I am not well and about to go to bed. But before that, some ranting.
Forgot to mention last time that when that little boy lost the plot and started shouting at me, he did it in front of another teacher, who at the time tactfully didn't get involved, but then later told the rest of the maths department about what had happened. This explains why my Head of Department tried to have a serious chat with me (think I avoided that one) and why my subject mentor asked me, completely out of the blue, who I would get rid of from my Y8 group if I could get rid of anyone. Obviously the fact that the kids think of me as weak is one thing, but it's lovely to know that the rest of my department thinks I am a bit rubbish too.
Hmmm, so maybe this is why I don't feel well, my body is wimping out of having to face more of the music tomorrow.
Berts, really, now I don't remember the conversation at all. I'm glad I was nice, but my memory is clearly shot to pieces - maybe it is taking the assault intended for my liver?
Anyway, in funnier news, I am stealing this from Ginger's drunken FB note cos it's just that funny!
Ahhhh everyone loves a good school anecdote. Well, not when I'm drunk and ranting about them, but none-the-less, let's get some of them down for posterity.
Year 9 girl: "Miss, am I a sperm?"
Me: "Errrrr.....no".
Girl: "But, miss, Racquel said I was".
Hmmm.
Same girl: "Miss, where are you from?"
Me: "Birmingham".
Girl: "Oh, is that why you're so posh, then?"
If only she knew.
My favourite anecdote - everyone has probably heard it by now:
Year 11 science. Thursday afternoon. Have alreday been called a ginger bitch. Not feeling great about the lesson. Go to demo group 1 metals in water. Slightly over-enthuse with the sodium. Massive explosion; smoke fills the room, a loud bang is heard and sparks rain down on us all. A piece of paper is set on file. Many girls now screaming and hiding under tables saying that I'm trying to kill them. One student shows me her t-shirt; it is covered in little singe marks from the sparks. Thankfully, she thinks this is "cool".
Once girls have dismissed, have a little cry in the deputy head's office.
Oh holy Jesus.
Obviously, some children have no sense of what is acceptable:
"Miss, how is your sex life going?"
"Miss are you on your period, because you're in a really bad mood tooday".
Me being inappropriate when yr13 girl answers phone in the lesson:
(pointing at phone) "Oi, Debbie, can we have it off please?!"
My subsequent giggling kind of undermined the telling off.
Bizarreness:
(in the middle of a lesson when I am dissecting a pig's heart):
"Urgh miss it looks like a pussy."
Observing at a mixed school, also in Hackney:
yr 7 boy: "Oh miss, you're giving me a boner".
A lovely Turkish yr 9 girl is using her Turkish-English dictionary to help with her work - she is trying to describe an experiemnt where we looked at kitchen roll soaking up water and she is trying to describe this:
"The flaccid tissue will take up more water."
Poor girl had mis-translated "soft". Once I had figured this out I explained that flaccid was probably not the best word to use. Bless her. Struggled to keep a straight face.
Forgot to mention last time that when that little boy lost the plot and started shouting at me, he did it in front of another teacher, who at the time tactfully didn't get involved, but then later told the rest of the maths department about what had happened. This explains why my Head of Department tried to have a serious chat with me (think I avoided that one) and why my subject mentor asked me, completely out of the blue, who I would get rid of from my Y8 group if I could get rid of anyone. Obviously the fact that the kids think of me as weak is one thing, but it's lovely to know that the rest of my department thinks I am a bit rubbish too.
Hmmm, so maybe this is why I don't feel well, my body is wimping out of having to face more of the music tomorrow.
Berts, really, now I don't remember the conversation at all. I'm glad I was nice, but my memory is clearly shot to pieces - maybe it is taking the assault intended for my liver?
Anyway, in funnier news, I am stealing this from Ginger's drunken FB note cos it's just that funny!
Ahhhh everyone loves a good school anecdote. Well, not when I'm drunk and ranting about them, but none-the-less, let's get some of them down for posterity.
Year 9 girl: "Miss, am I a sperm?"
Me: "Errrrr.....no".
Girl: "But, miss, Racquel said I was".
Hmmm.
Same girl: "Miss, where are you from?"
Me: "Birmingham".
Girl: "Oh, is that why you're so posh, then?"
If only she knew.
My favourite anecdote - everyone has probably heard it by now:
Year 11 science. Thursday afternoon. Have alreday been called a ginger bitch. Not feeling great about the lesson. Go to demo group 1 metals in water. Slightly over-enthuse with the sodium. Massive explosion; smoke fills the room, a loud bang is heard and sparks rain down on us all. A piece of paper is set on file. Many girls now screaming and hiding under tables saying that I'm trying to kill them. One student shows me her t-shirt; it is covered in little singe marks from the sparks. Thankfully, she thinks this is "cool".
Once girls have dismissed, have a little cry in the deputy head's office.
Oh holy Jesus.
Obviously, some children have no sense of what is acceptable:
"Miss, how is your sex life going?"
"Miss are you on your period, because you're in a really bad mood tooday".
Me being inappropriate when yr13 girl answers phone in the lesson:
(pointing at phone) "Oi, Debbie, can we have it off please?!"
My subsequent giggling kind of undermined the telling off.
Bizarreness:
(in the middle of a lesson when I am dissecting a pig's heart):
"Urgh miss it looks like a pussy."
Observing at a mixed school, also in Hackney:
yr 7 boy: "Oh miss, you're giving me a boner".
A lovely Turkish yr 9 girl is using her Turkish-English dictionary to help with her work - she is trying to describe an experiemnt where we looked at kitchen roll soaking up water and she is trying to describe this:
"The flaccid tissue will take up more water."
Poor girl had mis-translated "soft". Once I had figured this out I explained that flaccid was probably not the best word to use. Bless her. Struggled to keep a straight face.
