Just to hammer the point home (and also because a strong cup of coffee + half a bottle of red wine + the joy of Spurs coming back from 4-1 are not really conducive to sleep...at least not for me) here's a hilarious Roger McGough poem from AS English. I found it in an article in the Daily Mail about how an 11 year old was traumatised after having to draw pictures based on the poem at school. Oh dear, even I wouldn't make children draw pictures of kids being slayed by their teacher. The poem, on the other hand, strikes a chord with me today...
The Lesson
Chaos ruled OK in the classroom
as bravely the teacher walked in
the hooligans ignored him
hid voice was lost in the din
"The theme for today is violence
and homework will be set
I'm going to teach you a lesson
one that you'll never forget"
He picked on a boy who was shouting
and throttled him then and there
then garroted the girl behind him
(the one with grotty hair)
Then sword in hand he hacked his way
between the chattering rows
"First come, first severed" he declared
"fingers, feet or toes"
He threw the sword at a latecomer
it struck with deadly aim
then pulling out a shotgun
he continued with his game
The first blast cleared the back row
(where those who skive hang out)
they collapsed like rubber dinghies
when the plug's pulled out
"Please may I leave the room sir?"
a trembling vandal enquired
"Of course you may" said teacher
put the gun to his temple and fired
The Head popped a head round the doorway
to see why a din was being made
nodded understandingly
then tossed in a grenade
And when the ammo was well spent
with blood on every chair
Silence shuffled forward
with its hands up in the air
The teacher surveyed the carnage
the dying and the dead
He waggled a finger severely
"Now let that be a lesson" he said
