Good stuff staff

I played my trumpet today for the first time in ages. It was great! Toot toot toot, heehee!

Our very proactive-enthusiastic-gungho staff have been piling on the extra-curriculars, so alongside drinking with them, and moaning about school with them, and maybe doing a bit of teaching with them, I've been playing indoor footie with them, and started up a bit of a band with them too. Hurrah!

Despite my inability to "visualise" the tune (apparently "Downtown" is a well known song...hmmm.....) the first rehearsal was good fun and games. I think music kinda feels like exercise. Maybe that's why I like it.

In other staff related news, yesterday afternoon was the first positive tea, hosted by the MFL department. The basic idea is that every few weeks a different department will host a tea for the staff and talk a bit about themselves and the exciting work they've been doing. It's a really good way to get people together to share ideas and thoughts and generally bond us all (very important since there's still a bit of a split between the old comprehensive staff and the new academy staff). So another hurrah for the positive teas! Yum yum cakes and eclairs.

And finally, I helped break up a fight on my way to morning registration (it wasn't even 8:30am yet!) And I did a PE cover lesson. Some might say I'm almost a real teacher.

Two Good Days

Yes, I have had two good days in school. Surprising stuff.

Sure, there have been fights and staff politics and detentions and ICT problems and lost exercise books and kids bunking lessons and running around like a mad thing and constant attitude, but on the whole they've been good. Maybe I am just learning to cope better....?

Hmmm, no, scrap that. Coping is not entirely featuring prominently in my life at the moment. Well, I'm not not coping, but I feel kinda weird. Like I'm not really me. I've had this before but still don't really know what it is. Strange. Maybe I am a medical curiousity? Or maybe it's just the flu.

I have had a spectacularly little amount of sleep due to the continuing specialness that is insomnia, and I think this has led me to take everything in my stride. Possibly because I can't be bothered to let anything get to me. Kids quacking in my lessons, bitching about each other, shouting and swearing across the corridor, talking about illegal substances etc. - all have been subtly ignored. As one of the PE staff said to me today, I am a machine.

But even machines occassionally malfunction. I think it may be time to take that first ever sick day!

Before you start thinking I'm being a nutter, don't worry, I'm pretty much fine, just a lot in my head. Clearly more in my head than Nelly Furtado....check out these lyrics from "Say It Right":

In the day

In the night
Say it right
Say it all
You either got it
Or you don't
You either stand or you fall

Ruuuubbbbbbish. How am I not earning more than her?! That said, "Give It To Me" (Timbalanda feat. Nelly Furtado and Justin Timberlake) is wicked, diss chat and great beats.

And also, thank you Jade for putting up with my ridiculous questionning about musical theory...it's starting to make sense!

I'll leave you with this from a comment from another blog: "If you don't know who you are, a classroom, like a boxing ring, is a painful place to find out." Deep.

Other Blogs

If you're reading this at work and looking for more distractions, these blogs were nominated for some kinda Metro award and so should technically be quite good.

Random Acts of Reality - about an ambulance worker in London. Pretty deep stuff sometimes, and other times just the life of a normal bloke.

ScaryDuck - this looks like funny ramblings to me, excellent. In particular, read Friday 23rd's post on advice for school kids...essentially "don't puke in your shoes". Good advice for all I think.

And for the common-or-garden political economists out there

Evanomics - a BBC blog by economist Evan Davis, who attempts to make sense of the world using economics. Good luck with that one.

I HATE LESSON PLANNING.

Le Weekend

It's Sunday and I am my usual Sunday-self i.e. busy distracting myself from lesson planning. As an added bonus, I have slightly lost my voice and think I may have some weird eye lurgie. Yuck.

Aaaanyway, le weekend seems to be zooming by, but it's been a pretty good one, mainly because I have managed to distract myself from school worries for at least some of the time.

Went to Potato Potter's birthday/leaving drinks on Friday night at the lovely Alexandra public house in Clapham Common. A busy-but-not-too-busy place with nice and sleepy lighting, and only slightly extortionate pricing (well, I do compare everything to the Goose!)...well worth a visit. Met lots of Potato's nice friends, which gave me ample opportunity to practice my banter without consequence. Gotta love the banter. Clearly Potter will forever treasure her spontaneously created "bag of junk" and I hope she enjoyed the rest of her night. I wish her all the best in Paris and look forward to a Disney reunion over there soon...I need my fix of planning and list making!

Saturday was spent in Cambridge for OUWAFC varsity. Highlight of the footie season and exciting stuff all round. Sadly the Furies lost, but the Blues won 4-3 after penalities (0-0 even after extra-time) so congrats to them! The Furies game was dramatastic, with Oxford leading the Tabs 2-1 at half-time, but ultimately losing 4-3. Jonno pointed out that it's ridiculous the Tabs coulda scored 4 when that's more than they've got in the last two v-days put together. I think the 4-5-1 formation may have had a bit to do with that. Anyway, good drama bits:

• Furies opening the scoring from a shot in the box off a free-kick (I think...?)
• A spectacular vollied goal by the Furies
• The Tabs breaking away and scoring from a cross in the box
• A potentially equalising Tab goal being disallowed for off-side
• Oxford conceding a dubious penalty (and goal) for handball
• Two balls on the pitch during a Furies attack (when Jij tried to clear the imposter ball from the pitch, she managed to hit the real ball that Sprouse was running with, thus knocking them both off the pitch...really, what are the chances?!)
• A Henry-esque Jijeridoo finish
• A bit of a goal-keeping/defensive error leading to an awful Tab goal being conceded
• The Tabs fully exploiting the big space between midfield and defence and scoring, again through a cross in the box.

All in all a really good game to watch from a spectator's point of view, but commiserations to the Furies for that one. Still, they were definitely better at abusive chants and probably caused all kinds of destruction as revenge last night in poor Tabland. Heehee.

In other news, the building is going well and we now have a fully operational third bathroom, whoop! Also, my room is being rearranged soon, thus giving me more room, whoop again! My folks are currently busy moving things around and tidying, so I think hiding in my room is a really positive contribution. I swear I am living through adolescence now. Better late than never...

More than teaching

During the Summer Institute in Canterbury they taught us lots and lots of things. I can only remember about 50% of it all, and outta that 50%, I am still clueless about the relevance of a fair chunk. That's the weird thing about the TF program - whilst most other teacher training programs provide professional development and support as you go along, TF tends to chuck mountains of it at you in the summer when you have very little idea of what they are talking about. Or why they insist on doing it all so early in the morning.

One of the things they taught us about "professional values" was about where to draw the line between your pupils and yourself so that you remain in a position of authority. I also vaguely remember something about how to deal with matters that students tell you in confidence that probably require referral somewhere. But these things aren't instilled in me...those people who know me well know I like to "fix" things, regardless of any lines between teachers and pupils and how disasterous my attempts maybe.

Why am I rambling about this? Well, today, I was walking up the stairs to the maths deparment and T in Y8 was lurking there. I ask him where he's meant to be - he tells me he doesn't know. I offer to walk him to the office to figure it out. He eventually squeaks out the fact that he's been moved to a new French class but he doesn't wanna go in cos he's "rubbish at French". T has quite a few BESD issues (behavioural, emotional and social difficulties) but I manage to persuade him to go into his lesson by reasoning with him (as opposed to hollering at him). I am buoyed by this.

So later, I walk past the main school door and see that F in Y10 had walked out of another lesson. I don't know F too well, but well enough to check she is ok when she's out of class. We start talking and she tells me that if I was smart, I'd walk away. She's really upset, but I walk away. But as I'm walking I think this is wrong, she clearly wants someone to talk to, go back. So I go back. And she starts talking, about lots of things. Like how she had to leave her class cos otherwise she woulda hit someone, and she just wants to run away from school cos it's driving her mad. And how there's no point to school or to anything cos her life is just crap. This is past the point where I shoulda drawn this line and sent her to talk to someone else. But I don't.

She tells me her dad died when she was in Y7 and she's been in anger management and counselling for about three years and that she can't really deal with things on her own. She's been almost crying the whole time she's saying this and then her voice really cracks and she says she's screwed things up. I ask her how. And she says now that she is trying to be independent and make her own decisions, she keeps making the wrong ones.

And then she comes out to me.

Yes, despite my previously borderline psycho behaviour when it comes to dealing with this stuff, weirdly I remain a magnet for the gay world. Some of you will be proud, I didn't entirely freak out - I more felt really sorry for the kid cos she came out to the wrong "friends" and now it's spreading around Y10 and other kids are picking on her and calling her names and even threatening to bash her. The thing is, she's really bright, like one of the smartest kids in Y10, and plays on loads of sports teams and is a peer mentor and stuff like that. Lots of potential to really go far. Or get outta our ghetto at any rate.

So obviously I figure all this stuff she is telling me is something I should tell someone about. However, I don't remember exactly what they said in the summer about all this kinda stuff and what I'm meant to do. Naturally then, I jump in feet first and try and "fix" things by telling a gay teacher in the English department and also this girl's Head of Year (who, I subsequently find out is also gay...my gaydar is so non-existent). Anyway, I left them to sort it all out thinking my bit was done.

It was only later that I realised I'd more or less completely betrayed this kid's confidence and broken her trust, cos if she'd wanted to tell them all, she could have. I should have checked it was ok with her before rambling her business to the staffroom. Damn. I guess this is what they mean by on-the-job training...learning from your screw-ups has to address a QTS standard somewhere. And now it's hard to stop thinking about this...this is why teaching is about so much more than just teaching.

Nice words

Am once again remarkably busy, mainly doing things I shouldn't be doing.

If you want to be doing things you shouldn't doing on March 2nd, get in touch! That's not a proposition, before you get the wrong idea...well, not a proposition from me at any rate! It's a plug for our random singles event that we're hosting at Langley's in Cov G...yet another plan to put the love back in our lives!

Read these nice words from a fellow TFer describing her experiences in the Guardian Education section (yes, she gets the Guardian, I get this blog...)

Some of my own classes, on the other hand, had been passed on to me in boxes marked "highly flammable". My year 11s are like fireworks: full of energy, light and noise, usually set off by each other, but sometimes by poetry and by my questions to them. There is a fine balance, which I haven't yet found, between igniting excitement and discussion, and controlling the sparks that fly off in all directions.

Is that a simile? Hmm, I like the description anyway, it's almost spot on.

The To-Do List

Despite calling it a To-Do list, it's actually probably more accurately a To-Think-About list. Sure I have loads of things to do, but before I can do most of them, I have to think about them. It's the effort of thinking about them that makes me put off actually doing them. This is because it's against my nature to do things without thinking them through first. My life history shows that efforts at spontaneity have seldom had positive outcomes.

Basically I'm a very keen planner. Keen is an understatement...I love being prepared. Well, I used to love it, but slowly I am finding it harder and harder to make and stick to plans. So now it's all about being plan-free and just taking things as they come.

Today I didn't have a single lesson plan for what we did, and things worked alright (miraculously!) This new found confidence in free-styling is obviously reckless. As my Canterbury professional tutor tells me "if you fail to prepare, prepare to fail." Wise words.

So yes, this weekend I will aim to get back on the planning (both school and otherwise). Basically, I should add "do my to-do list" to my to-do list.

In other news, it took me 75 mins to do the usual 15 minute journey home. It was due to some major hold-up on the A406. Loooooads of cars at a stand-still, mostly with only one person in each of them. Car-pooling anyone? On the plus side, some smart people co-ordinated us driving the wrong way back up the slip road to escape the traffic. There were too many people doing illegal manoeuvres for the onlooking law-enforcers to do anything about it. Excellent, the power of the majority!


On the even more plus side we feasted on nutella and banana pancakes, yum!

How good do these look?

Day 101

Yep, that's correct, today was my 101st contact teaching day at the Academy. We're contracted to 195 contact days a year (aka teaching days; as opposed to training days) so yippee, we're over halfway. Although when you think that I've got 94 more days to go, well....no, mustn't wish my life away!

I was spreading this prime piece of knowledge around the staff today and M8 (I have decided to refer to the other maths teachers by their classroom codes) said it was strange that I count down days. I said it was something that I always did, and that this was a massive improvement since in my last job I used to count down hours, and, in extreme cases, minutes. She said that it was better to just take each day at school as just a day, rather than something to get through on the great quest to the summer break. I guess I kinda agree with her, but what is better and what is actually possible are different things.

This led us to an interesting discussion about teaching and how there was no point really counting down towards the break because teaching is always with us. I'm pretty good at "zoning out" my teaching world, although only when I am really concentrating on something else, or when I have no pressing reason to think about it e.g during the holidays. Other teachers, however, find that their lives are more or less consumed by teaching.

I guess If I'm honest, during the term I am pretty much consumed by school-life. Anyone who knows me pretty well will find I can, and will, ramble on about the wackiness of school for ages. I've only been back at school one day and already I am knackered and thinking about the millions of things I have to do with regards to school. Some of these millions of things are small, but still count as items on a seemingly never-ending to-do list. Aaaaargh, stressful....I hate having things to do!

Alongside all that one has to actually do as a teacher (physically and intellectually tiring things), M5 and M6 pointed out that teaching is emotionally exhausting too. There are very few other jobs where one goes in every day with a brave face ready to be confronted and challenged for 7 hours solid. Some of the behaviour really is challenging and wears you down. The problem is that you can't vent your feelings at school and so you end up storing it up and taking it out on someone or something else. Luckily for me I usually get rid of my stress at the gym, but they said that often they end up snapping at other people or are just too tired and stressed after school to want to do anything else (hence teaching taking over your life). M6 made the excellent point that teaching is completely manageable if everything else in your life is totally sorted and trouble free; a rare occurrence for most people.

In other news, I have a mouth ulcer and potential insomnia - my mind tends to wander when I'm in bed trying to sleep. That's kinda why I'm posting now, in the hope that writing down the words will stop my mind thinking them..although this could back-fire spectacularly since now the thoughts are fresh in my mind. I don't think the block of cheese I snacked on will help either...

PS Check out SB's blog for a really interesting debate on university tuition fees...
PPS JD the strategist eh? And there was me thinking you'd be something in security. I'm still looking for a Turk to match my Carla...

Personality Tests

As promised....

BBC Personality Test - I was a "supervisor".
Scrubs Personality Test 1 - I got Carla.
Scrubs Personality Test 2 - Again I got Carla.

I always get Carla despite answering the questions differently when repeating the quiz. Carla is clearly not a supervisor. I sense a flaw in the tests, perhaps because I am convinced the website can tell I am an ethnic female and so chooses Carla automatically.

BBC tests galore here on everything from perfectionism to adultery. So no need to do any work today folks!

The End of Half-Term

I am really rather amazed how quickly this week has gone. The dread (of having to go back to school) started on Friday and has stayed with me since. I can only hope this second half of term goes as quickly as the first. Not that I'm wishing my life away or anything...heehee, maybe just my teaching life.

Things I should have done but haven't:

1. Written my WA3 (comparing and contrasting SEN and EAL strategies)
2. Created my unit of work on multicultural maths
3. Done some planning
4. Marked my Y11 coursework
5. Sorted out my teaching file
6. Played around with ActivStudio so that my IWB was more interactive as opposed to just a glorified wall to write on
   
7. Thought about some internships
8. Played in two football matches for my team (rather than lying hungover and tired somewhere in London)
   
9. Recovered from the "plague"
10. Got some rest

Things I shouldn't have done but have:

1. Eaten and drunk enough to neutralise any effect from the gym
2. Spent about half a month's salary
3. Completely changed my sleeping pattern so that I am now almost nocturnal
4. Allowed the "plague" to permeate (the kids will sense my weakness)
5. Brainstormed (ok...fine...daydreamed) for about a day in total
6. Baked cakes and then devoured them
7. Danced like a fool (my calves just ache)
8. Laughed a lot ("nesting" anyone?)
9. Tried (and mosly failed) to matchmake anyone and everyone under the sun (watch this space though, I think there may be some success sooooooooon...)
10. Attempted to catch up on my reading by trying to read all five books that I'm midway through at once (this was silly...how many times have I been told to focus on one goal at a time?)
11. Somehow contracted amnesia thus sadly forgetting many many comedy events in my life

Well, my Head of Department did tell me to take a break from school work.

Happy half-term all those people who have this week off - I'm so jealous! Enjoy your week too to everyone else working away as normal! And wish me luck.

Ooooh, B said that Heroes starts this week on Sci-Fi, woohoo!

And finally, check out "How Not To Teach". See Mouche and Angie, I could be promoting your blogs if you ever updated them!

PS Gimmealift.com has actually had some quite positive feedback - shout out to Potter for her good ideas; congrats on the job and you know that one day we'll do it!

PPS Woohoo, come on you Spurs! Mwhahaha, Fulham, no more FA Cup for you!

Gimmealift.com

This is my other commuter idea. I am actually quite serious about this idea thus I am writing in black.

It came to me the other day when I was on my way to the gym. I drove past the bus stop at the end of my road and remembered how I used to wait there to get the bus to the station. Everyone waiting at that bus stop either wants to go to the station or to the town centre. Whenever I was waiting there I'd see car after car go by, and used to be fully convinced that over half of them would pass the station, and that at least one of them would think it'd be worth giving me a lift there if I paid them the bus fare (the journey from my bus stop to the station is about 5 mins, but takes over 15 minutes to walk). Anyway, this time I was the one in the car driving by, and I started contemplating whether anyone waiting at any of the bus stops I'd pass on the way was going anywhere along my route, and what it would take for me to give them a lift.

Later that day when I was having lunch with Ladun and debating the congestion charge, Ladun told me that outside of London most public transport is pretty rubbish and everyone drives everywhere. This again got me thinking about how many cars there were on the road, and how many people were going the same way as other people, and I started wondering whether it'd be possible to co-ordinate all these potential passengers and drivers, and what it would take to get a lift somewhere. To cut a looooong story short, I came up with gimmealift.com. I haven't actually got this website or anything yet - as always, I'm trapped in the idea phase. In fact, I haven't even pinned the idea properly down yet.

What I have done is a little bit of research. I typed in "organised hitch-hiking" into Google since I guess this is effectively what I'm proposing. It turns out that this is a long established practice in Germany, known as the Mitfahrzentrale (roughly translated as "the agency for shared rides"). True, this is over longer distances and booked more in advance, but it's kinda the same principle. People who want a ride somewhere give their request to one of the Mitfahrzentrale (there are quite a few agencies over there), who then match them up with one of the drivers who have said they are doing that journey. The agency takes a commission for setting up the match, the passenger gets a ride at a cheaper price than public transport, and the driver gets paid by the passenger for the lift (it's usually a certain number of euros per km, or the passenger splits the fuel cost or something like that). Similar schemes run in Belgium and across Europe too, some of which are for free (in that the agency doesn't take a cut, just matches up people).

The next commuter solution out there that I really loved is slugging. I think this only exists in America, and only this formally in Washington DC. Basically it's short-notice short-distance ride-sharing whereby drivers that want to drive in the faster "carpool" lanes pick up strangers (aka "slugs") so that they have enough people in their car to get into the carpool lane. This has become such a phenomenon that there are actual slug-lines where people queue to get their free lifts from strangers! Both parties win since the passenger gets his free ride and the driver gets his passenger so he can go in the faster carpool lane rather than sit in the traffic. Seriously, read through the link, its an amazing idea, I wish we could implement something similar here.

I guess what I'm thinking about is something in between slugging and the mitfahrzentrale. I'm trying to think of a way so that all the waiting commuters can get to their destinations just a little bit faster, while we make more efficient use of the cars that are out there. I guess I'm also thinking about more long distance journeys e.g. say if A needed a lift from London to Oxford on Monday and B was driving up then anyway, and A offered some money towards the fuel, would it be in B's interests to take A along?

My issues at the moment are: What are the actual logistics of a scheme like this (i.e. if it was going to be a spontaneous picking someone up at a bus stop type thing, how could the driver and passenger actually co-ordinate with each other)? Where's the incentive for people? What about safety? Could we make it more organised e.g. formal daily ride sharing by schools or companies?

I know it's a pretty vague idea at the moment, but I think it has business potential, and is good for the environment, and kinda socially enterprising too.

So, ideas/feedback? Could something like this work? And yes, we can change the name :)

The Arnolfini Portrait

Over breakfast I caught a snippet of a Channel 4 Learning show on drinking. It inspired me to stop pissing about and do some work today. So yes, a good start it seems.

After the drinking, there was a mini-program called National Gallery. Today's featured painting was The Arnolfini Potrait, Jan Van Eyck 1434. Here it is:


And some things that I've learnt about it:

1. The man in the picture was Giovanni di Nicolao Arnolfini, an Italian merchant living in what we now call Belgium.
2. He stands with his second wife, who is actually not pregnant, but instead wearing a full-skirted dress at the height of fashion. It was unlikely she ever had children.
3. They are very rich - clues include real fur trimmed clothes, a pretty dog, ornate surroundings, and oranges (rare and thus expensive).
4. Most interestingly, alongside the rear reflection of the couple, the mirror in the background also shows a vague reflection of another couple in the room. Is one of these people Mr Van Eyck? Further, the dog is not reflected...poor doggy.
5. And finally, the work is inscribed: "Johannes de eyck fuit hic". A website translates this Latin as "Jan Van Eyck was here". Good graffiti.

Here's a finger puppet version of the same picture, heehee:


You'll be pleased to know that I am busy researching my other commuter idea (I've made a brainstorm and everything!) so will be back here later with an update after I finish these boooooring old lesson plans....

Commuter Cupid

Happy Valentine's Day! I hope you've had a good one.

Strolling around London, I noted that it was indeed full of love. Very nice. I received the obligatory sweets and note from my folks, and a comedy message from a mate to "a beautiful sweaty Asian"...mmm romantic, heehee.

Decided to focus my entrepreneurial energies on love. Came up with The Love Train. Essentially speed-dating on the Tube, set-up in the style of those random silent flash mob discos (which, despite continually getting told about, I'm yet to attend, although they sound wicked. As an aside, that funkypancake blog is ace!) So, for example, the message would be spread that the last carriage of the eastbound Central line train on departing from Ealing Broadway at 17:57 on Tuesday would be a Love Train, where single commuters could congregate and ease their lonely hearts. Think about it, commuters spend aaages on the trains each day, and there are actually quite a lot of quite fit people on it, so why not spread a little love? It would also be particularly funny for the random tourists that get on that carriage and are subsequently approached by genuine Love Train passengers, heehee. Jade went one step further and told me I could hire a whole Circle line train and have dates going on all carriages for a whole evening, with people just popping on and off as they saw fit. I like the idea of being a Commuter Cupid.

Had lunch with Ladun, who's on her way to America/St Lucia for the next three months. Was lovely to see her; she's one of the few people who can persistently and consistently challenge me intellectually, which I like. I look forward to her changing the world one day. The restaurant we went to made me cross. The bill was £47.20, which included a £5.25 service charge! How ridiculous, considering the place was practically empty and the food/service wasn't great. Boo! The place is called Carthage - don't go there! On the plus side, along with numerous debates about all kinds of political issues, I told her about my other idea of the day to do with transport, which she quite liked. I like it too, but will save it for tomorrow in case it's a dry day on the ideas front. If you need an idea fix, check this out.

Mouchey Peas, why are you rambling on about herons and stalks? More fictional pets?

And finally, the crude joke, which I expect you to try and drop into polite conversation as soon as possible:

How do you know if your sister's on her period?
Your dad's cock tastes funny.

Eeeeewwww. Heehee.

Ramblings

It's Tuesday of half-term at 17:16. I am very tired. I blame the builders for banging all the time. I am not convinced they are even making anything. Humph.

I also blame the "plague" I currently kinda have. It must be from the school kids. More humph.

Anyway, enough grumbling and on to the rambling. Yesterday I spent a day as a housewife, doing such wonderful things as spend aaages in the sauna (without the weird lady, thankfully), do the shopping, have coffee, bake a cake, and play the piano. I decided that being a lady of leisure is really rather appealing and so spontaneously revised my life plan. It turned out it was good time to think about my life plan since when I was dropping my Mum off at her fitness class we had a lovely chat about how I really should start thinking about settling down. Hmmm. I'm not convinced my parents realise I am a cheeky little monkey trapped inside an Oxford graduate, who will not mature enough to "settle down" for a long time.

I had dinner with Ish and Clare last night and we slipped into an impromptu brainstorming session, as we are often prone to do. Even way back in the first year we were all plotting away on how to make our millions, certain we are meant to be entrepreneurs. This part of me hasn't really been dormant, but it's been reawakened recently. They are both convinced the future is India (and not China as commonly thought) so we spent lots of time thinking of serious, and not-so-serious, ideas to hit the jackpot. I told them about my "commuter blind date" idea; they thought it was a bit stalkerish, and there's obviously loads of reasons why it wouldn't work, but I do kinda like it. I think my mind is stuck on matchmaking. Anyway, we didn't really get anywhere, but it was great to think about that kinda stuff again, and so obviously I spontaneously changed my life plan again. I guess I shouldn't really call it a plan...more of a strategy.

So today I came up with two more ideas:

1. Compatibility advice for couples based on astrology - Asian families do this anyway, in that they check out the compatibility of birth charts when they are looking for potential engagements for their son/daughter. This fits the matchmaking bill.
2. A life-choice simulator - some really really complicated computer program type thing that would calculate all the outcomes for your life depending on the choices you made. Obviously this is completely impossible since you can never predict everything and there are far too many factors, but it'd be nice to see in advance what will happen because of your choices. Thinking about this now, it has significant connections with time-travelling devices. So might have to scrap that one.

You may be wondering what happened to the medicine plan...well, now I'm not entirely convinced it's for me, and I guess you have to be certain before you go into something like that. Also my littlest brother has jumped on this bandwagon too, and I refuse for all three of us to be doctors!

Right, that is the end of the rambling today...ooh except I heard a really crude funny joke yesterday. I probably shouldn't write it on here, but if you wanna hear it, let me know.

PS Continuing on the theme of junk with the Disney girls, check out FreeCycle. There're groups for each of the London boroughs and all over the world too. What a great idea! Mouche, I may have to give away your PoS...

Random things, but most importantly...

It's half-term! I am sitting here reading the papers and listening to X-FM in my pyjamas after a luxurious brunch in a completely empty house (bliss!....my folks have gone to a lunch, but not before our breakfast guests departed...who else has visitors before 11am on a Sunday?! A wonderful excuse to hide in my bed).

Hahahaha, I think I may be delirious from the knowledge that I don't have to go to school this week :) Either that or still drunk. I have become a glorious lightweight, and also a more responsible drinker i.e. no longer having to sink everything in sight. Well done me.

On the down side, I now have a bit of a cold. How annoying. I always get ill when I have a kinda slow down in life pace. Boo. Still, plenty of echinacea, vitamin C and zinc will boost me through. I think I got it from the weird lady in the sauna at the gym, who despite my clearly trying to relax (with my eyes shut and everything), insisted on attempting to make me talk to her. Some highlights of efforts to trap me in conversation included:

"what kind of fish do you eat?"
"are you worried about bird flu?"
"there's a court in Snaresbrook you know"
and, most alarmingly, "when are you coming here next?"

She creeps me out, and the fact that she is quite emaciated, has scary worm hair, and sunken eyes doesn't help. In future I won't be so polite, since clearly my downfall came from answering her questions, even if my answers were horribly blunt. Further, this will limit the chances of her committing ID fraud with all the random personal information she has gleaned from me. I think she's a witch.

In other news, I am still full from the gorgeous feast created by Noor last night. And also mightily impressed at Charlotte "Ginger" Rhead's ability to drink more than half a bottle of rum disguised as mojitos, and still be standing. Inspiring. Also inspired by Noor's beautiful house and woods to once again contemplate becoming motivated by material possessions. Luckily these thoughts were quashed by numerous debates about teaching and the marketing machine that is TF etc. I think this job has taken me over. Yeen, we missed you, but drank in your honour.

And finally, when it comes out, make sure you see Freedom Writers - I've heard it's a wonderful film, in the vein of Dangerous Minds, based on a true story about a super-teacher (Erin Gruwell, played by Hilary Swank) who changes the lives of the young monsters in her charge through a diary project. Something for all us TFs, I'm sure. Maybe we can get them to screen it for us for free?

PS Potter, congrats on finishing your exams!

Every other school in the borough....

...was closed today. Except for....that's right...you guessed it.....my school.

And why, you ask? Because we're an Academy and so we "put learning first".

Rubbbbish. Learning? What learning? The kids were absolutely off the wall. Particularly since right from the start of the day they were told they couldn't go outside because of health and safety issues. Surely this is against some kinda school rule or something?

Anyway, how can they expect kids to learn when they're practically being kept prisoner and there's lots of beautiful fun snow outside? If we'd let them out for 15 mins, most of them woulda got bored by then and got it outta their system. But no. So instead we have them bouncing off the walls inside school.

Glorified babysitting, that's what we did today. Except at least you can control babies.

Tomorrow will be worse:

1. Still no fixed classrooms so mayhem.
2, Black ice will form over night and so everywhere will be slippery and dangerous.
3. It's non-uniform day.
4. It's the last day before the break.
5. The fire alarm was set off twice today and no-one was caught (while the kids who set it off yesterday got off with "community service").

Aaaaaaargh! Fingers crossed lots of them stay home tomorrow. One more day, that's all I can say....

On the plus side, some comedy work below from my delightful little brother and his St John's buddies. Creative stuff. See, this is why the rest of the Tabs would "rather be at Oxford than at John's". Aaah to be a student again...

Things that probably wouldn't have happened if I'd worked in the City

Obviously there are trillions of things that could go on this list, so I'll keep it to events from the last three days that probably wouldn't have happened if I'd worked in an office:

1. I wouldn't have had to write a police witness statement.
2. I wouldn't have had to run two meeetings with two groups of "colleagues" simultaneously, one meeting of which I had no idea about (substitute "run meeting" with "teach lesson" and that'll make more sense).
3. I wouldn't hear profanities continually all day (including "f*ck off you f*cking c*nt" and "you f*cking Muslim" - two delightful highlights, neither of which were aimed at me, luckily, although I was told to "piss off" today).
4. I wouldn't have to deal with stroppy/sulky/hyper/whiney/smelly/dopey etc. colleagues.
5. I wouldn't have had to intervene in a fight, which led to me being shoved and all my books being dropped to the ground (ooooh, how dramatic, looking forward to absolutely nothing being done about these monsters).
6. I wouldn't have to change offices randomly all day every day because the whole office building is falling apart, with my "colleagues" using any excuse they can to avoid their meetings.
7. I wouldn't have to find random "colleagues" wandering the "office" and then having to baby-sit these colleagues alongside a whole other group of colleagues in the hall because there are no spare offices, when all the time I was meant to be in a PE meeting.
8. My colleagues wouldn't set off the fire alarm almost weekly so that we all have to evacuate the office and stand in the playground under the evil seagulls, who use us innocent people as target practice.
9. I wouldn't have to constantly battle with my colleagues over just about everything that needs to be done each day.
10. I wouldn't feel like I was working in a zoo.

Heehee, I can sense my analogies are getting mixed up so I will stop now. Essentially school has been tough these last few days; it's a general build-up of chaos and lack of management. I'm not too impressed, but still managing to keep going and fight my way through it. But right now it seems to me that the biggest problem in my school (and probably other Teach First schools) is behaviour, in that the kids just cannot behave appropriately and so learning is disrupted. I wonder if there'd be a straight-forward way to tackle such poor behaviour, especially since the causes of it are numerous...All I can think of at the moment is getting those "SuperNanny"/"Boot Camp" soldier people in. Cos at the moment, the kids rule that school. And they know it.

Thursday and Friday

I am experimenting with orange. I quite like it, although I think it'd be more ace against black.

Following Spurs' defeat on Weds, I taught a whole day on Thursday. Pretty exciting stuff in the afternoon. I was in with Y9 and the Head of Department comes up and asks me to go and get a member of SLT to remove a kid from his class. Given that usually we call our HoD to haul kids outta our class, I wondered who it was that he needed help removing. I duly summoned an SLT member and they got "RP" out the class. However instead of dealing with her themselves, they gave her to me to take back to the lesson I was in. Why? Because they were all busy sorting out a fight between Y8 and Y11 that had happened at lunchtime. Anyway, she obviously caused a fair bit of chaos there (telling the kid next to her to "f*ck off" and calling me a "bitch") before we had to kick her out too (handing her back to SLT in the PE block). The next day, I asked SLT why RP was in school anyway when she clearly wasn't suited to our school life. They said they couldn't kick her out until they'd done everything they could. How is that fair for all the other kids that have to put up with her?

Thursday night went to TF Diners' Club in Waterloo. This one was for entrepreneurs' so had lots of nice chatter with people who owned their own businesses and people who wanted to set up things etc. Wasn't quite as impressed or inspired as I usually am when watching Dragons' Den but one guy in particular (salesforce.com) really sold himself and his business and managed to fight his corner very well (yes, I had indeed had a few drinks and was feeling wonderfully argumentative!)

Hangover on Friday. What a shocking week for being knackered and drinking. Finally I remember why I decided way back in September that it would be smart to go to bed early and not drink on a school night. Obviously, then, Friday is also the day that the maths department is declared unsafe for use and so all our classes are in chaos. Y11 lesson 1 were actually pretty good - breakthrough on the percentages front, whoop! At lunchtime I catch kids climbing up the scaffolding. They run away so I spend a jolly time chasing and admonishing them. Y7 after lunch were meant to have a lesson on angles. Had planned a group work lesson with protractors. Foolishly let them chose their own groups and have to improvise without the interactive whiteboard. Some work hard, others cause hassle. Finally I crack and hurl detentions left, right and centre. Tiring lesson indeed, but mainly because the scaffolding kids stressed me out at lunchtime and I was still wired for Y7. I need to learn to detach.

After that I have to cover 7E during tutor period. I like all the year 7 forms, but 7E are always a hassle. Managed to struggle through a 20 minute discussion on the "pros and cons of teaching" (yep, I often use the kids to sort out my own dilemmas) while various kids fell off chairs, shouted at each other, shook their fizzy drinks cans and sulked in corners. Good stuff. Anyway, I told them they couldn't go home until the pros list was longer than the cons, and then they started focussing, but still, didn't need the hassle.

Finally then, after school "SC" in Y9 is effing and blinding by the office demanding her mobile back. She refuses to leave the premises for about an hour before the police are called and come to escort her off. She still won't leave so they put her in the van and take her to the station. I wonder if she'll get excluded for that? By that point of the day, I wanted nothing more than to just run away, but instead played a solid game of indoor 5-aside and then felt like a million dollars. It's all about the sport.

Glad it's the weekend. Bumped into Dan F from primary school today - am now even more convinced that your mates at 11 will still be some of the greatest people you know. Am now inspired once again, but will focus on not thinking about kids for the rest of the day. One week to half-term :)

Puj, Fruli-frenzy had to be cut short cos they ran out of Fruli! We switched to merlot though, bon. Looking forward to hearing about India!