Hmm. I am confused today. And generally. I think I may have made some tactical errors.
Before all of that ramble, thank you Jade for such a lovely dinner party, you are a proper grown-up in a seriously fancy house, congrats! And the food was awesome, was full all day today, yay!
Also, check out this TUNE by Estelle again, it's properly bouncy and fun, I want my own American boy now.
And I want to read this book by Sudhir Venkatesh, and be a sociologist again, rather than a teacher.
And I want my Y10s to be good tomorrow, they were bad and naughty and made me cross today.
So why am I confused you ask? Well, today I had a meeting with the principal of my school to talk about contracts etc. next year. On the one hand she was positive about offering me more sociology teaching and definitely keeping me on next year. On the other hand, she said she couldn't match my city offer (fair enough) and then was really vague about what she could give me and when. I guess it didn't help that I didn't know what I wanted to be in the future, just that I didn't want to be a second in department or progress along the subject route. Hmm. So essentially, I told her I'd think about whether I wanted to stay or not, but then an hour later I told my head of department that I'd be leaving after the summer term. And he was sad. And then I was sad. So now I have been mulling it over and thinking about whether I really want to leave school, and whether I really want to work in the city.
Leaving: won't have to deal with irrational, rude, mad kids.
Going to city: may have to deal with irrational, rude, mad adults.
Leaving: won't be stressed about school
Going to city: will be stressed about something else
Leaving: no more early early starts and loooong marking sessions in the evening
Going to city: instead late evenings in the office
Leaving: getting to read on the tube to work
Going to city: having to take the tube in the first place, aaaargh commuting
Leaving: no more feeling resentful about not getting paid enough
Going to city: getting on the treadmill and becoming really materialistic
Leaving: no more serious leftiness
Going to city: serious right-wingness
Leaving: my life will be about more than just education and kids
Going to city: my life will become about completely pointless things like making money and merging companies.
I guess the thing that gets me is that I am just leaving because they won't pay me enough (for how hard it is) and that I feel like I'm copping out and letting my department and my kids down. My school and department have been really good to me, and despite all the drama, at least I actually feel something about school you know. I remember someone saying that school is the only place where people will notice and care if you are not there. Plus there are the holidays, and the fact that I got to have a nap today at 4pm because I decided to bring my marking home. I get to be in charge of my own time and own work. But then my teaching has become mediocre because I am bored of teaching maths again and again. Primary school?
Anyway, I guess I will have to hand in my resignation now. I just wish they'd pay me more, and then it'd be fine and I could stay and be happier. I can't afford to stay in school, not when other things are factored in, and when she showed me the pay scale and it would take me six years on the normal scale to even be close to what my starting offer is now, my heart just sunk.
Humph. I shall go to bed to contemplate.
Before all of that ramble, thank you Jade for such a lovely dinner party, you are a proper grown-up in a seriously fancy house, congrats! And the food was awesome, was full all day today, yay!
Also, check out this TUNE by Estelle again, it's properly bouncy and fun, I want my own American boy now.
And I want to read this book by Sudhir Venkatesh, and be a sociologist again, rather than a teacher.
And I want my Y10s to be good tomorrow, they were bad and naughty and made me cross today.
So why am I confused you ask? Well, today I had a meeting with the principal of my school to talk about contracts etc. next year. On the one hand she was positive about offering me more sociology teaching and definitely keeping me on next year. On the other hand, she said she couldn't match my city offer (fair enough) and then was really vague about what she could give me and when. I guess it didn't help that I didn't know what I wanted to be in the future, just that I didn't want to be a second in department or progress along the subject route. Hmm. So essentially, I told her I'd think about whether I wanted to stay or not, but then an hour later I told my head of department that I'd be leaving after the summer term. And he was sad. And then I was sad. So now I have been mulling it over and thinking about whether I really want to leave school, and whether I really want to work in the city.
Leaving: won't have to deal with irrational, rude, mad kids.
Going to city: may have to deal with irrational, rude, mad adults.
Leaving: won't be stressed about school
Going to city: will be stressed about something else
Leaving: no more early early starts and loooong marking sessions in the evening
Going to city: instead late evenings in the office
Leaving: getting to read on the tube to work
Going to city: having to take the tube in the first place, aaaargh commuting
Leaving: no more feeling resentful about not getting paid enough
Going to city: getting on the treadmill and becoming really materialistic
Leaving: no more serious leftiness
Going to city: serious right-wingness
Leaving: my life will be about more than just education and kids
Going to city: my life will become about completely pointless things like making money and merging companies.
I guess the thing that gets me is that I am just leaving because they won't pay me enough (for how hard it is) and that I feel like I'm copping out and letting my department and my kids down. My school and department have been really good to me, and despite all the drama, at least I actually feel something about school you know. I remember someone saying that school is the only place where people will notice and care if you are not there. Plus there are the holidays, and the fact that I got to have a nap today at 4pm because I decided to bring my marking home. I get to be in charge of my own time and own work. But then my teaching has become mediocre because I am bored of teaching maths again and again. Primary school?
Anyway, I guess I will have to hand in my resignation now. I just wish they'd pay me more, and then it'd be fine and I could stay and be happier. I can't afford to stay in school, not when other things are factored in, and when she showed me the pay scale and it would take me six years on the normal scale to even be close to what my starting offer is now, my heart just sunk.
Humph. I shall go to bed to contemplate.
