Naps!

Aaah, naps. Naps naps naps. What a lovely word.

I've been missing them. Sleeping in the afternoon is like breathing to me - essential to keep me alive. My sleep deficiency could very well explain why teaching feels so tough.

Today I skived most of my busy day. Naughty I know. I didn't mean to. There was just really bad traffic in the morning due to a road being closed (I actually got diverted back past my own road after sitting in traffic for half an hour - what a joke) so I went back home and had a cup of tea. Managed to make it in in time for lesson 2, but then spent aaaall morning marking homework on translations and reflections, good fun, thus accidentally missing my year 9 and 10 support classes, whoops :)

Good turn out to football at lunchtime, am impressed, reckon that could be pretty good. Then had my mentoring session, nice chatter chatter, before flying off home to nap. Yay! I feel so refreshed, I love naps. And tea. And Neighbours. All of these things are very important and help keep the perspective.

Been busy trying to fight off all the millions of dreaded germs these kids seem to have. Sadly it seems this is a losing battle - my vitamin C/zinc/echinacea combo is being neutralised by the wicked Lariam. I sense I will be sick with something by the weekend, which makes all the moving around of stuff on Saturday rather inconvenient (both bros are off to uni, hence room reshuffle...yay, no more bunk beds!)

In other news, was pretty gutted to hear the latest about the Harrow School murder. Feel really sorry for the guy who's been accused of it, and also everyone concerned. He was a nice enough guy, if a little intense now and then. I knew he was a bit wired, but would never have thought anything like that would happen. I guess you can never really know what people are driven to.

Anyway, enough somber thoughts, need to get planning for tomorrow!

Potter, good work slacking :) Keep it up, Furies Ltd. needs you!

Funny conversation

Today I thought I'd do a good deed and help a lost father find the football pitches. On the way there he tried to make small talk. This consisted of rapid fire questioning along the lines of:

Mr Dad: Are you from Pakistan?
Me: No, I'm not.
Mr Dad: Are you from Bangladesh?
Me: No, I'm not.
Mr Dad: Are you from India?
Me: Actually I was born in London.
Mr Dad: Yes, but where are you from?
Me: My parents are from Sri Lanka.
Mr Dad: But you are Muslim?
Me: No, I'm not.
Mr Dad: But your children are Muslim yes?
Me: No, I don't have any children.
Mr Dad: But your husband must want you to have children?
Me: No, I'm not married.
Mr Dad: But your husband is Muslim?

Thankfully we reached the pitches at this point and so the conversation was forced to end. It did make me laugh though.

In other news, pretty good day today. Year 8s in the morning were a state - they are slowly turning into my least favourite class. But aside from them, day was ok. PE was wicked - netball, whooop! Year 11s did enlargements using the ray method. Was feeling like we didn't get that much done in the lesson, but then the teacher who takes Y11 set 3 (I take set 6) was in my classroom and noticed what we'd done that day and was really surprised and impressed my kids had understood it, so this was good. Year 7s were ace, although think I have thoroughly confused them about adding and subtracting positive and negative numbers. Tried to teach them that two minus signs in a row means you add; not sure they really have any clue. On the plus side (pun not intended), the seating plan is working well, they're loads more productive. Tried to use loop cards in the lesson, but didn't check they worked before hand, thus leading to comedy looping disasters (e.g. two people had number 13, no-one's card had the answer to "-6+7", so made mental note to check through the cards next time. And also not make them 10 mins before the lesson). Played FizzBuzz with Year 8s in the morning too, they didn't get that either. Hahaha, I will persevere with my maths games :)

Busy day tomorrow despite not teaching on my own, but am actually quite looking forward to it. Maybe things are on the up...

Share the blog?

Browsing the TF extranet earlier, I noticed an article from one of the sponsors requesting teachers with blogs to volunteer to participate in a presentation on blogging to all 33 London LEAs (Local Education Authorities). I was vaguely tempted...I do need to credits after all. But given the content of my blog, this might be a bad idea...

Anyway, today was a pretty good day. Started off rocky with year 8s lesson 1. New laptop didn't have PowerPoint or Word on it (useful) and refused to connect to the interactive whiteboard. Was a great exercise in freestyling a lesson since I had it all planned on my USB stick and couldn't get to it. It didn't go too badly though.

Year 11s and 7s were good banter lessons, plus the kids seemed to understand the work and do it, so thumbs up there.

Spent all afternoon marking books...and am still only halfway through! Cheeky Monkey (year 8) and Swearer Girl (year 7) served their time in lunch time detention. Muslim kids are trying their best to use Ramadan as an excuse not to do detention, but am trying to be strict on it. Loads of kids are asking me why I'm not fasting: "But Miss, you're brown tho innit". Interesting.

In other news: to quell all the concern, don't worry, I haven't cracked up, I'm doing ok :) Clearly I am sending out the wrong messages to people. Yes, I'm a wee bit stressed and overwhelmed, but it's nothing major. Contrary to popular belief, I am really enjoying my job - the highs are really high, and I do love the kids (in a legal way :)) So thanks for your concern, but really, I'm ok.

Shout-outs to anyone reading this from out of the country. Shout-outs too to people reading this in the office while pretending to work. And due to requests, the comment facility has been extended to non-Blogger members, so everyone should be able to write whatever they want. But no pressure - I don't know how well I'd deal with the feedback.

Aaah, hot chocolate time for Grandma.

Quick update

It's Sunday and I am busy planning lessons, fun fun fun. Thought I'd take a cheeky break to give you updates.

Played benchball with year 7s on Friday, sooo much fun, I love PE. Same year 7s (plus the boys) were rather hyper lesson 5 on Friday, I think because it was "wet weather break" at lunchtime cos it was absolutely pissing down, hence being caged up made them crazy. I let the kids take their shoes off in the lesson cos they were soaked through - big mistake. One boy emptied his shoes under his desk and created a bit of a puddle, whilst other kids' feet just plain reeked. Shoes on in future.

Had some fun on the interactive whiteboard - am trying to make more use of ICT in my lessons, which hopefully should lead to them being better organised, although currently all ICT seems to do is cause more problems e.g. crashing PowerPoint, not being able to write on the board, losing the pointy stick thing under piles of paper etc.

Have got my first lesson observations this week - eeek! Am a bit scared, keeping my fingers crossed the lessons don't go too badly. Also got my first coaching sessions on Weds, yay football!

Accidentally missed a departmental meeting last Thurs after school - whoops! Team Maths were pretty nice about it, and also nice about me missing the monthly "Maths Curry"...second social that I've missed so am gonna make a real effort to make the next one.

Rather strangely was given hints from a colleague that I should try and impress management so that they offer me a permanent job. Thought it was all a bit early for that kinda stuff, but guess it can't hurt to start making a good impression.

Wow, am knackered, need another weekend, the next one's sooooo far away :) Was really good to see the Keble kids and Disney too, it's really cool to see how far people have come and what they're doing in their lives now. Oxford seems years ago already.

Shout outs to Disney, apologies for the poor performance. Shout out to Ange too, Audi TT eh? Chuckle, good to hear you drive like me ("excuse me Mr Man, how do I make it go backwards?") And finally to the Kenya kids too, especially Shreqa, happy belated birthday!

Staffroom Politics

I think I might have mentioned before that there is a lot of tension between the "old firm" pre-Academy staff, and the new Principal and Academy management. Today this rising resentment of the "Academy Way" became more apparent than ever.

Whilst I am usually pretty oblivious to staffroom politics, it was difficult not to notice the absence of half the senior leadership team. It seems that the SLT are voting with their feet and staying away from school. Meanwhile, the Principal seems to be keeping a low profile (apart from the surprise lesson observations I hear she is carrying out). More alarmingly, other members of staff are getting summoned for "infringements" on an almost daily basis. I am convinced my lovely stripey pirate-esque shirt will count as an infringement; if they try and confiscate it, I will be very cross. On a more serious note, there is some kinda emergency union meeting tomorrow to discuss the problems and think of solutions. Perhaps I will bring up the pirate-shirt issue...

Personally, having not been at the school pre-Academy, and not having really taught in another school long enough to know what it could (and should) be like, I can't really complain too much. But I'm finding it pretty difficult to keep my opinion neutral since the Maths Dept. is so anti-Academy and anti-Principal. There are some strong characters on the teaching staff, and they are trying pretty hard to persuade us TFs that they are right and the Academy is wrong.

My understanding of unions is pretty limited, so I guess I'll go along to the meeting with an open-mind. But from an economist's perspective, unions are usually detrimental to efficiency, which can't be a good thing. Further, I'm terrified of maybe having to cross a potential picket line (yes, I am already envisioning a mass Academy staff strike, and us poor TFs getting caught up in all the drama...whoop whoop dramatastic!) I wonder if I would cross a picket line?

So yes, I will keep you posted on the staffroom politics, but it's not quite Channel 4's Teachers. Our summer training didn't prepare us for all this internal drama.

Thumbs up!

Ok, relax, I'm not complaining today, you can keep reading :) I knew a good day had to happen eventually. The worst thing that happened today is breaking a nail (although I haven't taken my Lariam yet :S)

I think the days where I teach PE are better days, mainly because I get to run around and shout lots and thus feel better for the rest of the day. Year 7s lesson 1 had to do cross country mwahahaha. Was hardly cross country though, I think they had to run just over a mile in 10 minutes. Back in the day we had to run miles every single week in tiny athletics shorts and vests, even if it was snowing. These girls are lucky running three times round a field once a half term. Had fun giving lots of positive encouragement and thumbs up type signals; very useful, hahahaha. I think all PE teachers get a slight kick out of making the kids who hate PE run. I will try and make it up to them in football on Friday.

Year 8s - did a ridiculous probability exercise featuring yachts. My 12 year olds were struggling to identify what a sail was, let alone "flag on the mainmast" and "curved hull", thus making it very difficult for them to look at the yacht pictures and calculate the probability of a yacht having "blue rounded sails, a red pointed hull, and a yellow flag on the mainmast" (the answer was 1/20 in case you've been struggling on the same exercise). Apart from the obligatory swearwords written on the mini-whiteboards and the terrible trio acting up, was an ok lesson.

Year 11s - translations continued. After much complaining, they settled down and worked really well, am really pleased. Some quite comedy answers though, clearly they're not all working from the same page. Literally true when it comes to those who can't read Roman numerals and so just make up their own question numbers (very difficult to mark!)

Year 7s - finally they are in their sets so got myself a brand new class. Learnt my lesson from last time and so went in really mean and strict so that they take me seriously from the start. That's the plan anyway. Spent a whole lesson putting names on exercise books and textbooks, and also learning "how we lay things out in maths", including a good 5 mins of drawing margins 4 squares wide. They loved it.

Driving gets a thumbs up today, really do think I am getting better :) But on the downside, both my father and my brother have been given parking tickets in the last month, thus taking the family tally to three tickets and one towing in 3 months. Good work Paras!

Yay, no teaching tomorrow, only supporting, whoop whoop! And I get to set lines for that little year 8 monster. Am told that making a kid write lines and then ripping them up in front of them works well. Teaching is a bit sadistic I think...? But really get a kick out of being bossy :)

Quotes of the day from Little Bro after I told him about school: "it's better for society if a few people like you get paid to keep the future ASBOs off the streets for a few hours each day; it doesn't matter if they don't really learn anything" and "I hate poor kids". An argument against private school there perhaps?

Grumble grumble grumble

Aaaaargh! These kids are seriously testing my patience! So much so that I feel the need to write in red.

Some highlights from today:

1. I was called a bitch/witch by a tiny Y8 boy - I think I could snap this boy in half...this might well happen at some point, he is driving me to despair. And there was me thinking it'd be a good lesson cos Sonny was home sick. I think it's a bad sign that I am pleased when kids are home sick.

2. Had to do a Y10 English cover lesson. Kids were meant to be writing a poem with similes. Girls thought it'd be more fun to write a rap about fat people and practice it really loudly throughout the lesson. I ask them to stop and am accused of racism. Interesting. I am not convinced they know what racism is. One girl threatens to sue me. I invite her to write a poem about suing people. She is not impressed. The girls were good compared to the boys, who thought it'd be more fun to climb and jump from tables. I give up trying to stop them and begin secretly hoping one will fall and slightly hurt something so that the others stop (although this would then probably require me to do something, so I didn't really want this to happen). My arm aches from checking my watch and counting down the minutes.

3. Y11 maths - one girl's moisturiser leaks in her bag causing much drama for the whole class. Another girl screams in her friend's ear. Victim screams out "f*****ck" and "you bloody c*nt". The kids that don't speak English have no clue how to translate shapes 3 squares left/2 squares up etc., and so proceed to try and copy shapes wherever they want on the page. Joanna continually chews gum (I don't understand, I confiscate at least a pack off her every day...does she maybe own a gum factory?) Gemma sneaks out of the lesson and then reappears. "I had to go to the toilet Miss". "Why didn't you ask me Gemma?" "Cos you'd say no Miss". "So you thought you'd just leave anyway Gemma?" "Yes Miss". Enough said again.

4. All afternoon spent in Foundation Day Ceremony. At least this was 2 hours of light dozing.

Hmmm, so yes, I think the reality of spending all day with juvenile delinquents is setting in. I am counting down the weeks to half-term - FIVE!

In other news, bro's birthday on Sat night went really well, wicked fun, I do love a good party. Did the whole night on Fruit Shoots (deeeelicious!) and had much comedy fun trying to remember everyone's names. Also managed not to waste too much food, although am still gutted about all the stuff that had to be thrown. Lil brother's comedy driving made me smile too...he turns left off a dual carriageway and up through a pedestrian crossing on to a pavement, but he very kindly indicates left before doing this. Good stuff, am sure his instructor would be really pleased.

Feeling 23 today, I can sense the maturity in me. For example, I have decided that there is no point planning whole lessons for tomorrow cos the little monsters will spend half the lesson driving me insane. Aaaah, I can't wait till I really lose my temper, whichever monster is the lucky winner of this prize will really regret it.

Also feeling 23 cos went a bit mad at the gym today and now my body aches. I'm sure it's the gym and not age...

Grumble grumble grumble. I miss being a student.

Cheers for the birthday cards girls :) See, I am still smiling, even if it's through gritted teeth.

PS Blame the Lariam.

Comedy from other TFs

Turns out that I'm not the only one who has kids who are a bit "special". Some of the funnier quotes/episodes from some of the other TFs:

I had a very shy year 7 quietly whisper to me halfway through our Introduction to Shakespeare lesson "Miss. What's a theatre?"

A creative piece on 'My favourite hobbies' and a weedy little yr 7 boy called Krrishna wrote: "I like to flex my body into different shapes..."

The I.T technician thought that I was sixth former and wouldn't give me my bromcom because he wouldn't believe me that I was a teacher! (please bear in mind that this is even more annoyoing because he is about 16)

"miss, you speak just like Grace from Big Brother - do you know her?"
Yes of course, everyone from the south of the country knows each other...

"miss are u Indian?" and "Miss your room smells of curry and poppadoms"

"yr 11 does anyone know where Kyle is he's not been in all week?"
"he's in prison miss".
This i discovered was not a joke. Luckily he gets released in october...back into my class!

'Edinburgh? Is that in Liverpool miss?'

"Sir, where was the French Revoltion?"

And my favourite quote so far posted on our Extranet by one desperate TF teacher :

"WHY?????????
Why do we all put our selves through the anguish, why do they insist on giving us the anguish, why, why, why?"

Reality strikes

Dang me for being so dang smug; smugness inevitably leads to disaster. I don't think I can bring myself to recount the days. *shudder*. Some of the highlights of Weds include:

1. Insomnia (in fact, I am blaming lack of sleep for the whole rubbishness that followed).
2. Reversing my car into my Dad's car, which was parked nowhere near our driveway, but I still managed to hit it. Why oh why can't I drive?!
3. Leaving late because of hitting Dad's car and so getting caught in the biggest traffic jam in the world on the A406, leading to being late for school, getting bollocked for it, and missing a meeting too.
4. Breaking down about 30 cardboard boxes and being on uniform guard during lesson 1 (for some reason the new school uniform has been left in the maths block, and kids just walk in and out and nick things).
5. Chasing (literally chasing) disruptive kids around the school for the whole of lesson 2
6. Telling kids they can't come down the corridor and then listening to them say "but Miss, but Miss" for the whole of break.
7. Co-teaching Year 9 and Year 10 lessons 4 and 5 (this is when things started going really badly; I can't remember what happened because I am blocking it from my memory)
8. Leaving school after another looooong meeting to get caught in another traffic jam.
9. Getting completely lost on the way to visit Ish & Clare, and stuck in more f*cking traffic.
10. Having the petrol warning lights flash at me while being lost (not a good sign, especially when you don't even know whether your car takes petrol or diesel, or indeed how to open the petrol thingie)
11. Panic-buying petrol with spare change while brother guides me over the phone
12. Getting home and being a complete witch to my family
13. Trying to get to Ish & Clare's again, this time by public transport
14. Pouring rain once I got out the station, helpful when wandering around in the dark trying to find the right bus, which was inevitably the wrong bus, and thus getting lost again
15. Finally making it there, 2 hours late.and then coming across as a nervous wreck at dinner. Then properly torrential rain when I got out of the station back home just before midnight, what a way to seal the day.

Thursday was positively a blast compared to Weds, although my Year 8s were complete nightmares, ruined my day. Had to do a lunch time detention, send two kids out of the lesson, and shout at them all. On the plus side, made two boys cry, while I still haven't cried about school, which I think puts me in the minority.

So glad it's almost the weekend, I need a break!

PS Sincere appreciation to Ish, Clare, and Ladun for keeping me smiling.
PPS Welcome back to England Potter!

Year 8 Set 3

Period 2 straight from PE. The little urchins are ready and waiting. Tick tock tick tock. Why can't we get into our classroom? I attempt to amuse them while we wait. They seem amenable to banter.

Tick tock tick tock. Finally a rather desolate year 9 and his teacher emerge from M5. It appears that year 9 have not had a good maths lesson and it's all thanks to Saleem. Miss is having none of it; lunch time detention beckons for Saleem.

In we go then. "Have a seat, ladies and gentlemen." An interesting classroom. Alas, all the desks are facing the interactive whiteboard, but my laptop is on strike, so it's regular pen and board for me. Spend a jolly 5 mins rearranging the kids so that they're facing the right board. Write my name on the board and the date. "How'd you say that Miss?"; "Are you teaching us all year Miss?"; "Why aren't you wearing a suit Miss?"; "Do you have a boyfriend Miss?" The questions begin. They think they can distract me. Bless. It's almost as if they don't know I am ready for their tricks.

I ignore them and get a helpful looking girl to hand out the exercise books. then continue writing on the board. The probability starter, learning objective, key words. "First one to copy all this down gets a merit". The classroom quietens. Busy heads are bent over books. A humming sound comes from the far corner. It's Sonny. I've been warned about him. "What's the matter Sonny?" "Nothing Miss". The humming continues. I warn him if he doesn't stop he'll have to leave the classroom. He continues. I tell him to leave. He refuses. I tell him if he doesn't leave, I will get Mr Scary Maths to come and remove him. He leaves. I begin the lesson with some starter questions. While the kids are thinking about an answer, I go out and read Sonny the riot act. Suitably chastised, I ask Sonny if he's ready to come back into the classroom. He says he is, and is true to his word.

"Can I go to the toilet Miss?" "There are dead bodies in the building site Miss". Connor causes trouble too. I ask him to stop distracting the others. He continues misbehaving. I tell him that if he doesn't stop, I will move him. He continues. I tell him he has two minutes to come and sit at a desk right at the front of the class or I will have him removed from the lesson. He thinks about it. I continue with the lesson. Reluctantly he moves. Once sitting alone, he manages to behave for the rest of the lesson, and even starts answering questions.

The three quiet girls seem bemused by probability. I try and get them involved. It's a bit of a struggle, but eventually they come up with some answers. I lavish praise on them. A few questions later and they start putting their hands up voluntarily. Shouty girl stops shouting out the answers after I tell her if she shouts out again she will have to stand up for the rest of the lesson. I promise the singing girls a whole lesson of singing at the end of term, and even some dancing, if they stop singing now. I hope they forget this promise.

We have a break halfway through the lesson and play some "Simon Says" type action copying. They pretend they don't love it. I know they do.

We think of events and the probability of their occurrence. We make grids with different colours in and figure out what the chances are of getting each colour. I get to say "what are the chances?" twice a minute for 5 minutes. I hand out merits like water.

Towards the end I ask them to make a probability scale of words from "impossible" to "certain". I let them come up to write their words on the scale. I've said the magic words - it seems kids like writing on the board as much as I do. I have a captive audience.

We pack up 2 mins before break and I dismiss the class. "Why do you smile so much Miss?" Danish asks as he's leaving. "Because I'm happy. You guys make me happy." I reply. It's part banter, it's part truth.

Who'd have thought all that theory we learnt in the summer actually works in practice?

Five frees out of five tomorrow. Roll on Wednesday.

Monday

Why is it so hard to wake up on Mondays? Someone should research this.

Thinking about it, it's probably because of lying-in on Sunday and then going to bed really late. Ok, forget the research.

Today was a good day full of comedy:

1. Two Year 11 girls in my class spent the whole hour talking in what I presume to be "old Nigerian woman"...very very funny, although I was trying to be serious and not laugh; another Year 11 girl sounds like she is screaming, but really she is sneezing; also very funny.
2. I managed to get Gemma (a girl who is known as a "school-refuser") to stay for the whole lesson.
3. A good proportion of my Year 11s have very poor English, which makes conversations about statistics interesting. It also encourages very creative interpretations of my name.
4. I managed to incorporate Lamaze breathing into the lesson. (hahaha, the spell check wants me to change that to "lamas"...maybe I will incorporate lamas tomorrow)
5. Year 7 sat and did a whole hour of tests without causing trouble; plus I don't have to teach them tomorrow because they're doing some kinda cognitive test in my lesson, whoop! (is it bad that I am already cherishing not teaching?)
6. I got to mark in green pen. And write on the board.
7. I just realised I get to do the above every day :) I hope it doesn't lose its sparkle.
8. I went on a wicked long run, and am still feeling the buzz.
9. Lots of other TFs are getting destroyed by their classes, so am counting my blessings.
10. My car makes cool roaring sounds. This is actually encouraging me to stay in first gear for aaaaages; first gear makes the best roar.

Potter, you shall get your yogurt once I win mine off of Mouche i.e. next year.
Mouche, I am taller than you. Let's not start this again.

Quote of the day: "It seems your office is in a big mess it might take you ages to get it in order. Don't worry, you are not alone. My shelf is in a terrible state too. All the books are dusty and there is no space for any new books. I'll start workin on it next week when people have started borrowing books. I guess it's still fun time for you, at least for now before kids start throwing stuff at you and making fun at you. I would love to see the kids make fun at you. I guess you were a clown in school now it's payback time!!!!"

Thank you Stevo, I hope you get your shelf sorted.

And I hope it's not payback time!

Who was more nervous?

The 100+ new year 7s? Or yours truly? 50-50, who do you reckon?

Surprise surprise, it was the year 7s. I'd completely forgotten what it was like to be teeny tiny and new in big school, let alone the school with the scariest rep in the borough. Within minutes of seeing them, most of my worries disappeared.

So how was my first day of teaching? I'd give it 8 out of 10, not being too cocky or anything ;) Started off the day as co-tutor for 7E, good stuff (got the tour of the school, very useful, plus learnt all the school rules etc. and got to practice being bossy, yay!) Then had my first session with the PE department. Mr PE is very scary, I am going to use him as a role model, I am already certain no kids are going to give him any lip at all. Miss PE is very nice and gets her respect too. Am looking forward to the PE sessions next week, not just because it means I can wear joggers all day and not violate the dress code :)

Maths was a bit more tricky. I hadn't really looked through the worksheets Mr A prepared, and then they got changed around anyway, so I really wasn't prepared for the problems the kids had. They got the first bit, but section B confused the heck outta them. It was funny though, because they all said they understood, but really they didn't at all. I asked HoD why they would say they understood if they didn't, and he laughed and said all kids did that, and to never believe them. I'll add that to my list of words of wisdom. Also had a bit of trouble trying to take control of the class; what with 2 LSAs and Mr HoD in the room too, at first it was tricky to make it my own class, but I got there in the end. I'm sure it went far better than a lot of peoples - some real nightmare lessons taking place across London it seems!

Apart from teaching, lots of fun free food at the staff BBQ; interesting banter about my name and about TF; made some comedy social errors; all in all good stuff.

Good weekend too, apart from crazy Lariam dreams (let's just say I'm never drinking a pint of water before bed again!). Spent too much money, saw some mates, got back in touch with some others, made the family late for a surprise party (what are the chances?!), tested out all the gyms in the area, got a sari blouse fitted, wrote my TF journal, tried (and failed) to find out what my Y11s should be doing tomorrow.

Am looking forward to next week, guess teaching hasn't taken my soul just yet. So far so good, eh?

Photocopying

Today I photocopied approximately 2,000 sheets of paper. I think that might be a whole tree...?

I used this thing called a risograph, which is positively amazing! It can copy 100 sheets in one minute; it just swallows up the paper and spits it right back out. It's easily the coolest thing I've seen in school so far (and that's including the broom cupboard that is masquerading as a drama studio). I might have to give it a nickname, that's how much we bonded.

Aside from that, school today was lots of "sorting out stuff" time, although I still don't really feel like I've sorted anything out. My classroom (the old maths' dept. office) is still a tip. I have no contract or network password. I don't have a code for getting into the school or a parking space. I have no BromCom, no idea about coursework, only a vague understanding of the rules and sanctions for pupils, and I have lots of fun getting lost in school while searching for people. To do one thing, it feels like you have to do a whole other ten things first.

Wow, when did I start complaining about everything?

Other points of note:

1. I forgot that in the sessions yesterday they said that it was sitting around the fire and talking things through that kept the North Pole team on track. Made me think of the "sharing sanitiser circle" and the "gimme two words about" stuff.
2. I need to learn how to make an exit - I find myself hanging around for ages instead of being able to leave. I think I said this already.
3. When I told my Mum I was teaching PE, she said that now I would never leave school cos I could play all day.
4. People still can't believe how young we TFs are. I feel quite old at 22, but I got some "aaahs" today when I was forced to reveal my age. I wonder how old I need to be before that doesn't happen?
5. A scary proportion of the kids seem to be taller than me. Not just seem to be. Actually ARE taller than me. This is very strange for me, particularly since I never usually feel like anyone is taller than me.

The best thing of all...our staff local is called THE GOOSE! And even better, it's a Wetherspoons! What are the chances? Really?!

I will finally be teaching tomorrow.

Wednesday = surreal day

"Being Part of the Winning Team" was the first session we had this morning. The lovely Mr Alan Chambers came to give us a good old talking to about being the 5th British man to ever stand on the top of the world (the real North Pole, not to be confused with the magnetic North Pole. Or the other two North Poles, which supposedly exist [sceptical look]). This man is amazing. I have officially added him to my list of inspirational people, just under Mr Breakdown Truck Driver aka Ed short for Leonard. But so weird to be sitting in school and listening to him chat about all this stuff. I can't explain it, but yes, 8:45 - 10:30 = inspired.

I forget the title of the second session, but it was something about managing change. Very exciting. But it was actually. For instance, have you ever considered what the chapters in your autobiography would be titled? Or where your spiritual centre is? Or whether you have been too scared to make a change because it will lead to an even deeper transition? (yes, change and transition are two different words, and I quite like the distinction). Have been thoroughly enlightened, and feeling pretty jammy since no-one else I know is getting paid to stand around and "feel my energy coursing through, strengthing my foundations". I do like a spot of meditation, me. I also learnt how to be a good listener, and to listen to my inner voice (even if it is yelling "nap time, chocolate, bored"). Thus 11:00 - 12:45 = spiritualised.

All in all a pretty good morning. But the post-lunch comedown was inevitable. Year 11 Tutors meeting. About as much fun as something not much fun. I think I underestimated how much drama there is amongst the members of staff at the WA. Teachers on channel 4 is nothing. Hohoho, well, I do like a bit of drama. So long as I'm not caught in the cross-fire. But when Miss "PE" and Mr "Keystage 3" are kicking off in the middle of the meeting, while Miss "I Invented The Wheel" and Mr "Perpetual Fag Break" bitch in the corner, I find it hard to keep a straight face. 14:00 - 16:00 = drama central.

A very surreal day indeed.

In other news:

1. I think I have malaria.
2. My cousin is having her sari party. This is a big deal in the Tamil world...it's like a Bat Mitzvah, except you don't have to do anything since you get one automatically when you experience menarche...kinda embarrassing since everyone gets to hear about it, but it's a tradition and it pays BIG TIME...wooo presents!
3. I am teaching PE after all - lucky year 7 girls' won't have to miss out on cross country.

Aaargh I'm missing the 2nd half. That is all.

PS Interesting article in The Metro today about what the warning lights on the dashboard mean...I didn't even know there was one for water in the fuel.

PPS I haven't signed a contract yet, so they can't fire me for talking about all this...can they?

Jargon

It's no wonder that parents, pupils, and even teachers get confused. So many words for so many things. And really, no-one seems to know what they're talking about.

Take MEGs (Minimum Expected Grade) and VAGs (Value Added Grade) for example. After a 90 minute session, I still have only a very vague appreciation of these (mainly stemming from how funny it is to say MEGs and VAGs, MEGs and VAGs, MEGs and VAGs...hahahaha).

Back when I was at school, things were much more straightforward. I'm convinced that jargon is what is holding back the state sector. Get rid of all the hyperbranding and ridiculous terminology and just tell people what you really mean. It's not that hard.

On the plus side, I now have concrete proof I am gifted with diplomacy (and a huggggge ego, fair enough). I managed not to rise to the teeny tiny TF related provocations being thrown my way. It's weird, I never thought people would actually feel threatened by the TFTs, but clearly they are. Well, if trying to make us look stupid/attacking our training helps them feel better, I hope they keep on going.

Bonus points also for keeping my mouth shut instead of talking about things I didn't know about (school procedures on reporting and assessment...sure I don't know about them, but an Oxford education equals the gift of the blag...although in fairness I probably would never have been able to blag the MEGs and VAGs...still so funny!).

And finally, I learnt a lot today about how the WA's pupils "don't like change" so we should be prepared to be treated with suspicion. They will test the waters; test us out; not trust us until they know it's worth the risk. A PE teacher told me that when she came back after Christmas in her first year, her students were gobsmacked. "They're used to people leaving; they're used to being let down" she said. Attachment syndrome. School is the most stable thing in some of these kids' lives. Interesting.

Day 1

When I was a kid I remember clock-watching under droopy lids. Day after day, week after week, wishing my boring lessons away. What an awful thing to do. I thought I'd grow out of this. Clearly not.

So, day one was "interesting" in only way interesting can be used from now on. At least I didn't have to teach!

Highlights:

1. Free lunch!
2. Comedy uniform policy
3. My "classroom" aka the boxroom office...aaaah cosy
4. Not getting my car towed away
5. Not crashing my car
6. Hilarious conversations with family about locks on doors, tweed jackets, and surprise parties
7. My school thinking I could teach Maths, PE AND Textiles (I mean, what on earth is there to teach about textiles?!)
8. A wonderful, supportive, bonded department that are doing all they can to make me feel ok
9. Not feeling completely out of my depth

Lowlights:

1. Having a cold
2. Removing approx 200 million staples from the wall (how stupid is sugar paper?)
3. Pretending to care about boring people and their rubbish conversation (ooooh, harsh...but true. Still, I am an excellent faker, no-one will know)
4. Having soooooo many more things to organise
5. Teaching Y11 set 6 instead of set 4 (although they may well be "special" which will be fun)
6. Wondering what I'm letting myself in for after hearing about some of the more "interesting" characters in the school.

Lots more exciting training stuff to come in the next few days, great. No cow-watching or cat-stealing today, although did go for a jolly run and wrote a lesson plan in 40 mins. My world today is full of school; there are worse things it could be full of. Rock on.

T minus 12 hours

I always mean to keep a diary. Laziness usually neutralises my good intentions. But tomorrow is the start of something new, and I want to be able to remember it. And share it too. So here's to good intentions. And to two years on TF at WA. Currently bricking it. Wish me luck.

PS The easiest way to provide the background is through songs.

Trinity Term 2006
"Naive" by The Kooks

TF Summer Institute
"Eye of the Tiger" by Survivor;
"You Give Me Something" by James Morrisson;
"I'm So Excited" by The Pointer Sisters

KOWFI '06
"California Dreaming" by The Mamas & The Papas;
"Wannabe" by The Spice Girls;
"Hips Don't Lie" by Shakira;
The Kenya Jambo Song