Living in Dust

Our house is a SERIOUS BUILDING SITE. It's full of dust and making me sneezy. And other dwarves too. I wish I could move out while all this was taking place. I also wish I had a huge storeroom for all my tat so I could just store it away and be happy with my hoarding, rather than having to sort through it and throw some of it away. I hate throwing things away. I do like sorting though.

Today was a good school day. Mondays are getting better, mainly because I am still on a high from the weekend. That said, this was the first Monday I've actually taught this term (one training day, one bank holiday, one sick day) so perhaps it was novelty value.

I spent the whole weekend doing fun stuff, and also the whole weekend with X, which makes me smile tremendously. I am now plotting ways to make the weekdays as good as the weekends. This is going well with regards to this half of term, but patently next half will be far busier, what with report writing and exam paper marking and not having any lessons planned etc. Still, that's the final push, so it'll be ok. This is despite the fact that teachers seem to be leaving the school in waves. Poor kids, no teachers want to stay there, but that's what happens when your school is nuts.

This week's word of the week is METICULOUS, which I like. Last week's was EMANCIPATE and the student sentence that won the prize was "Abraham Lincoln emancipated the slaves, but why did he wear that ridiculous hat?" Hahaha.

I'm off to shower now after playing with all that dust. Then I am going to sit and chill now that most of the ground floor is completely uninhabitable. Woo.

SHOUTING!

I was a shouty teacher today. It was great! I usually can't shout, and really by the time it got to lesson four I was quite drained by it all, but on the plus side behaviour was soooo good and I actually got to teach stuff almost all the way through my Y10 lesson - unheard of! Also PSHE with my tutor group was lots of learning, I like it. I could almost get used to it, although clearly I can't be a super shouty person all the time. That said, the more experienced teachers say that if you can get it down at the start, then the kids know where the line is and so will behave accordingly. Plus if you over-use your shouting it becomes ineffective; the kids learn to drown you out. But today, being super strict and nipping things in the bud, along with a few readings of the riot act, really worked a treat.

I have set my first homework of the term. Tomorrow I will set five more classes their homework. Which means next week I will be marking marking marking again, grrr, I hate marking. We have a super long staff meeting + twilight INSET on Tuesday, which will be knackering, and I have a meeting with the corporates on Thursday, so essentially I should go to bed now to catch up on the sleep I will lose. Clearly that won't work though, this weekend is also pretty hectic and I'll have to work Sunday. Boo. Oh well, it was nice to not be sleep deprived for a while.

No comment on Arsenal - Spurs last night, except that at least we didn't lose.

And finally, J from my tutor group has been away at Disneyland over Christmas and today was his first day back in school. He bought me this, bless...

Engagement Party

Hohoho, don't usually do THREE posts in one day, but it's a special occasion. Had to point out that I haven't done any of the work I intended to do today including lesson plans for tomorrow, oh dear. Further, have tried to match my bro drink for drink at this engagement and it is only just hitting me. Thirdly, easily this is the most hilarious engagement I have been to.

Engagements are pretty new in my family, usually we just do wedding and reception, but what the hey, the more parties the better. Held at the lovely Prince Regent, this shindig for about 200 people would easily have set the in-laws back between five and ten k (free bar baby, oh yeah!) They had an excellent magician there, who did such tricks as making you pick and sign a card, and then your card appearing inside a brand new kiwi and also making you pick a card and then your card stick to the ceiling of the dining room. Amazing. My father has his card (business, not playing); I am both excited and concerned that he will be booked for my entirely unintended wedding.

What else? Well, the father-in-law of the bride's speech was just comedy. He talked about his younger son discovering he had a willy; about how the compere's mother would put a chair in front of the bedroom door to stop any rumpy-pumpy taking place; about how life is all about destiny; and about how marriage is a gamble and you should play your cards well. Funny stuff and serious stuff wrapped up into one. Will take the last quote to my kids tomorrow.

These guys aren't getting married until next September, how long is that?! Still, looking at the rock he put on her finger tonight, she will be happy to wait.

Round Two

After spending most of last night tossing and turning (not in a fun way), I stood in front of the bathroom mirror this morning and gave myself a little pep-talk. Once again I decided it was time to 'fess up at school and get some support, but as usual, when it comes down to it I can't really declare anything, which means I can't get the time off. Pretty much trapped on that front for now.

Anyway, doesn't matter, Spurs won last night so decided I should just plough my way through school. It was alright.

Particular highlights:

• rolling on a condom on a rubber willy before 9am, and having to explain what self-stimulation was
• hearing that my form had received so many complaints across the school that "serious measures" were to be taken (hahaha, at least I'm not the only one being driven mad there)
• "E" from my tutor group slamming her bag against the wall twice within the space of 10 mins
• my Y10s taking my slightly insane behaviour from yesterday to heart and so behaving today
• my Y7s understanding the concept of negative powers of 10 (crazy stuff, some kids will never get that!)
• my Y9s actually learning in the computer room, despite "M" coming back and causing drama with "T" who had decided that bunking maths to go to random other lessons was no longer feasible
• a kid in detention actually apologising for his behaviour and giving me a lollipop

I made a bit of a mistake today - I mentioned to someone that I wasn't going to stay for next year. Whoops.

Am also cross about the salacious TF gossip that is flying at the moment, you can't trust anyone these days. Hahaha, bit of a contradiction there actually, given that I half bare my soul on here on the regular. But still.

Time For School

The end of half-term. How have nine days passed so quickly? It's almost a blur to me. Still, all good things come to an end...roll on Christmas, only 7 weeks to go!

After yet another night of fun, this time on a local level (nothing like being 15 mins from your bed, and also the clocks going back...wish that'd happen every weekend!) I decided to hit the gym hard. Loved it, my arms are gloriously aching. Berts, you'll be pleased to know I got yet another phone number in that place, hot stuff :) Then went to Diwali in the Square, which was beautiful. I love those times when I feel really connected with the whole Asian thing, and not on a banter level. Lots of dancing and singing and lights and food and all of that, excellent. Then tried to make it to an open mic night, but somehow got lost, and my conscience got to me, and I want to watch MOTD so legged it home. Lovely Sunday. Resolution for this half-term: live for the weekend.

What else? Well, I love Daniel because when discussing my potential as Spurs manager he said: "I think you'd be a great Spurs manager. Plenty of experience dealing with stroppy brats who don't want to do what they're told, used to being shouted at by hooligans, and trained to improve results in 'challenging' institutions". Hohoho.

I also love Bertie cos he sent me this: "bertie smarty pants? ouch meena very ouch. hope ure feeling better today good luck for tomorrow gorgeous x". When people on Saturday asked me why we weren't together I said it was because of THE RASH, but really, I think it's cos he's just too good to me. Wonder what will happen to the drama on that front....ooooooh drama Bertie!

Speaking of drama, I had decided that I would get my number one drama out of the way by just trying to sort it out so that after half-term I'd know one way or the other what was going on. I don't know why half-term is the deadline - this week means nothing to ordinary people. But then I decided that if I don't know one way or the other, then nothing is really happening, so I should just get on with seeing the other lovely boys. But then I decided I didn't want that. So I am back to square one.

What a useful ramble. It's similar to the battle I had with the Photo-Me machine today - wasteful. Which brings me to my final quote, Liz C: "I don't have the evidence for the link between psychotic behaviour and diarising every minute detail of your life to hand. I'm sure it exists. Doesn't the guy in American Pyscho do stuff like that? Not to worry, I'm sure you're fine. x"

Hohoho. Come on weekend.

Keeping Safe + Teenage Teachers

Two hilarious things to talk about, after another fun day in school :)

Caution, the following post contains graphic language and content. If, like some of my kids, your parents don't want you to learn about this stuff, you need a note in your diary.


Lesson 1 today, PSHE with my tutor group. The hot topic of the day, oh yes, "keeping safe - contraception". Cue the entrance of a shiny sleek rubber willy, a HUGE tub of lube, and four condoms, all in a cardboard box. The kids were pretty hyped up, it was great! Personally, am disappointed with the willy, I think it was only 6 inches or so. Just read that again, obviously I don't mean personally disappointed, stop your dirty mind.


We spend the first 20 minutes getting over the giggles and trying to match up pictures of contraception with their names. I struggle to differentiate between a "cervical cap" and a diaphragm. One of the girls is rather more clued-up than I thought, and helps out here. The kids cringe at my description of an IUD as similar to a "fishing hook". The picture of a condom is weirdly rectangular. We debate the distinction between the contraceptive pill and the morning after pill. D chips in with "Viagra Miss, that's the pill isn't it?" I laugh, despite trying to take the topic seriously. Here begins a lengthy discussion on erectile dysfunction, during which many of the kids laugh at the idea of old people having sex. Bless their young socks.

Later in the lesson one of the girls points out that all the contraception seems to be geared towards women. This leads to a big boy-bashing session, with a number of girls claiming that boys are just after one thing and that the girls are the ones left to deal with the consequences. The boys respond with the idea that girls try and tie them down too early, and that why shouldn't they jump at the chance of sex if they get offered it? It's funny and serious at the same time. It's strange because on the one hand there are kids who are all "Miss, why do we have to learn this, we're not gonna have sex any time soon" and on the other hand there are the kids who say things like "it's ok to give head, you can't catch anything and it makes you a good girlfriend". Not just strange, a bit worrying too.

The last part of the lesson made me laugh again. I was showing them this PowerPoint on contraception that I hadn't looked through yet. Slides 3 and 4 were about myths to do with contraception and sex, including such gems as "you can't get pregnant if you have sex on a boat" and "you can't get pregnant if you're underage". Thankfully the kids laughed at the ridiculousness of all these myths, saying that people must be stupid if they believed those things. However there were some raised eyebrows when I said that you COULD get pregnant even if you were on your period, and also even if he pulls out early.

It was actually a really good lesson, clearly if the kids care about the topic they will learn more, and learn better. Part 2 of this topic after half-term.

The other funny thing was this BBC3 programme called Leave Us Kids Alone. Basically over the summer twelve 17/18 year-olds were given control of a school and a class of 30 Year 8s to teach. The idea was that all these teenagers would have an opportunity to implement all their visions of a perfect school. In truth, many of them realised how hard it was to teach and run a school. I couldn't help but smirk when the rather weak "headteacher", Sam, struggled to get the kids to listen to him in assembly. Similarly when the jokey banter of "drama teacher", Liam, got him into all kinds of trouble with behaviour. It's so true, you need to play act all day at being a big serious adult, else the kids won't take you seriously. That's not to say that you can't be fun, but they need to see the serious side first. Anyway, the school failed its inspection, the headteacher quit, and a new head was appointed. Am interested to see what happens next in the school, and also the story of the dyslexic acting head chef, who felt that school let her down, and now wants to prove her worth in the classroom.

One day to go. Whoop!

More Poetry

Just to hammer the point home (and also because a strong cup of coffee + half a bottle of red wine + the joy of Spurs coming back from 4-1 are not really conducive to sleep...at least not for me) here's a hilarious Roger McGough poem from AS English. I found it in an article in the Daily Mail about how an 11 year old was traumatised after having to draw pictures based on the poem at school. Oh dear, even I wouldn't make children draw pictures of kids being slayed by their teacher. The poem, on the other hand, strikes a chord with me today...

The Lesson
Chaos ruled OK in the classroom
as bravely the teacher walked in
the hooligans ignored him
hid voice was lost in the din

"The theme for today is violence
and homework will be set
I'm going to teach you a lesson
one that you'll never forget"

He picked on a boy who was shouting
and throttled him then and there
then garroted the girl behind him
(the one with grotty hair)

Then sword in hand he hacked his way
between the chattering rows
"First come, first severed" he declared
"fingers, feet or toes"

He threw the sword at a latecomer
it struck with deadly aim
then pulling out a shotgun
he continued with his game

The first blast cleared the back row
(where those who skive hang out)
they collapsed like rubber dinghies
when the plug's pulled out

"Please may I leave the room sir?"
a trembling vandal enquired
"Of course you may" said teacher
put the gun to his temple and fired

The Head popped a head round the doorway
to see why a din was being made
nodded understandingly
then tossed in a grenade

And when the ammo was well spent
with blood on every chair
Silence shuffled forward
with its hands up in the air

The teacher surveyed the carnage
the dying and the dead
He waggled a finger severely
"Now let that be a lesson" he said

The Weekend

Blah. It's Sunday. You know what that means....lesson planning. I figured out what I hate about teaching - all the stuff that isn't actually interacting with the kids in school. By that I mean planning, assessment, recording, reporting...bureaucracy. This probably sounds strange to those of you who know how well I love a good plan. I think lesson plans are different, mainly because I don't like teaching maths and the plans just lead to more plans.

It's almost 6pm. Our lunch guests left a short while ago after a booze fuelled feast. I have managed 7 days now on the detox; it's going well, but my target date is 5th October, which is FAAAAAAAR away. My family are being very weird about this. Last night we were at a family 21st and my mother asked me why I wasn't drinking. I explained the detox. She looked horrified. "Don't do that, you will only have a binge when you can drink again. It's better to drink a little bit each day rather than save it all up". She knows me well. My father's approach is rather different. We don't really do aperitifs in my house, preferring to hit the hard stuff straight. So at 12:50pm when our guests arrived, out came the big guns. "Whisky or brandy?," he asks. When I respond that a coke is fine, I get shocked looks from not just him, but my relatives as well. They proceed to demolish a bottle of whisky and three quarters of brandy. The Baileys and sherry also get a look in. Just after pudding the talk turns to an upcoming wedding between my cousin and her Muslim boyfriend. The concern here is that there will be no alcohol at the reception. My father and uncle put their heads together and decide that they will shoulder the responsibility of setting up a secret car park bar. Problem solved.

On Friday night we had a maths department curry, which was tasty tasty. Staying away from the Cobra meant that I could actually finish off my meal. However, I am concerned that I have just swapped drinking for food, a new addiction for me. My HoD remarked that he was thought I was a nice responsible girl until the Christmas drinks, where I went a little bit wild. It's a strange idea we all seem to have about drink...I can't figure out if people want me to drink or not.

During that dinner I heard two awesome stories from colleagues. One teacher told us all about how he'd ran a "bring a granny to the opera" programme when he was in charge of a youth centre. Each hoodie had to dress up nicely and invite a senior citizen to the opera. On the night 50 kids and seniors turned up at the ROH, everyone acting the perfect lady/gentleman. Woulda loved to have seen that! Another teacher told us about how she and three other teachers had been on a camping trip with some kids and had got so hammered during the night that they'd decided to hurl the kids' breakfasts at their tents! Imagine it, 30 eggs and sausages lobbed at sleeping children! In the morning one child was convinced that someone had been throwing eggs at him in the night. "Don't be so silly; it was probably a bad dream, " was the response. Shocking.

Aarrrgh I hate planning so much. Why am I doing this again?

Would you employ this teacher?

My Disney-buddy Sprouse is teaching English in Oxford. She mentioned a drama once when a child jumped on the table during a lesson. I sympathised with her, even when she elaborated that she only taught the one child by himself, he was 12, and it was a private lesson (so she got paid my week's salary in one session).

She sent across her potential teacher profile:

"miss rouse just finished her degree in chemistry and has no teaching experience at all. she has also never learned grammar so is not qualified in any way to be teaching your children. you are wasting your money. outside of academia, her interests include your faces". i'm thinking along these lines. sound ok?

I would employ you Sprouse - maybe this is the business we've been waiting for?

Friday night ramblings

Have just eaten a plain roti with potato curry so can't sleep yet so will ramble instead...

Went to a lovely Lebanese in Queensway with some TFers. Excellent shisha. Despite looking forward to the whole smoking ban, will be sad to see these institutions go. Chances are they will find their way around it though...fingers crossed anyway.


New '07 TFers have their London week next week. Bless them, can't believe it's been a year since we did our London week already! First taste of school life for the new kids on the block. Excellent, fresh meat for our little angels to torment. Fingers crossed they'll be nice; have every faith in them.

Last day at Mulberry. Very nice stuff. Finally saw some naughty kids, and also some very low-ability ones, but even the bottom set Y7 were working on isometric drawings with some managing to churn out level 6 stuff, so not all bad there. Taught them a maths game - call out a number, if it's in the two times table clap your hands, if it's in the three times table hum etc. They seemed to enjoy it, funny funny stuff indeed.

And lastly, apparently the football girls were awfully behaved this week and so have been pulled out of the London Youth games by the other coach and the PE department. This does sadden me - why couldn't they hold it together? It's a shame, the Youth games is amazing, they've missed a good opportunity there. On the plus side, this means I can go to Tania's 18th tomorrow night, and also have Sunday free to PORTFOLIO, fun times! Need to get through the skills masterclass ("defining my leadership journey"...*mini-cringe*) at Freshfields tomorrow morning first.

Good and funny things about school

Finally a good day :) Because:

1. I got enough sleep.
2. I finally got to teach actual "challenging" maths i.e. something above what I did in primary school. My subject mentor has lent me the top 7 kids in her top set Y9 for me to do A/A* material with, and it's great! Yippee! Also I am working with my HoDs top set Y10 group on Mayfield coursework, which is actually quite good fun when you don't have to spend 10 lessons going over what the mean, median, mode and range before you can even start.
3. Y7 parents' evening - this was very tiring but good to speak to parents and tell them how much their kids have achieved over the year. On a slight downer, lots of lovely troublemakers from the top set will be moved down into my group tomorrow, which will obviously cause some nice chaos, excellent.
4. Hitting the gym. Shoulda done this a long time ago. My general fear that I might actually whack a kid has pleasantly subsided (I am convinced I have that IED thing that the Swiss Re banker who whacked his daughter has, bless her soul. Although obviously not as intense as him).
5. My Professional Tutor is returning! Yay Babs! And apparently she sent my professional mentor in school an email full of criticism about my mentor's lack of work, excellent! Aaah, despite all her controversy, I am a big fan of Babs, can't wait to tell her all the drama.

So, to reward you all for putting up with my grumbling etc. here are some funnies my uncle sent me. Yes, they are to do with exams, but this is supposed to be an education blog. Supposedly.

Funny Ginger + ranting

I am not well and about to go to bed. But before that, some ranting.

Forgot to mention last time that when that little boy lost the plot and started shouting at me, he did it in front of another teacher, who at the time tactfully didn't get involved, but then later told the rest of the maths department about what had happened. This explains why my Head of Department tried to have a serious chat with me (think I avoided that one) and why my subject mentor asked me, completely out of the blue, who I would get rid of from my Y8 group if I could get rid of anyone. Obviously the fact that the kids think of me as weak is one thing, but it's lovely to know that the rest of my department thinks I am a bit rubbish too.

Hmmm, so maybe this is why I don't feel well, my body is wimping out of having to face more of the music tomorrow.

Berts, really, now I don't remember the conversation at all. I'm glad I was nice, but my memory is clearly shot to pieces - maybe it is taking the assault intended for my liver?

Anyway, in funnier news, I am stealing this from Ginger's drunken FB note cos it's just that funny!

Ahhhh everyone loves a good school anecdote. Well, not when I'm drunk and ranting about them, but none-the-less, let's get some of them down for posterity.


Year 9 girl: "Miss, am I a sperm?"
Me: "Errrrr.....no".
Girl: "But, miss, Racquel said I was".

Hmmm.

Same girl: "Miss, where are you from?"
Me: "Birmingham".
Girl: "Oh, is that why you're so posh, then?"

If only she knew.

My favourite anecdote - everyone has probably heard it by now:
Year 11 science. Thursday afternoon. Have alreday been called a ginger bitch. Not feeling great about the lesson. Go to demo group 1 metals in water. Slightly over-enthuse with the sodium. Massive explosion; smoke fills the room, a loud bang is heard and sparks rain down on us all. A piece of paper is set on file. Many girls now screaming and hiding under tables saying that I'm trying to kill them. One student shows me her t-shirt; it is covered in little singe marks from the sparks. Thankfully, she thinks this is "cool".

Once girls have dismissed, have a little cry in the deputy head's office.

Oh holy Jesus.

Obviously, some children have no sense of what is acceptable:
"Miss, how is your sex life going?"
"Miss are you on your period, because you're in a really bad mood tooday".

Me being inappropriate when yr13 girl answers phone in the lesson:
(pointing at phone) "Oi, Debbie, can we have it off please?!"
My subsequent giggling kind of undermined the telling off.

Bizarreness:
(in the middle of a lesson when I am dissecting a pig's heart):
"Urgh miss it looks like a pussy."

Observing at a mixed school, also in Hackney:
yr 7 boy: "Oh miss, you're giving me a boner".

A lovely Turkish yr 9 girl is using her Turkish-English dictionary to help with her work - she is trying to describe an experiemnt where we looked at kitchen roll soaking up water and she is trying to describe this:
"The flaccid tissue will take up more water."
Poor girl had mis-translated "soft". Once I had figured this out I explained that flaccid was probably not the best word to use. Bless her. Struggled to keep a straight face.

Some good things in a list

Another tough day at school. I think if they offered me the option to quit now, and there would be no negative consequences, then I'd do it. In fact, late this afternoon I found myself fantasising about deliberately sabotaging my work towards my QTS so that I wouldn't achieve QTS and thus would be automatically freed from my contract. This is worrying.

I heard today that my mother's receptionist sold her four-bedroom flat in Earl's Court for £1.2 million. Wow. To think I gave up such a lucrative career as a medical PA. Hahaha.

I have four mouth ulcers at the moment, not very nice. I have thus decided I must either be suffering from chronic stress or even burnout - oh dear. Still, there are some highlights in my life:

1. My football girls - both teams lost their matches and there was lots of drama, but good spirits there. Particularly funny was the fact that we play next to a gigantic rubbish dump, thus making the Leyton football tournament seem similar to an impromptu street tournament in some Brazilian favela/Kenyan slum. The rubbish and dust even blows across the pitch into our eyes and mouths. Nice.

2. My dance class - actually, this really was fun, completely took my mind off things. We learnt to do this funny twirly thing, and I kept getting caught up in my own feet, but had lots of fun doing it.

3. This link sent to me from Potter - how lovely! I do love a good hug, but I think hugging kids is a bit of a no-no.

4. The email below sent to me from my Dad. So I guess they want me to get married soon, but only to a nice man:


WAYS TO TURN DOWN UNWANTED MEN !!!!
> >>>
> >>>
> >>> HE : Can I buy you a drink?
> >>> SHE : Actually I'd rather have the money.
> >>>
> >>> HE : I'm a photographer. I've been looking for a face like yours.
> >>> SHE : I'm a plastic surgeon. I've been looking for a face like yours.
> >>>
> >>> HE : Hi. Didn't we go on a date once? Or was it twice?
> >>> SHE : Must've been once. I never make the same mistake twice.
> >>>
> >>> HE : How did you get to be so beautiful?
> >>> SHE : I must've been given your share.
> >>>
> >>> HE : Will you go out with me this Saturday?
> >>> SHE : Sorry. I'm having a headache this weekend.
> >>>
> >>> HE : Your face must turn a few heads.
> >>> SHE : And your face must turn a few stomachs.
> >>>
> >>> HE : Go on ,don't be shy. Ask me out.
> >>> SHE : Okay, get out.
> >>>
> >>> HE : I think I could make you very happy.
> >>> SHE : Why? Are you leaving?
> >>>
> >>> HE : What would you say if I asked you to marry me?
> >>> SHE : Nothing. I can't talk and laugh at the same time.
> >>>
> >>> HE : Can I have your name?
> >>> SHE : Why? Don't you already have one?
> >>>
> >>> HE : Shall we go see a movie?
> >>> SHE : I've already seen it.
> >>>
> >>> HE : Where have you been all my life?
> >>> SHE : Hiding from you.
> >>>
> >>> HE : Haven't I seen you some place before?
> >>> SHE : Yes. That's why I don't go there anymore.
> >>>
> >>> HE : Is this seat empty?
> >>> SHE : Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.
> >>>
> >>> HE : So, what do you do for a living?
> >>> SHE : I'm a female impersonator.
> >>>
> >>> HE : Hey baby, what's your sign?
> >>> SHE : Do not enter.
> >>>
> >>> HE : Your body is like a temple.
> >>> SHE : Sorry, there are no services today.
> >>>
> >>> HE : If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
> >>> SHE : If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

Keep smiling!

Funny maths things

Two funny things happened in school today. Well, lots of funny things, but two particularly funny things.

Firstly, period 2, support teaching Y10, a lesson on ratios. As a starter the teacher has pictures of giant apples and bananas on the board, and asks the class the ratio of apples to bananas. There are 6 apples and 2 bananas so some pupils correctly answer 6:2. The discussion moves on to simplifying ratios. In an attempt to help them understand, the teacher splits the fruit into two groups so that there are 3 apples and 1 banana in each group. However, the teacher does not really consider the layout of her new fruit groups. She stacks the 3 apples one on top of each other, and then puts the banana next to them. The banana is at an angle. Cue ridiculous guffawing from most of the class, and, I am ashamed to say, me too. The teacher isn't sure what is going on and so tells them to be quiet and then continues pointing at the giant ratio fruit, now resembling huge wide awake willies. Oh dear.

Secondly, I was marking Y7 practice papers for their exams next week. Yawn yawn, I hate exam papers, and can't believe I have to prep my Y7s for their end of year exams, how ridiculous, talk about narrowing the curriculum and teaching to the test. Anyway, question 10 is about sampling. Ali, Brian and Caro all ask people to taste two drinks and decide which they think is the supermarket cola and which is the more expensive cola. Ali surveys 20 people, Brian surveys 50 people, and Caro surveys 200 people. Part d is as follows, with sincere answer from one of my Y7s:

Ali, Brian and Caro all had different results. Whose result is likely to be the most reliable? Tick your answer.

Y7 ticks Ali.

Explain why you chose that answer.

because I wouldn't bother going round to ask 200 or 50 people about some coke! it would waste my energy. I think 20 people would save time.

Bear in mind we spent aaaages on surveys and sampling, and almost every other kid in the class got the question correct by choosing Caro and explaining that she surveyed the most people, and this kid's answer gets even more funny. Bless.

Here's an article on TF, perhaps with a vision some of us jaded TFers have forgotten....
And another one in the same issue of The Independent, which is all about TF but manages not to mention it by name at all, ingenious.

Funny Things

Well, this first bit isn't that funny. F in Y10 has been put into the custody of social services after going majorly AWOL and getting in trouble with the police. Her mum is apparently a "psycho" threatening to "kidnap her". This means she can't go home and so there is lots of drama surrounding that. Further, she has effectively been temporarily excluded from school and is instead in the LSU (Learning Support Unit) all day rather than in class. I remarked that there should be a drama series about her since her life is just one big saga, to which she laughed, thus making me realise I should stop complaining and start smiling.

So I won't tell you about my ok-day (except for the school band practice after class, which was so much fun....seriously, no-one can escape my "killer" voice or trumpet, hahahaha). Instead I will share with you a number of things that have made me laugh in the last 20 mins.

Firstly, Sanju's blog....another record of maths TF-ing. Check out in particular Taruna's extended comment (a Science TFer) - me thinks she needs her own blog! Poor girl on the residential, hahahaha.

Secondly, this delightful link sent from Rouse Mouse....a whole blog dedicated to Neighbours from someone who seems to waste even more time than me!

And thirdly, very funny email excerpts from our favourite beige couple...

Sprouse: PS i just realised that email had no content. it's because i haven't done anything worth writing about lately.
except there were lots of plant pots on fire on broad street the other day. and my canadian stalker has got in contact again, i saw him in town the other day and thought he hadn't noticed me but he emailed. he's not a very good stalker, he hasn't said anything since september. i want a new one.

Pij: Electricity was thus cut off roundabout October when there was food such as salmon and an assortment of meats in the freezer. Oh dear. So, in climbed the maggots for a wonderful wonderful feast but alas once in they had no escape and in a futile attempt to get out clambered all the way to the top of the freezer where they died anyway. Losers.

Sprouse: oh and there is AN AMAZING dvd in jij's house. i think it might even be better than the incredible shrinking man. meena, you should get it for your brother, he'd love it. lady julia ramsbottoms' tour of cambridge.

Pij: I have got to the level where I can scream at my kids now and then tell them I don't like shouting when they all look like they are about to cry. Kids are sily and uncoordinated. I also don't let them win in games sometimes and dribble past all of them when I play football with them. Sometimes they cry and then I just do it again. I love my job.

Girls, you make me laugh. Pij, I think TF is calling you. And Sprouse, not sure about the dream but obviously it's something to do with anxiety (as they all are) and perhaps pressure from people who matter to you to conform in a way you don't want to/don't think it's right to. Any dream about tat is a winner though.