Civil Service Day

Tuesdays are meant to be the most productive days for UK workers. Am I feeling productive today? Kinda. Am I channeling this productivity? Not exactly. I do have grand plans - completing my uni applications. These plans are not quite at an implementable level. I have completed one though, so half the battle....most of that was already done though.

Reasons I am not working:

• I lost a scrabble game by 11 points, when it was in the bag until an entirely unforced error. Boo.
• Spurs lost last night. Again.
  
• I have a slight hangover.
• The lovely lovely staircase polisher man is singing along to Magic FM.
• I woke up at 5am and couldn't go back to sleep. This too wasn't that bad, meant I could daydream, giving me control of my screenplay rather than just having to accept whatever my mind chooses. Enough of that.
  
• I am still a bit high from yesterday and can't really be bothered to focus.

So, yesterday. It was the TF Government and Civil Service Sector Training Day. A really good day, learnt a lot about the Civil Service, how the Government is structured, how policy is implemented, the various roles civil servants can take on, the opportunities presented by the Fast Stream, a snapshot into the life of an MP etc. Very informative. Two highlights: visiting the House of Commons, and being taken on a whistle-stop tour of Whitehall while being simultaneously taught about the structure of our political system by lovely Irish Steve.


I didn't know that members of the public can actually sit in on parliamentary debates, but we can, you just have to request a ticket for the Public Gallery from your MP. You can find out who your MP is using theyworkforyou and then email your MP using links from the site. My MP was super efficient (a reason to vote Tory?) and got me a great seat.

We watched questions to Des Browne, Secretary of State for Defence, which was really good and detailed. The department under question gets questions submitted to them 5 days beforehand, and then they have to prepare all the answers. It's good to know that other MPs are questioning the actions of various departments, and also that there's a bit of checking and balancing going on even within the Labour party. I was a bit shocked at how the MPs behaved around each other, lots of heckling and cutting each other down etc. but the Speaker was a good referee and kept them under control (kinda reminded me of dealing with a rather enthusiastic class!)

Anyway this was all exciting enough, but then at about 3:20pm loads of MPs started coming into the Commons and we were all trying to figure out why. Then the big-shots came in too - Cameron and Brown. Mr Brown delivered his speech on the EU Treaty hot off the press, was really cool. Annoyingly we had to leave before it got super juicy, but it was pretty awesome to watch the whole thing and also see the Prime Minister and Charles Kennedy and Ian Duncan-Smith and others too live in action. I wanted to say live in concert there, heehee.

The crazy tour made me a laugh, mainly because Steve doesn't know I did politics at university, and also because I am shocked at how little I remembered from first year...clearly the years of drinking have knocked me out. Bless him though, he answered all kinds of questions and even dealt with my endless comparisons of our government being a large football squad and the Cabinet being the first XI. So despite being really rather hyper all day yesterday, I was on good form and it was educational.

Still a bit gutted that Spurs lost last night, but on the plus side I had a lovely evening with Mouche, with lots of walking and drinking and laughing about silly things. London at night by the river is SICK. It was strange, we were walking through these side roads in the cold cold back to the tube station and Westminster was just silent, it was like being in some village somewhere, very nice. I think the coldness helped keep me sensible, I am proud.


Right I'm going to have a nap to prep for some squash later this afternoon. Rouse, a shout-out to you, I am still laughing at you today, you're hilarious! Maybe I will dream of you and cakes...

Sunday Funday

It's Sunday night. Am I lesson planning? Errrr NO! Hahaha, it's half-term, I don't have to! Enjoying these days off so much is probably going to come back and bite me seriously hard in the ass, but oh well.

I am feeling pretty damn good, I think it's something to do with a quality gym session, gorgeous olive ciabbatta, good coffee and chocolates, Sunday papers, wearing jogging bottoms all day, many other things too.

Perhaps it also has something to do with not being hungover. A typical holiday will usually start with a lash, but I have managed to keep it respectable. This is despite losing the rugby last night, oh dear, sad stuff. Commiserations also to Lewis Hamilton, what a shame there, although as my father pointed out, F1 isn't a proper sport and seriously damages the environment for no good reason, so maybe I don't feel as bad there.

Anyway, I sense this jolly mood may soon be diminished as even though I have good intentions for a relaxing week, these intentions will not be realised. I'm a bit too busy for my own good, with drinking opportunities aplenty. Further to that, I have decided it will be good to plan an entire half-term's worth of lessons (that's almost 150 hours of teaching!), catch up all my marking, AND complete and submit my university applications. Not to mention tomorrow is completely taken up with the Civil Service Sector day. I think the week will go before I know it. Doesn't matter though, after such a lovely chilled day today doing all the things I like on a Sunday, a little bit of hard work won't hurt.

And finally, I am convinced Matthew Tait and Daniel Radcliffe are long lost brothers...what do you reckon?

Happy Half-term

It's half-term! There's no better feeling than knowing you have a glorious week of lie-ins and time to spend as you choose.

Right now I have been up for about an hour, am sitting in my pyjamas, catching up on emails and phone calls. Usually on a holiday I tend to go a bit mad i.e. party a bit too hardy almost every night of the week and then return to school not quite rested. This time I am going for the calmer and more mature option, taking it easy :) Aaaah it'll be grand.



I just found this picture and quite liked it. Hasn't got much to do with the next paragraph but anyway.

Refereed a football match yesterday after school, completely impromptu, did it in my work clothes and borrowed trainers, how unprofessional! The game was our staff vs the staff from Warwick School for Boys (another local comp). Hilarious game, loads of the kids were there supporting, and the staff put in a really good show, lots of comedy football and silliness, a nice game indeed. We won 3-1, made a coupla dodgy decisions, but it went pretty well, really enjoyed it. Maybe I should get myself back into refereeing? Actually, no chance, like there's any time for that this season.

Speaking of seasons, have entered my fantasy team into our school's league in the Schools Fantasy League, a lovely idea whereby kids, teachers and parents from across the UK set up fantasy leagues and compete within and between schools. For teachers there are supposedly lots of associated resources, particularly for maths, citizenship, business and IT. Am yet to find these but anyway. Very cocky about my team, already told all the kids in my tutor group that I will beat their teams. Those of you who have seen my past fantasy footie performance will realise I am all talk and no points, heehee. Still, The Magic Numbers aren't too bad a side, we will definitely not sink this weekend.

Well, time to get on with the day, i.e. piss about and then enjoy the rugby :) Happy half-term!

Keeping Safe + Teenage Teachers

Two hilarious things to talk about, after another fun day in school :)

Caution, the following post contains graphic language and content. If, like some of my kids, your parents don't want you to learn about this stuff, you need a note in your diary.


Lesson 1 today, PSHE with my tutor group. The hot topic of the day, oh yes, "keeping safe - contraception". Cue the entrance of a shiny sleek rubber willy, a HUGE tub of lube, and four condoms, all in a cardboard box. The kids were pretty hyped up, it was great! Personally, am disappointed with the willy, I think it was only 6 inches or so. Just read that again, obviously I don't mean personally disappointed, stop your dirty mind.


We spend the first 20 minutes getting over the giggles and trying to match up pictures of contraception with their names. I struggle to differentiate between a "cervical cap" and a diaphragm. One of the girls is rather more clued-up than I thought, and helps out here. The kids cringe at my description of an IUD as similar to a "fishing hook". The picture of a condom is weirdly rectangular. We debate the distinction between the contraceptive pill and the morning after pill. D chips in with "Viagra Miss, that's the pill isn't it?" I laugh, despite trying to take the topic seriously. Here begins a lengthy discussion on erectile dysfunction, during which many of the kids laugh at the idea of old people having sex. Bless their young socks.

Later in the lesson one of the girls points out that all the contraception seems to be geared towards women. This leads to a big boy-bashing session, with a number of girls claiming that boys are just after one thing and that the girls are the ones left to deal with the consequences. The boys respond with the idea that girls try and tie them down too early, and that why shouldn't they jump at the chance of sex if they get offered it? It's funny and serious at the same time. It's strange because on the one hand there are kids who are all "Miss, why do we have to learn this, we're not gonna have sex any time soon" and on the other hand there are the kids who say things like "it's ok to give head, you can't catch anything and it makes you a good girlfriend". Not just strange, a bit worrying too.

The last part of the lesson made me laugh again. I was showing them this PowerPoint on contraception that I hadn't looked through yet. Slides 3 and 4 were about myths to do with contraception and sex, including such gems as "you can't get pregnant if you have sex on a boat" and "you can't get pregnant if you're underage". Thankfully the kids laughed at the ridiculousness of all these myths, saying that people must be stupid if they believed those things. However there were some raised eyebrows when I said that you COULD get pregnant even if you were on your period, and also even if he pulls out early.

It was actually a really good lesson, clearly if the kids care about the topic they will learn more, and learn better. Part 2 of this topic after half-term.

The other funny thing was this BBC3 programme called Leave Us Kids Alone. Basically over the summer twelve 17/18 year-olds were given control of a school and a class of 30 Year 8s to teach. The idea was that all these teenagers would have an opportunity to implement all their visions of a perfect school. In truth, many of them realised how hard it was to teach and run a school. I couldn't help but smirk when the rather weak "headteacher", Sam, struggled to get the kids to listen to him in assembly. Similarly when the jokey banter of "drama teacher", Liam, got him into all kinds of trouble with behaviour. It's so true, you need to play act all day at being a big serious adult, else the kids won't take you seriously. That's not to say that you can't be fun, but they need to see the serious side first. Anyway, the school failed its inspection, the headteacher quit, and a new head was appointed. Am interested to see what happens next in the school, and also the story of the dyslexic acting head chef, who felt that school let her down, and now wants to prove her worth in the classroom.

One day to go. Whoop!

A good Wednesday

I've always liked Wednesdays. I think it stems back to school days, halfway through the week + activities afternoons.

I had a really good day at school today. Yesterday was a little bit hectic, it always is after a day away. Lots of my kids were giving up on their work, putting heads on the desk, behaving badly, rude etc. But today it was much better, maybe because I was more in control and positive about things. This was despite getting out of the wrong side of bed, and wasting ten minutes in the morning trying to locate my wristwatch, how scatty! Speaking of scatty, can you believe I left my book Drinking Coffee Elsewhere on the plane? I am so annoyed, partly cos I love the book, and partly cos it's a library book and I'd hate for them to suspend my account.

So the good things today:

1. Completely took control of my Y10s, didn't let them get away with anything, so we learnt a lot
2. Successful assembly mission - you know how much assembly stresses me out, but today's KS3 assembly was great and the kids were all so good
3. Taught my Y9 compass constructions (perpendicular and angle bisectors) - very tricky topic but they all completed it, am really pleased :)
4. No fights on my break duty :)
5. My Y7s and Y8s girls football team drew their first match last night, and they were all so sporting and good natured and team spirited that I'm still really high off it
6. One of my tutor group shoved an LSA today and stormed out of school, but we managed not to freak out too much. Although she will be dealt with tomorrow.

I think the biggest good thing today was having a meeting with our Principal. I don't know where I stand on the whole "is she any good"? debate, but she was certainly awesomely supportive today. I approached her for a reference for university applications and she was really positive, which was good. But then she started confusing me, talking about doing an Educational MBA through our academy sponsors, and about how I could get on the leadership fast-track and she'd support applications and stuff, and that I should consider staying on in school. And after a day like today, even with having to mark two sets of 30 books, I feel really good, like I've done something worthwhile and it's been fun. But then sometimes I'm cynical, maybe she was just buttering me up for something, and is just after cheap non-political labour? But then on the other hand, I think I appreciate the recognition, and I think I want to stay in education long term, so hmmm....

Got me thinking anyway. Am excited about tomorrow too, we are restarting our trumpet quartet :) Am just as excited about tonight too, an early night, yay! Well, after marking all these books. I'm not even going to let England's loss to Russia get to me.

I am such a yo-yo.

Trip to Lourdes

I spent the weekend in Lourdes. I'm not Catholic, I'm Hindu, but we're very liberal. My mother has always wanted to go, mainly because of the concept of salvation through a mother figure, and also because Lourdes is one of those special places to which we need to go.


The story behind the whole place is really out there. I like it. I like the idea of visions and miracles and blessings and hope. The many sanctuaries are all beautiful and there is a glorious sense of redemption in the air. It's true what they say - people of all sizes and colours and ages and shapes stand side by side. I was surprised at the number of Tamil people; everywhere we turned there was another family approaching us. You know my mother, she loves a good chinwag, so by the end of the weekend she had quite the following.


I spent a lot of time in nice quiet reflection in various chapels. The Rosary Way in the Sanctuary helped pilgrims reflect and pray with its empathic depictions of the Mysteries. We joined in on the night-time procession on Saturday - an hour of slowly stepping around the Domain holding candles and praying. Thousands of people take part, it's an awesome act of collective worship. We visited the cave site where St Bernadette had her apparitions of Mary. We also collected holy spring water from the Grotto and bathed in Lourdes water. This was particularly moving, the nuns were all so kind and calm, it made it easy to believe. There were so many people there who had come to help others, and so many who had come to be healed, it made me feel blessed for all that I had. And also I feel like I have a new start. I know it sounds like I am listing activities that we completed, but I can't adequately describe the sense of contentment I still have within me now. I wish that people could be the way they are in Lourdes everywhere.


Aside from the religious aspect, we also did some touristy stuff. We took the venicular train up the Pic du Jer (one of the foothills of the Pyrenees), which was beautiful, clean and fresh. Hilariously, on our little carriage was a group of crazy old French tourists. There were about ten of them and three played accordions. All the way up they sang fun songs, and then when we reached the top, we formed a big circle and learned French folk dances from them. It was so surreal, but liberating too, twirling around with old people on the top of a mountain, it was ace! We also did our dues to the local souvenir shopkeepers by purchasing all kinds of tourist paraphernalia, and enjoyed some good rugby :)

I had a really good weekend, despite not being too well, and I put it all down to the aura of Lourdes. Try and go if you can, the spirituality is overwhelming.

Writing the personal statement

I've now spent over three hours trying to write a personal statement. It is still decidedly mediocre. And incomplete. My concentration is shot.

Some distractions I have indulged in:

• dancing to the Funky House Sessions (both discs...that's over two hours of music)
• opening and shutting the windows in my room to obtain the optimum climate (cos that's what's holding me back)
• painting my toenails
• thinking about packing for the weekend (but not actually packing)
• drinking cheeky beers with my bro (his idea, but really, it's not helped)

It wasn't good when I checked out a graduate site for tips and it said that many people write 10 or 12 drafts of their statement of purpose, and over something like 2 months. I have until 4am.

It's not a good time to have to do this. It turns out that I am not a fan of drama any more. I wish I had a crystal ball. And a time machine. Then maybe I'd be better at all this.

Expect an update in about 6 hours time i.e. when we leave for the weekend.

Update 23:47: I'm done. Got into the flow of it and it's done :) First draft obviously, but still. Packing can wait till the morning. Will ramble again on Monday, enjoy your weekend!

The Day Off

We've had the day off school for Eid-Ul-Fitr. How have I spent it? Oh that's right. Hungover. Productive.

I have so many books to mark. In fact I'm so behind that I haven't set homework for two of my groups so that I could try and catch up. I also have soooo much to do for my uni applications. But no. The hangover must take precedent.

So let me give the hangover the attention it craves. It's a red wine hangover, mixed with unacceptable nicotine inhalation...the most potent of them all. I went to the gym to try and combat it, but even when sitting in the sauna after a hard workout, the faint aroma of shiraz and smokes lingered. And then when I got back home I managed to drop my car keys down the back of the shoe rack in the porch, thus I was trapped and the day was written off.

I knew I was going to get hammered after the rather effort-inducing Thursday. My Y10s decided to flip again, so I had to shout at lots of them. Even S, who is naughty naughty and has an awful home life, but I have made him one of my special stars, and he knows it. That's why it gets to me when he behaves poorly; it's like he's testing me all over again. I taught a great lesson with my Y9s on tessellations that I'd made at lunchtime while my detainees looked on. I drew lots of shapes and then photocopied them onto card and the kids spent the afternoon cutting out the shapes and tessellating them and colouring in the patterns. It was fun but hard work.

But then after school I had parents in, and there was Year 8 detention going on the next room, and the kids were just mad, like shouting and screaming and stuff. One kid in particular, she was just a nutter. Her twin sister is already on the way to an exclusion, and now I guess she wants some of the action. She called a cleaner stupid when she was in the detention, and then started shouting and swearing at her Head of Year when told off about it. While the Head of Year took her away to some senior management person, I was left with the detention kids.

One of them threatened to throw another out the window. The boy in the room was rocking on his chair and moaning at the window. Another girl was banging her head on the table and then rocking the table back and forth. I tell you, it was like the Breakfast Club but with proper freaks. I was counting the minutes to get outta the place, and head to the TF event. Needless to say the event was pretty good and the free canapes and drinks were even better.

Which brings me to now. I'm away this weekend so I have to pick up the pace and get this stuff done. Sorry hangover, time to move on.

Open Evening

Open Evening has come and gone for 2007. Three hundred minutes of intensive "showing and selling". As our principal says, open evening is our "bread and butter". As such, bums on seats is vital.

Over six hundred people visited our little Academy this evening, a huge number. The visitors came in all shapes and sizes: from the Somalian family of 9 people, to the strange same sex couple with a little baby (strange because one woman had very short arms whilst the other made barking type noises), to the decidedly middle class family who wanted little Oliver to spend time in the ghetto to prove they really were left wing.

I spent thousands of words promoting the maths department, the exam results, the new building, the facilities, the resources, the workshops, the extra-curriculars, the pastoral side....the opportunities. It's strange how an evening like this can on the one hand fill you with pride at how much you genuinely care about the school and its kids, and on the other make you feel so cynical about the power of marketing and the way that people rejected us in the past and now that we have all this money they come back running.

The thing that really stood out for me today was our kids. They were just awesome. From little A and D in my Y7 top maths group, both of whom were absolute stars, all the way up to T from Vietnam in my Y12 sociology group, the kids were just awesome. Really did us proud with how they were and who they were. A number of parents remarked on how happy and confident the children were, and it's testament to their own dedication that so many of them came along to help out. A nice warm glow from that.

I guess we'll hear all about the success of the evening in briefing tomorrow. And while it was lovely to wander around the school and see all the exciting things going on, the true test will be whether we finally have a full year 7 in 2008. My money's on over-subscription. Judging by what some of the parents were telling me, it seems many are now desperate to get their kids in, so maybe the dream of a full year will finally come true. But will these new kids get what they deserve?

In other news I have a lurgy and spent Tuesday in bed. This sounds fun, but despite the perfectness of my bed, the lurgy is not a good companion. Lots of wild things happened in school in my absence, particularly my Y10s going a bit mad, and also my tutor group. Crazy "H" has been excluded again, this time for threatening a teacher with a bamboo stick, amongst various other interesting activities. I have a meeting to sort out references for next year. And tomorrow night we have a TF event, and since it's Eid on Friday, we have no school, yay! One day to get through, with a meeting with scary parents at the end of the day of which to look forward. Roll on drinks tomorrow (yeah clearly it will help with the lurgy!)

Dazey Day

I am hibernating. By that I mean I am wearing lots of clothes and hiding in my bed. This is nice.

I didn't bring any books home to mark today. I didn't really feel like it.

It's time for a week off the drink, I think the cumulative hangover is causing my melancholy. Perhaps also the horrendous nightmare I had last night that woke me at half four and stopped me going back to bed. Going to school on 3 hours sleep is just silly. Nevertheless, I am pleased I can push myself through it. Although "it" went by in a daze to be honest. A daze of dropping things, amongst which include my phone from the first floor landing to the ground floor; a knife from the kitchen drawer to almost my toes; a colleague's cafetiere (yes, the glass broke).

Apart from the almost dream-like wanderings of the day, I have spent a good amount feeling slightly restless, as if I am killing time until something, but I don't know what that is. Strangely I sat in my classroom alone at lunchtime, despite deciding I wasn't going to do any work today. That was definitely killing time, but then went it came round to lesson 5, I didn't really want to do that either. Apathy. Boo.

On the marginally more alert side, just played three of my scrabulous games and got some good stuff down. My words: jar (30); talented (60); dominate (90). A touch of arrogance perhaps? I am particularly enjoying the roundness of those scores, and the way they are multiples of 30.

I'm going to bed now, I think it's best. I don't want to join the legions of staff off sick at the moment.

Sunday Night

Well, it's late on Sunday night, and I'm asking myself why? Why on earth have I let this happen again? Surely I would have learned by now that yes indeedy, I'm tired, I need a rest. But no, I keep on going. Can you believe it was a mere 11 hours ago that I was just making my way back into the house from Oxford last night, and now I am already hungover again? Time for a rethink.

Last night was pretty damn awesome...forget what I said about giving up on the Disney love - they're all just too funny, I can't get enough! Bertie too, and Michael, and Bertie's brother...all lovely :) Tonight dinner at Bel's was also fantastic, a hilarious crowd with some entertaining characters of dubious sexual orientation and, further, impressive keyboard skills. Despite the water having been cut-off to their place, the food was tastalicious and the banter was good and solid.

In other news I am trying to figure out the difference between sensual and sensuous. Also, how about this for a great description of a person - "a living anthology of mediocre sentiments". How much would you hate to be described like that? I am loving Notes on a Scandal by Zoe Heller. So much so that I might have to write notes on my own scandals...

And so to Monday.

Sleep Rambles

Absolutely cream-crackered and it's only quarter to four. My sleep debt must be on a par with what some random small country owes the UK government. I think that sentence would have been better if I had some numbers in it. 7483423908403. Numbers :)

Saw my TF coach on Thurs night. Did some deep bonding - he's remarkably easy to trust. He says its because he's completely away from the rest of my world so I can say whatever I want to him and there are no repercussions. I think I get where he's coming from. Anyway, he told me to pull my socks up and stop making excuses. He says everything can be controlled through a positive frame of mind, and that if I'm smart and capable then I should just go for everything I want to go for. So long as I believe I'm making the right decision and that everything is under my control, well, things will be grand.

Went nutso with my tutor group too, set them all hours and hours of detentions. Had parents in to complain on the Friday, that was fun. One of the boys had told his mother that he wanted to die because school was too hard. Oh dear. Felt pretty bad about the whole angry/negative thing I've got going with my group at the moment, need to be stricter but kinder too.

Had a lovely time last night, some squash and then some alcoholic squash (ok, fine, beer, but alcoholic squash woulda been good too). Am pretty sure I am about to cause all kinds of drama, but the anticipation of it is exhilarating. Deep breaths now, heehee.

Was told to check out this guy. I think I've seen him before, maybe on the telly or something. Anyway, here's one of them, hahaha....

Relaxing with Taxidermy

When their chihuahua got stuffed
they were really chuffed,
no need to feed her
or walkies on a lead her
no more poop to scoop
and doesn't she look smashing on the mantle piece?
She'll always look at the camera now.
I don't know why we bothered having her alive at all.

Hours of Marking!

Just finished marking my Y10 books. Took me almost two hours to get through the 23 books. Calculated that if I have to mark 5 sets of books each week, ranging between 20 and 30 books a set, and each lot takes me approx two hours, well, that's 10 hours and over 100 books being marked each week. 10 hours of marking! That's like a whole extra day of work, not to mention the time I spend on Sundays planning lessons. Gosh! And on top of that is my Y12 sociology group, who are admittedly only 7 students, but they write essays, which takes a good amount of time to assess.

Standard intensity of a school day. Highlights include a bit of a heart-to-heart with "Tall and Moody", reprimanding "Sweet but Annoying Blonde" for "simulating masturbation with a pen" in her maths lesson (yes, you read correctly, that's what it said on the incident report), and confessing my complete inability to deal with my tutor group and the corresponding imminent breakdown to my Head of Year and also the Head of now Y11. Good stuff. Am about to go have some hot chocolate and contemplate a life more ordinary. With less marking.

More Poetry

Just to hammer the point home (and also because a strong cup of coffee + half a bottle of red wine + the joy of Spurs coming back from 4-1 are not really conducive to sleep...at least not for me) here's a hilarious Roger McGough poem from AS English. I found it in an article in the Daily Mail about how an 11 year old was traumatised after having to draw pictures based on the poem at school. Oh dear, even I wouldn't make children draw pictures of kids being slayed by their teacher. The poem, on the other hand, strikes a chord with me today...

The Lesson
Chaos ruled OK in the classroom
as bravely the teacher walked in
the hooligans ignored him
hid voice was lost in the din

"The theme for today is violence
and homework will be set
I'm going to teach you a lesson
one that you'll never forget"

He picked on a boy who was shouting
and throttled him then and there
then garroted the girl behind him
(the one with grotty hair)

Then sword in hand he hacked his way
between the chattering rows
"First come, first severed" he declared
"fingers, feet or toes"

He threw the sword at a latecomer
it struck with deadly aim
then pulling out a shotgun
he continued with his game

The first blast cleared the back row
(where those who skive hang out)
they collapsed like rubber dinghies
when the plug's pulled out

"Please may I leave the room sir?"
a trembling vandal enquired
"Of course you may" said teacher
put the gun to his temple and fired

The Head popped a head round the doorway
to see why a din was being made
nodded understandingly
then tossed in a grenade

And when the ammo was well spent
with blood on every chair
Silence shuffled forward
with its hands up in the air

The teacher surveyed the carnage
the dying and the dead
He waggled a finger severely
"Now let that be a lesson" he said

Poetry

I completely forgot about it being National Poetry Day this Thursday. We're having a poetry themed week all week, nice stuff. The KS3 assembly, despite being a stress-fest, was on poetry, and thoroughly enjoyable. I loved this poem...

The Sunlight on the Garden
The sunlight on the garden
Hardens and grows cold,
We cannot cage the minute
Within its nets of gold,
When all is told
We cannot beg for pardon.

Our freedom as free lances
Advances towards its end;
The earth compels, upon it
Sonnets and birds descend;
And soon, my friend,
We shall have no time for dances.

The sky was good for flying
Defying the church bells
And every evil iron
Siren and what it tells:
The earth compels,
We are dying, Egypt, dying

And not expecting pardon,
Hardened in heart anew,
But glad to have sat under
Thunder and rain with you,
And grateful too
For sunlight on the garden.

And, as a weird coincidence, the other day on the tube I loved this poem...

Snow
The room was suddenly rich and the great bay-window was
Spawning snow and pink roses against it
Soundlessly collateral and incompatible:
World is suddener than we fancy it.

World is crazier and more of it than we think,
Incorrigibly plural. I peel and portion
A tangerine and spit the pips and feel
The drunkenness of things being various.

And the fire flames with a bubbling sound for world
Is more spiteful and gay than one supposes -
On the tongue on the eyes on the ears in the palms of one's hands -
There is more than glass between the snow and the huge roses.

Same poet - Louis MacNeice. What are the chances? I think I may be a fan.

5th Week Blues

This is going to be a rant about school. Grrr it makes me so cross sometimes. I was going to try and be positive, but I have decided that it would be entirely unfeasible, and fictional even, to try and balance out each sore point with three good things (like we're supposed to balance discipline with praise i.e. 3 positive praises to every 1 telling off), so I will just rant.

I should have known it would be a tough day since I was nocturnal last night and thus bound to be a little wired. Further, my throat is so sore. In fact, it's been like this for ages...so much so that I can't even remember what my voice was like, only that I used to be able to sing much higher and clearer than I can now. Grumble. Anyway, hit the gym, this was good, I liked that, specially since I broke a time.

Arrived at school and my subject mentor informs me that I was in her dream last night. Apparently we were at a building site (maybe the school building site?) and she was watching me reverse my car into one of those JCB digger things. I crashed right into it and then got out and said "oh no I've done it again," while she looked on. I have decided to interpret it as her feeling she is unable to help me stop making the same avoidable mistakes.

Only taught 3 lessons today, and actually they weren't that bad. Was really impressed with my Y8s, where we did geometric constructions (finding perpendicular bisectors and angle bisectors using compasses and rulers) which is a level 6 topic, but they all go it. Y10s managed to work for 45 minutes, although then they started being idiots. Y7s were also great, lots of good work on function machines. Hmmm, so, having reflected on my teaching, I'm not that rubbish at it. I mean, the lessons went well and the kids learnt.

Oh yeah, I remember what made me cross. My sodding tutor group. They are just evil. It was assembly this afternoon, which is basically this huge stress. The kids just cannot cannot behave or be quiet or be orderly, and so I end up looking like a muppet cos my class is out of control. They are driving me up the wall - so so many incident reports, and they just won't listen to me. It's frustrating, I feel full of frustration, and it's exhausting. One of the girls called a boy a "fat c*nt" in assembly; another one is forging her reports; crazy H hit a girl in the corridor; Tall and Moody stormed in and out of the classroom slamming his bag hard against the desk. I'm lost. It's pretty stressful, although I saw two teachers really in tears today, so clearly the tough times are across the board. I was trying to think who I could go to to help me with them, but the new Head of Year doesn't have time, and there's no Head of KS3. My classroom and behaviour control is usually good, I don't know where I'm going wrong. Maybe a new seating plan would fix it...?

I tried calling some of the kids parents. It turns out that Tall and Moody is living in two different houses at the moment, and that school is the only stable thing in his life, so if he occasionally tantrums and storms and swears, well, it's surprising he's holding it together. Ended up counselling his mother a bit, so a bit of a dead-end there. "Blonde Attitude" is like a mini-version of her mother, who appeared to put the phone down on me, so again, no help. Gave up after these two, although I'd made two positive phone calls before the negative ones, so that was ok.

Oh some good news. My mother had the jewelery I bought for her on the weekend checked through and valued, and it's all good, and valued at a third more than I paid :) And we have a nice tasty bottle of red open. Not that drinking through is the answer.

I think it's just a case of 5th week blues. Roll on half-term.

Naughty naughty

I got home at 1pm today. That was not part of the plan. I think I am officially a filthy-dirty stop-out for the the second day in a row.

Before I start my reflections aka self-ranting on the weekend, just a helpful hint to anyone looking for educational content in this post - there will be none. Except perhaps ideas for a behaviour support plan for myself.

Thursday night - BITC presentation. Might have gone better if I'd actually looked at the presentation any time before 4 minutes to kick-off, but anyhoo. Am pleased with my blagging skills and feel that while the content of my chatter was a bit wayward, the banter kept it entertaining. Drinks after and then slightly tipsy book marking, a good look.

Friday night - Steve's 25th (can't believe people are turning 25!) party at The Loop. This place is a vortex for me, there is just no way I can control myself in there. Not sure the Canadian Club helped. Had a good time with the Curly-Haired one, he makes me laugh. One of the many people I am confusing this weekend, excellent, clearly messing people around is a forte. Needless to say I am not following up on that.

Saturday, absolutely knackered and hungover. Spent most of the day swanning around. Managed to do my ironing and make a "student of the week" poster.

Saturday night - Krazy's birthday at his Notting Hill pad, very nice. Despite best intentions to get there early and get home early, the cheeky glass of wine with a matey beforehand warmed me up nicely and I decided instead to go on the rampage. Luckily Sanju was there to help me feel like my general poor behaviour was not as juvenile/ridiculous as it obviously was. She is such a role model, hahaha. Got on swimmingly with Krazy's sister, told her I was going to marry her little bro (news to her and to Krazy!), and then proceeded to flirt outrageously with her husband's brother. He was tri-lingual, you know I love words and he has three times as many, how could I resist? Before we got too friendly I figured it'd be a good idea to check on Sanju, given that we'd lost her about 2 hours earlier. Found her asleep in a room, and decided I should take a cheeky nap too, since it was probably bad form to fall asleep on the boy. Woke up in a minor panic at about 6am, when I realised the bedroom had got mighty cosy with two more entrants, and also that I was wearing someone else's top. Denial was the only option, just shut my eyes and went back to sleep. Still can't remember much of the night, except that I know I had a dance-off, that I got cross with some boys about something, that Sanju wouldn't let me go to the loo by myself (not because I was incapable, but because she was being a weirdo), and that Krazy called his maid at about 9 in the morning to come and fix the disaster zone (that made me laugh, he is so pampered!)

Sanju and I had a nice brunch in Notting Hill, was delicious, particularly because there was no way any of my kids would walk past and shout "Miiiiisssss!!!" through the door. Then we went to Portobello market, accidentally spent too much money, oh well. Right I am bored of this now. I am going back to bed to reflect on my whirlwindyness. The right thing to do this weekend would have been resting and relaxing. Whoops. Also, I don't think I actually feel that bad about all this, given the slightly comical spin I have given the title of the post. Come on now Miss, be serious.

Marking

It's 10:15pm and I'm about to start marking 27 year 9 maths books. This may take me more than two hours.

I've just got back after the BITC presentation, and, crucially, the post-work drinks :) Some interesting stuff there, the perfect end to a day of good teaching and school-based drama. I think I'll be glad it's Friday tomorrow.

So, to work.

This Blog is kinda like a Pensieve

I am too busy. Almost to the point where if I think of all the things I have to do, I get dizzy. Thus I have decided it is therapeutic to blog for ten minutes so that I can get rid of lots of things from my head and so give me more space to process new things.

Firstly then, lots of drama in my classes. Have had three girls who, in separate incidents, absolutely lost their marbles with me. I'm coping well with all the negative emotion, phew, deep breath, let it go. At least they may have felt better just raging at me. Anyway, today I had one face-to-face apology, one written letter of apology, and one girl who tried so damn hard in the lesson to make up for it that I let some of it go. Not sure what's been happening with the kids, maybe they're just testing the boundaries?

Last night I went to a TF event on personal presentation. The woman hosting it was a wee bit odd, but I liked that. It was at Freshfields, but since there were no coaches or external "adult" contact type people there, the drinks and nibbles were noticeably absent. Boo. Anyway, the woman made lots of interesting and excellent points on first impressions, self reflection, values, strengths, weaknesses, and something called The Life Balance Wheel (I didn't really get this bit). I gave my tutor group the highlights of it today during an impromptu tutor time - they were quick off the mark, suggesting that people judge on appearance and how they are acting. One of them even pointed out that what you say isn't that important, it's more about how you say it. I was pleased with their thinking.

The woman also mentioned a coupla psychological concepts. The first was leakage whereby your body language gives away what you're really thinking and feeling regardless of what your mouth is saying. The second was the Reticular Activation System (RAS), which sounds like gobbledygook to me, but anyway...it's this thing whereby once you're thinking about something, you notice it more and more because your brain filters out lots of irrelevant things so you focus more on what you're interested in. For example, my father is always thinking about some car or other, and in the weeks leading up to when he actually buys the car, he will see the desired car everywhere, and will remark upon this very point. Similarly then, if you focus on the positives, you become a more positive person.

The last thing that interested me was the work values survey. Very important values to me: creativity, recognition, helping others and society, time freedom, competition, persuading people. Important values to me: learning new things, making decisions, risk, being an expert, pressure, communication, independence, challenge, variety, fast pace, community. Lots of things there. Upon reflection, it seems that teaching can offer me most of these things. Strange that!

What else? Well, my right hamstring is still sore, which means no physical activity, boo. Have SO MUCH marking to do. BITC business-education presentation tomorrow night, minor panic there since I can't view the presentation or remember the case studies, so no idea what I'm supposed to be saying! Have a full day of lessons to plan tomorrow, not sure what I'm teaching there either. Great.

And finally, in the tiny spare bit of thought I have left, well, it's full of people. No, not people, just one person. Ever had it when you've got someone in your head and you just can't get them out? In your head, under your skin, whatever you want to call it. I don't even know how they got there, they just kinda sneaked (snuck?) in and now I am all whirlwindy. This is alarming, I never thought I'd get distracted in this way again. I can't even do anything about it, it's very frustrating. Although now I have written all of this, I have more space in my head to contemplate.

Haha, what a good vague ramble, my favourite type! I'll leave you with two quotes from the presentation woman that I used with my kids today...

None of us is smarter than all of us.

Attitude is infectious - is yours worth catching?

Winding up the kids!

I feel a bit weird. Kinda tired but wired at the same time. Just been playing the piano, I think it drained my brain. On the plus side, have marked all my Y10 books :) But I have pulled my hamstring, which is no good.

Want an early night tonight, have a busy day tomorrow...excitement includes a department meeting and a TF event on "Personal Presentation", Obviously my personal presentation is awesome, but there'll be snacks there, so it'll be worth it.

Today I wound up my Y12 sociology group big time, it was lots of fun. We're studying theories of class and educational achievement. They all get deeply offended whenever anyone suggests anything negative about the working class, or about ethnic minorities. This happens all the time in the Education module, so we have regular riots.

In the lesson we looked at theories of material deprivation and cultural capital. Lots of outrage ensued when I suggested that working class families had fewer resources for their children, which may lead to lower initial ability and motivation. It got worse when I suggested that middle class families cared more about education and wanted to keep their children within middle class social groups, and also that schools are middle-class institutions based on the values, principles and methods of the middle classes, making it easier for them to succeed. Cue lots of angry outbursts such as "just cos my family are working class doesn't mean they don't care about education - I'm here now aren't I?" and then sullen looks. Heehee. Just to push them a little further, I brought up Herrnstein and Murray's Bell Curve - the idea that certain groups fare better in society because of their intelligence, which itself is fundamentally genetically determined i.e. some groups are more affluent because the genes of their race promote superior intelligence. They loved this theory, in that it was so ridiculous to them that it sealed the idea that sociological theories of class and educational achievement are all a load of bull.

Good, I am glad I am conveying the learning well.

And finally, my little brother is back from Tanzania. He brought me this back from Zanzibar. If only I was that revolutionary.

And a bit more...

I have planned one lesson, yay! Well, technically I've written up the plan for a lesson I've already taught, but that's a minor technicality. Right now I'm playing with my new MP3 player anyway, so I'm pleased I've actually managed to do one plan.

Just remembered this quote, Vernon Kay on Radio 1 from this morning: "if you like it, do it; if you don't like it, do it, you might like it". Interesting, I may well do that.

And this is the song that I like the most for this week....The Pigeon Detectives, Take Her Back. Also Estelle's new track, Just a Touch, but can't find a link for that. It's awesome though, excellent lyrics. Jij could be this good though, I know it.

22:06 Update

Lessons planned :) Except for my Y9s. But I don't see them until Tuesday, so that's ok. Loaded up a lot of tracks to my MP3 player. New headphones very good and secure. Player is nice and light, easy to use, reasonable storage. Miss my old player though. That had a massive capacity, plus a playlist function (I thought this new one did, but it doesn't seem to), and you could search through the tracks by artist and genre and amount played etc. but I can't do that on this one either. The most annoying thing is the number of albums I've lost that I used to listen to all the time e.g The Kooks, Amy Winehouse, The Lighthouse Family, KT Tunstall etc. Serves me right for pirating music I guess.

What else? Well, wide-awake, shocker. And thinking about some rather controversial things. Oh I hope it doesn't all go pear-shaped. On the other side though, no risk no reward.

Mega-Tidying!

Sunday afternoon. I have procrastinated enough, time to lesson plan. Ok, in five minutes.

This morning I woke up at 8am and couldn't go back to sleep. This was very annoying since I only got about 4 hours sleep last night, and have a rather shocking sleep debt from the week to pay off. But, despite trying hard to stay in bed, I couldn't. I decided it was time to tidy up my room. Ruthless. Lots of things got thrown away/"demoted" from having a presence in my room. I tidied up both my wardrobes too and sorted out all my tops into categories (Puja, you would be proud!). Then I worked on the the hundreds of books around the room. They are now in neat piles, but on the floor. I contemplated whether to get a bookshelf or not, but then decided it would be tricky to order a bookshelf when a) there is no space for one without ripping out the fitted sections of the room and b) my credit card is blocked out after repeated attempts to guess the pin (it was one of those nights when I was sure to get it right the next time, but alas they only gave me three chances).

Moving from here, I wandered downstairs. I think my mother may have been cross with me for my poor show last night, since there were a gaggle of aunties already in the living room (it was only 10am). Usually turning up in boxers all bleary-eyed for breakfast would be a no-no, but part of the family dynamic is that shame is a good punishment, so to repent for the night before I did my duty and sat with the aunties and did the chatter. What with having tidied up after the party last night and doing the chatter in the morning, well, I think I am back in the good books.

What else? Had a nice piano lesson and completed a full pelt work-out, mainly to neutralise the last two days of wickedness and also to stop myself getting too wired. Sweated out all the alcohol in the sauna (hopefully!) and am now contemplating the lesson planning. If only my enthusiasm for tidying could be replicated for this task. Again, try as I might, I can't push myself to do this. Cup of tea time :)

Saturday night update

It's pretty late, I should be in bed. I need the sleep for all the work I have to do tomorrow. Work doesn't always mean bad things. For example, I think of piano lessons and gym sessions as work, and I have to do both of those tomorrow, but I like them. However, there is some work that I definitely don't like that I also have to do tomorrow. Lesson planning, yuck. GS Leadership Log, double yuck. Education - Business presentation, triple yuck. If I didn't have to do all the extra work that is associated with the whole TF experience, I'd only be on one yuck, instead of six. Some nice algebra there.

Still, mustn't complain, currently I feel like I can battle all this work, complete it all, tick it off the list, and then spend time gloating and being satisfied that my "to do" list is done. I like this feeling.

In other news then, the inspection, well, terrible. Was 10 mins late for the lesson with my mad Y7s. The groups hadn't been set yet and so it was entirely mixed ability, except by mixed I mean on the one hand kids that can add 7 to a number, and on the other, kids that can barely count or spell the word number. Inspector went to hell and back with his post-lesson chatter. Essentially I think I flopped because I just don't know the kids yet, I don't know where to pitch the level, I don't know who is capable of what, or where to provide extra support. I'd only taught that class four times previously, there were 31 kids in the group anyway, and as a final excuse, well, I had no information on them and we hadn't had a formal maths lesson yet, so of course it wasn't going to be perfect. Still, it felt bad not to have a good opportunity to show off my potential.

Crazy H in my tutor group is being excluded for 3 days next week. His latest offences include kicking other students, threatening to burgle the house of an LSA, and bringing hardcore pornography into lessons. Bless him. I just want to hug him since he's an angel with me and cares about how Spurs are doing. He's really messed up and there's no-one really there to help him. Sad as it sounds, I can't see him lasting to Y11 at this rate.

This morning I woke up with a cracking hangover. The older I get the worse they are. Even if I don't drink that much. Last night was great, lots of good times with various TFers over the night, plus bumped into two old friends too, what are the chances? Obviously today was written off, except I did manage to get some tat for the kids as prizes for next week. Scented highlighters, glitter pens, and lollipops...surely that is incentive enough to try and stay off report all week?

And finally, I missed most of a dinner party tonight, naughty naughty. Was out drinking with the Furies, which I loved for the most part. It's not the same though, there's just too many rocks beneath the waves for it all to flow smoothly. I dunno, I don't want to waste too much emotion on it all, it's time to cut lose and leave it to mend itself. It's weird though, I can feel myself actively pulling away, it's sad, these people were my good friends, but now I find it hard to imagine ever having again what we had had.

So, to bed I guess. To ponder. To ponder is to dream, right? Or have I got that wrong...

Whirlwindy

Helllooooo!

I am alive, have just been crazy busy with:

• inspections (oh dear, don't ask)
  
• marking
• getting older (and not wiser)
• TF events
• my naughty form group, in particular crazy "H"
• breaking up fights
• shouting at kids (husky voice anyone?)
  
• coaching footy (awesome new Y7 players)
  
• chewing gum detentions
• wedding receptions (still not mine, despite the best efforts of my folks!)
  
• staff meetings
• playing scrabulous (gosh, I'm addicted I think!)

Will give you an update on the weekend, hope you are all well and less "whirlwindy" than me.

Lunchtime chaos

It's Saturday. I am lesson planning. Well, technically, I've not started yet, but at some point today I intend to plan some lessons. In case it's not already been mentioned, we're being inspected on Monday and Tuesday. This is causing muchos chaos in the school. Further, I know I say it all the time, but once again for luck...I hate lesson planning. Especially when I have to miss, not just one, but two weddings so that I can work today. Booooo.

On Friday there was a huge fight at lunchtime involving Y8, Y10 and Y11 boys. I don't know exactly what happened or why, but it was pretty scary stuff. I was standing in the playground outside the maths block telling off some weirdo girls from my Y10 maths group. They were pointing bananas in the face of the younger kids, who were fasting for Ramadan. That's pretty cruel and unnecessary in my book. Anyway, as I was reprimanding them, they interrupted and said "Miss, you should probably be more worried about the fight than the bananas." I turned around and saw kids streaming into the canteen. Within seconds, there was a hysteria across the playground as children started shouting and whooping and storming into the school. Literally maybe 200 ran past and rushed the school. It was out of control. It took me about 5 seconds of just standing there as kids ran past before I woke up and thought I'd better try and do something. I stood in front of one door and started yelling at the on-comers to stop what they were doing. Around this time a load of teachers appeared from the staffroom and started evacuating the canteen and blocking the other doors to stop kids going in. So kids started pouring out of the school and instead charged towards the order end of the building. Soon there were about 100 kids coming through the other way, and boys being restrained by the main entrance. The little Y7s just looked stunned and some got knocked about as the kids were ushered back outside again. Luckily the bell rang for lessons and so things settled down a bit, although my Y9 class after lunch were pretty hyped up. My throat is still sore this morning from all the shouting.

I've seen this kind of stuff a few times at school, but really, when they realise their collective power, it's scary, really scary. There are a lot more of them than us, and some students really don't care about hurting other people. For a time (a very short time but still) it was mob rule in school and we were powerless. I wonder what the inspectors would say about that?

More tough stuff

One of my Y10 students threw a ruler at me today. In my classroom. During my lesson. Whilst my back was turned. Little monster.

We are being inspected on Monday and Tuesday. Hours and hours of paperwork etc. need to be sorted before then.

I have a glorious headache. The kind that increases when you bend to pick something up.

I'm going swimming.

Drama Day

Taught three lessons today. Plenty of drama to go around.

Lesson 1: Year 7 (the x half of the year) were meant to complete their initial assessment test. First 15 minutes all good. Then one of the lads from my tutor group knocks on the door. "Miss, none of our class know where we're supposed to be for lesson 1". Oh dear. Leave my class for 5 minutes while I pop over to the main school. Lo and behold there are two Year 8 groups without teachers or classrooms milling about in the main corridor. Was surprised that things hadn't kicked off already; give them 5 more minutes and trouble would definitely start. One of the SLT is there trying to sort them out. She says she desperately needs the SLT chap in charge of timetabling. He's currently teaching in the room opposite where I am so I offer to briefly cover his room while he sorts out these kids. Obviously this takes up the whole lesson and he's not seen until break. Sooo, back in the maths block I am switching between my Year 7 maths test and the Year 7 science lesson next door. In the science lesson I have the kids drawing the equipment from their last lesson experiment and writing up methods. Have my eye on the other class too. Suddenly I hear a yell. Step back into my maths room and two boys are having a fight in the middle of the room. Excellent. Sort all that out and order them back in at lunch time for detention. When I return to the science class, one of the boys has managed to catch his trousers on a chair and is now causing a nice little scene. More fun.

Period 2 is spent sorting out the incident sheets for the fight and then trying to fix my tutor group documentation.

Period 3: Year 10. That kid, A, is back in my class. He saunters in late, uniform a mess, no stationery. Finally get him to open up his book. Lots of back chat so I ask him to leave the room to calm down. He comes back in and settles a bit, although he is still trying to push the boundaries. End of the lesson he thrusts his red report card in my face. "Sign it," he demands. How rude! I begin my lecture on politeness and how he is meant to put his report card on my desk at the start of the lesson. He starts kicking off, and then, the final straw. "You won't sign my report because I'm black and you don't like that". I am still so cross that he's said this that I have nothing more to say.

Period 4 was spent fuming and sorting out incident reports for him and another rather less naughty boy from that class.

Lunchtime: manage my detainees and plan for the afternoon, whilst trying to ignore day's drama so far. Also call the annoyed mother of a boy in my tutor group - he is studying Urdu when he asked to be in Spanish. Urdu?! Walk down the stairs and am about to leave the maths block. See a kid's head fly into the main door, and then two boys tearing pieces out of each other. Struggle to get the door open, but thankfully another teacher appears and yanks them apart.

Period 5: Year 9s after lunch woulda been trouble, but actually they were good as gold.

Tutor time: also manageable, despite issuing them with spelling lists! I vow to get my form under control. Have to keep one behind for constant talking.

And finally, just when I think I can get out of there, I check my pigeon hole. Three incident sheets for crazy H. I haven't seen him since morning registration, but clearly he has been causing trouble. Bunking lessons, calling teachers "pr*cks and bullsh*t, and my personal favourite....hiding in bushes and refusing to come out to go to lessons. We have no Head of Year at the moment so I have no clue what I'm supposed to do to sort him out.

It's a good thing I love drama.

My horoscope today:

The solar eclipse in Virgo suggests major life changes are imminent for many Virgos. You cannot remain the same and events from as long ago as 2003 are finally being sorted out. Don't try to tread the middle ground. The energy of these times says you have to come off the fence and make choices. So far this year you've been pulled from pillar to post, seemingly at the mercy of unpredictable changes. But you have a chance to break the mould, throw it away and begin again. It's time to take some small chances.

That all sounds fun doesn't it? My favourite bit is "the energy of these times". Right.

More horoscopes + the dread

I hardly slept last night. I'd like to think it was because I was in "weekend mode". But I think really it was because I was dreading school today. All night and before school I was just dreading going there. But, after running a healthy 4km by 7am, well, I was up for it a bit more. And, actually, school was wonderful. All the usual drama (and then some!) but I kept my cool. By the end of the day I was finding it hard to imagine not being there. Essentially switching from one extreme to the other in 24 hours. A bit of bipolarity applied to school-life. Gotta keep it interesting.

But then I read my horoscope in the free Daily Mail I picked up in the gym.

The coming two days are some of the most important in the year, with some difficult but necessary decisions to be made. Have a detached and objective look at the past week or so and ask yourself what - or who - you can let go of. See it as some necessary weeding and pruning so the future can come in without having to negotiate worn-out emotional baggage. The key words for you at the moment are effectiveness and efficiency. Functionality is another and suggests new beginnings. But that's tomorrow.

Scary? I think so. This is the kind of ominous horoscope that leaves me wanting to hide in my bed all day tomorrow, listening to the Greatest Hits of the Lighthouse Family, Sade, John Legend and Texas. Except I can't because my silly MP3 player is still broken. So I will have to start up that whole dread thing again. Am so bored of that.

In the world of Hollyoaks, Sarah found out about Craig and John-Paul today. So dramatic, it was awesome! What on earth will happen now? I thought it was weird how easy everyone found it to pick sides. Although, upon reflection, I guess it was pretty clear whose side everyone would be on. I guess our own world isn't so black and white.

And lastly I took this article in to show my Y12 sociology group. They loved it.

Scary Horoscope

Just read my horoscope for the week. Scary....

"Concentrating on you and your needs is challenging at the best of times, but it will be particularly tricky this week. On the one hand, Tuesday’s Virgo eclipsed New Moon marks a period of deep personal reflection. On the other, the combination of this and late August’s lunar eclipse brings chaos around you, and you’re worried things need to be attended to. They can wait. In fact, they must wait until you’ve had a chance to give serious thought to whether it’s time to alter or simply abandon certain plans. Only once you know what’s staying should you even consider responding to the changes around you."

Read your Sunday Times Horoscope here.

The Weekend

Blah. It's Sunday. You know what that means....lesson planning. I figured out what I hate about teaching - all the stuff that isn't actually interacting with the kids in school. By that I mean planning, assessment, recording, reporting...bureaucracy. This probably sounds strange to those of you who know how well I love a good plan. I think lesson plans are different, mainly because I don't like teaching maths and the plans just lead to more plans.

It's almost 6pm. Our lunch guests left a short while ago after a booze fuelled feast. I have managed 7 days now on the detox; it's going well, but my target date is 5th October, which is FAAAAAAAR away. My family are being very weird about this. Last night we were at a family 21st and my mother asked me why I wasn't drinking. I explained the detox. She looked horrified. "Don't do that, you will only have a binge when you can drink again. It's better to drink a little bit each day rather than save it all up". She knows me well. My father's approach is rather different. We don't really do aperitifs in my house, preferring to hit the hard stuff straight. So at 12:50pm when our guests arrived, out came the big guns. "Whisky or brandy?," he asks. When I respond that a coke is fine, I get shocked looks from not just him, but my relatives as well. They proceed to demolish a bottle of whisky and three quarters of brandy. The Baileys and sherry also get a look in. Just after pudding the talk turns to an upcoming wedding between my cousin and her Muslim boyfriend. The concern here is that there will be no alcohol at the reception. My father and uncle put their heads together and decide that they will shoulder the responsibility of setting up a secret car park bar. Problem solved.

On Friday night we had a maths department curry, which was tasty tasty. Staying away from the Cobra meant that I could actually finish off my meal. However, I am concerned that I have just swapped drinking for food, a new addiction for me. My HoD remarked that he was thought I was a nice responsible girl until the Christmas drinks, where I went a little bit wild. It's a strange idea we all seem to have about drink...I can't figure out if people want me to drink or not.

During that dinner I heard two awesome stories from colleagues. One teacher told us all about how he'd ran a "bring a granny to the opera" programme when he was in charge of a youth centre. Each hoodie had to dress up nicely and invite a senior citizen to the opera. On the night 50 kids and seniors turned up at the ROH, everyone acting the perfect lady/gentleman. Woulda loved to have seen that! Another teacher told us about how she and three other teachers had been on a camping trip with some kids and had got so hammered during the night that they'd decided to hurl the kids' breakfasts at their tents! Imagine it, 30 eggs and sausages lobbed at sleeping children! In the morning one child was convinced that someone had been throwing eggs at him in the night. "Don't be so silly; it was probably a bad dream, " was the response. Shocking.

Aarrrgh I hate planning so much. Why am I doing this again?

Thursday Ramble

Period 1: PSHE with my form. Have observed maybe three/four lessons of PSHE before. Have never studied it as a subject myself nor taught it. Helpfully, our learning manager (head of year) is off sick so I have no idea what we are meant to be studying today. Manage to kill an hour of time with the kids, luckily it was first thing in the morning...by afternoon they were distinctly more challenging.

Period 2: Year 9. Solving equations. I can't believe that there are 14 year olds that still struggle to solve 3x=18. Crazy D has moved down to set 5. I'm not sure whether to whoop; I have a strange concern for that boy. In his place I have Sulky L. You will know her from numerous temper tantrums last year. She sulked today. It was nice to have her back.

Period 3: Year 10. Setting the rules and expectations. I'm no longer stunned by the size of some of the boys. They can tower over me and I can happily rant away. Again, with this class I am shocked at the low ability. Bear in mind that I sat my maths GCSE in Year 10, whilst these kids are mostly level 4 (as a point of reference, most people at my secondary school achieved a level 5 in maths at 11). When we were playing a bit of warm-up maths bingo, some of the questions would frankly insult my Year 7 set from last year, but when I asked the kids if they were finding it a bit too easy, they all resoundingly said no. And they weren't lying. Going over the answers, only one child out of 26 could tell me the square root of 100, and that was after much prompting. A rather menacing child got himself kicked out within the first 2 minutes of the lesson by refusing to sit in his allocated seat. On the street he would have scared me, but in my classroom I have a comfortable feeling of control. Even when the principal tried to persuade me to take him back in, I declined, stating that such attitudes and lack of respect for learning did not belong in our room. I love being able to stick to my guns, not least because it stops the kids steam-rolling me (in theory anyway).

Period 4: Year 8. All the set lists have been lost so we each had to grab any old 20 kids and kill some time with them. Made up an anagram game, which the kids really got into. No maths to be seen :)

My tutor group made me cross in the afternoon. I wanted to set up some circle time stuff with them, but they were all rather restless so in the end I made them sit in silence. I feel guilty about that now a bit, since clearly all the frustrations of the day were unleashed on them. Hopefully they will learn not to chatter when it's lesson time, then I won't have to do that again. Shame we ended sourly since we had been getting on so well in the morning.

And the last thing on a busy school day - got cornered in the corridor by our principal about inspections. We're being OFSTEDed this term, crumbs. In preparation for this, we're having an inspection by our sponsors. And yes, you guessed it, I will be inspected. I completely freaked out with my subject mentor and department after being told. Inspection chills me, probably because it reminds me of the awful summer term. I hate freaking out in front of people, especially when they know me as calm and controlled, and when there's nothing too much to freak about, I'm sure it'll all be fine. Will have to do more to keep on top of things, can't be messing up so early in the term. I knew I'd be on the list, but I'm still not too psyched by it. I kinda feel that it's another hoop to jump through just because I've jumped well through the ones in the past. Similar I guess to the way that kids stop performing well at school, because they know that success will just lead to more work.

Finally may Rhys Jones rest in peace, along with all the many other young people for whom life was too short. I'm not in the mood to talk about guns and knives, except to say that today my Year 8s in maths were talking about the size of a bullet hole as if this was something cool to discover. Why?

Hey There Delilah

I love Hey There Delilah by the Plain White T's. Particularly tunes and words of verse 5...

A thousand miles seems pretty far
But they've got planes and trains and cars
I'd walk to you if I had no other way
Our friends would all make fun of us
and we'll just laugh along because we know
That none of them have felt this way

Delilah I can promise you

That by the time we get through
The world will never ever be the same
And you're to blame

Found this picture when googling them. Awesome.

The First Proper Day Back

I had a really good day today :)

I think I've remembered why I got into teaching. Three reasons:

• I like being in control
• I like the sound of my own voice
• I like fixing things/people
  

Today I got to do all of these things. I spent most of the day with my tutor group, where I finally got to stamp really control over them. The old adage "don't smile till Christmas" doesn't really work with me since my face acts independently of my head, but I tried to be on the top of my game and jump on all infringements. I told them that I would train them, whether they liked it or not, so they might as well get used to it. Lots of monologuing on my part got my point across I think. And I don't want to speak too soon, but after it all Eight Evil were the best that I've seen them. I think it's cos they realised that they're stuck with me now so they might as well tow the line. Whatever, they're actually pretty ok, even crazy H and J-L (the girl who hated me all of last year). E was a bit clingy and A a bit whiny, but I managed it.

My weirdo year 9s were good too, partly because most of the real nutters from my group's parallel back in Y8 seem to have dropped down a set, and all the ones that came from the set above are fairly normal. No doubt I will have trouble with them at some point, and obviously little D was his usual nutty self, but for the most part I liked that lesson.

This is all a bit weird. I guess it's cos I've forgotten what it's like to be in school. On Friday when I have a 5 period proper day of teaching I will get a bit shaky. But that's ok cos then it's the weekend and so I can have fun :) I'm surprised I guess cos last night I didn't sleep at all, very turbulent dreams, and yet I am only just feeling the fatigue. They were those lucid dreams where you feel like you're in control of what's happening but then you don't understand why you are dreaming what you are. Hope that doesn't happen tonight, it's too much like work. Should be ok though since I hit the gym at half six this morning, so might have been running off the buzz i.e. endorphins and raised metabolism, not dodgy steroids or anything. That should be enough to knacker me out tonight. Reckon I'll do that tomorrow as well.

Well that was all very rambley. Am off now to sort out seating plans and do some sociology work. Can't believe I am teaching them on Friday and I have no idea what's going on!

Unpacking

Have spent most of day 2 unpacking boxes and boxes and boxes of new equipment, and then carting off the rubbish to the school bins. On the plus side the work was pretty mindless and meant that I got to flex my amazing forearms. On the down side I am now completely knackered and haven't sorted out anything for real school tomorrow.

Not looking forward to my first tutoring day with 8E aka "Eight Evil". I think I have put too much pressure on the first day, in that I figure if I screw up tomorrow I will lose them for the whole year. Hopefully it'll be ok....although the class was already pretty mad before H from 7F got moved to my form. He's easily one of the most messed up kids in the year. Woohoo, the more the merrier. I guess I usually perform better if I'm a little nervous, so maybe my butterflies will work in my favour.

After having to spend 3 hours with them (ok, ok, I'm sure it won't be that bad...) I've got my first lesson of the year with my new Y9 set. Essentially this is my Y8 group (grrr) without S (yay!) but with crazy D and also twice as many kids. By kids I mean all the nutters from the equivalent set on the other side of the blocking system. Excellent. Roll on the weekend.

In other news, Science TFer K caught me at a chatty moment and somehow got me to confess all the tales of my summer term trauma. I am now distinctly uneasy that I have divulged too much, particularly since we chatted in the maths block and now patently my whole department will realise I may be a fruit loop. On the plus side here it turns out that she had some dramas of her own, so it's good to hear that I'm not the only one.

I guess I should go and do some work. Except I have no idea what I'm teaching or anything really. I think I will just sit and contemplate it all instead. 193 days to go!

PS Sailing photos on facebook. No longer interested in detailing the drama; time to put it behind us all.

Teacher Training aka Extended Nap Time

Day one of the academic year passed by pretty calmly in comparison to the drama of last week. In fact, at some points, it was positively tedious. I had to do all I could to keep my eyes propped open in the afternoon....by all I could I mean placing my entire 60 kgs on my left foot so that it really rather hurt.

From 9am to 3:30pm we were talked at about all kinds of things that I can't remember. The only bits that stuck were that we all have a lot of work to do, and that we shouldn't tell OFSTED inspectors the first thing that comes to our heads, since more than likely this won't do the school any good. Riiiiight, so is it normal practice to prep staff like this before an inspection?

I have 194 days of teaching to go. Is it bad that I'm counting down already? Ok, ok, some positives. I think I have my own classroom this year! Yippee! Well, I say I think...the maths teacher whose room it was last year is not pleased with this at all. Basically he's a head of year, and my new timetable has me teaching 19 a week, whilst he is only down for 15, so I've been given the room, and he's being made to shuffle through 9 different rooms. Essentially lots of crossness and drama in the staffroom this morning, excellent. Within about an hour of school it felt like we hadn't even been on a break.

This feeling was intensified when we started tidying up the maths office. It's full of supplies for the school move in January...why do we have them now already, hmmm? I was sorting out one part of the room when I flashed back to July when I was doing a very similar thing in a different part of the room. Sigh. What made me most cross about this activity was the amount of waste. We threw away so many perfectly good books and folders and other school paraphernalia. It was just shocking, although I guess the point that the other maths teachers made, that kids won't use second-hand goods, was reasonable in this day and age. I just kept thinking back to when I've been in Africa and India and Sri Lanka, where the kids are so desperate for pens and things, and yet here we are just chucking away so much educational equipment. It brought me down a bit, so I decided to leave them to it. Talk about team player.

In other news, I am spending a lot of time daydreaming, which is good fun. Perhaps the contents of my daydreams would cause controversy with some of you, but no matter, it passes the day. And no, I'm not thinking dodgy things about my children, you're so filthy for considering me capable of that. But even if I was, I'm having a detox this month so I think I deserve a treat.*

*In no way do I condone any kinda dodgy activity with children. Just thought I'd cover my back - sometimes my banter causes trouble!

Pre-school Greece Chatter

I think it was this time last year that I started my blog. A whole year has gone by...where's the time gone, eh? NQT Miss P, rock n roll.

Got back from our sailing week in Greece this afternoon. Even sitting at my desk 5 hours later I have a vague feeling of motion and swaying. And the accompanying nausea of course. Nothing at all to do with the two week hangover I seem to have accumulated.

So the sailing itself was pretty awesome. Like really awesome. A lovely boat, blue seas, sunshine, islands, Greek food and drink, friendly people, the occasional useful wind(!). I loved all of that - hopping from island to island in the Ionian, learning new skills, both sailing and banter-wise. Things were fine until day four - the jinx day for most of our holidays.

To put it mildly there may have been a teeny tiny bit of drama over the holiday. By tiny I mean just ridiculously out of control drama. Perhaps I am even a little emotionally traumatised by it. I would try and explain it all to you, but unless you knew Disney and all the intricacies of our world, it just wouldn't make sense. But honestly, there were parts of this week that were just amazing, and other parts that were so devastating that you couldn't script it if you tried. I wonder if anyone would watch the film version? Anyway, I think Disney as an entity may be a bit broken at the moment, so perhaps I should use the time I would have spent with them this autumn to write my screenplay instead...

I'm exhausted. This does not bode well with the fact that school starts tomorrow and I really don't care. My Facebook horoscope says "no matter how much people try to cheer you up, you're in a funky mood, and you're just fine with that, thank you very much. Alone time is in order". I'm not sure being in a school with 700 people quite counts as alone time.

Fingers crossed for the new term. Sailing highlights to follow in the week, and maybe even some photos!