind are all my kids gonna be?

I'm getting a bit fed up of all this, I just want to zoom through until I am back to normal again. Bleeeurrrrgh. It's really weird too, in that I am quite restless and bored with all this "resting" but then on the other hand I can't really get myself to properly do anything.

Once again, has anyone seen my lost plot? I miss it.

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

In a mess

I am wondering something.

I am wondering how on earth have I got myself into this mess? And more so, why do I insist on continuing to dig that hole?

Somehow I have accepted a job from my old company in September. I don't know how this happened. Where have my principles all gone? What about going back to university? What about my soul? And more importantly, my typing fingers?

I think it is also probably a bad thing that I have given more hours to MyBnk this week than to my actual job. Some people might get cross with that, although I could argue it is important for my mind to be occupied, but not overloaded (like it would be at school).

Clearly I should not be allowed to make decisions.

In other news, I had another blood test today, that was fun. I am also being referred to yet another Giraffe person, which doesn't really fit in with my new plan to ignore all problems. Hmm.

First I think I need to work on my drama addiction. Aaaaargh, how have I got into this mess??? An unnecessarily dramatic last sentence...but clearly the first step is acknowledging the problem.